So around three days ago I moved into my college. For a few weeks now I had been feeling really bad and didn’t really feel like moving into college was as exciting as people made it seem. More than anything it just made me sad. The only reason I decided to move in this semester was because I thought I had multiple in-person classes but once I moved in I saw that there was only one. I don’t know if it was changed or if it was my lack of understanding of how my college, or colleges in general, work in the US (since I was raised in a Hispanic country). Now I am here and I don’t feel any better than how I felt before moving in. In fact, I9’d say I feel even worse since now I don’t have family or friends to support me and making friends during covid-19 just doesn’t feel possible. The closest family I have is four hours away. I feel lonely, sad, homesick and wishing I could be back in high school. Living in college dorms has also proved to be incredibly uncomfortable since I have barely any space, have to sit in a wooden chair all day, can’t properly sleep on my bed cause of some problems during move in and really have no privacy or room to do my own stuff. covid-19 is also a thing and I feel like I’m at risk of getting it if I stay on campus. Basically, I want to go live with my sister (the relative four hours away) and just go full remote/online classes since my college experience so far has been very depressing. And I know, I have just been on campus a few days and I might just need to get used to it, but I honestly feel like my feelings won’t change and I don’t wanna live a full semester unhappy. As I said, this didn’t start when I moved in, it started before and those awful feelings don’t seem to be even close to going away. I don’t feel like I’m having the amazing “college experience” that most people have when moving in. I’m supposed to be excited but I feel quite the opposite. What should I do? I don’t think I can handle my college studies feeling like this and I would much rather be focused and living somewhere else than going through the “college experience” which might not be for me.
Even before Covid we saw many posts like yours every autumn.
Many students share your feelings- both before arriving at school and for the first days, weeks, even months on campus- as they navigate this huge transition. Almost every student who feels this way also feels as if they are the only one feeing that way.
So, it is not abnormal, and you are not the only one.
Of course, Covid aggravates the situation, as there are is so much disruption to some of the usual ways of knitting into your new community.
You only get to live life forward- but you have a lot more control over how you do that than you may realize.
We can give you lots of suggestions on moving through this period of transition (starting on getting your bed sorted!), but first you need to decide to make a go of it. As your housing is presumably paid through the end of the semester, you might think about committing yourself to really trying to settle into campus through the term. If your on-campus term ends at Thanksgiving break, you are looking at ~12 weeks- and you can do almost anything for 12 weeks!
During that time you can figure out how to make your housing more comfortable. You can find places on campus that feel happy to you- places that you like to hang ou or are comfortable for studying. You can try finding ways to do ECs that you love- or trying ones that were never available to you before. You can try to make a study group with classmates in a subject that is likely to be part of your major. You can find a way to help people in need.
If- after making a real effort during this time- you are still desperately unhappy, then you can reconsider your options.
Yeah I agree, I should try to get my mind off things to make my college experience more comfortable but being an international student, the change comes so sudden. I honestly don’t feel ready, it feels like too much at once. It’s like I wish I had more time to spend with my family, I wish I had more time to understand the situation I was getting myself into and I wish I at least felt a little good about college but, unlike some people I know, I can’t stop thinking about how awful I feel here. I will still try all that you’ve told me since it’s great advice but I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle these thoughts and feelings.
I’m not sure where you are attending but reach out to the International Student office there. They are used to hearing the same thoughts from students and they may have an older student from your country to help you with the transition, or share ideas about things from home. My D’s school has a robust International department and they do a lot of cultural programming where you can share about your home culture and traditions.
I agree you should check with the International Student’s office. Maybe ask them what counseling or support services are available. For example, my son’s school has a peer mentoring program where upperclassmen become mentors to incoming first-years and can help them with both academic and social issues.
Finding out that your classes can be attended remotely is a big deal and you might want to look into what kind of penalty there would be if you canceled your housing contract. You don’t want to lose too much money. But also it appears that your dorm complaints are not really covid related - you don’t like your chair, you don’t like your bed- and you don’t really know that your sister’s place will be any better and offer better furniture and more privacy (and if she really has room for you.)
Remember that the “amazing college experience” just doesn’t really exist right now. Its very unfortunate, but that’s the reality. Try to let go of those expectations and see what you can do to improve things in the current reality, and definitely try not to write off the entire residential college experience after just a few weeks/days under the current conditions. Contact your RA to get your bed fixed up, if it is a furniture issue. Many kids not do a lot of work on their bed too, so that’s a priority. Perhaps find some outdoor areas to work while the weather is nice.
Many schools do offer options this year for kids to live at home/elsewhere and take their classes fully online, so it’s not impossible. But at this point, you have to consider what you would lose in housing money, and if your school has fully remote as an option. You would have to also see if you can make that switch mid-semester.
I would suggest giving it more time and doing some things to improve your situation. Colleges have lots of resources to help students who are struggling, and you are definitely not alone having these thoughts, but it is your job to reach out to to get help (RA, International Office, dorm facilities, mental health services).