<p>As the title says, I'm having a really hard time writing a short and sweet personal statement. Everytime I have a good idea, I start elaborating on it so much I realize I'm way over the limit, and I lose my train of thought, and give up, and then the essay ends up sounding completely ridiculous or just plain stupid. </p>
<p>So please help me edit this attempt. It is miserable I know. I think it's awkwardly written, not very clear, and might even come off as a little arrogant at times even though that was purely unintentional. </p>
<p>It's about a summer camp experience I had. I don't think it seems very unique or special at the moment. ugh I'm so frustrated with myself, at this point I think amazing essays are all that will save my chances at getting into the top schools, but I can't seem to come up with anything better than mediocre and pathetic essays. Please help! I would really appreciate it.</p>
<p>I'll PM or email you my essay if you agree to critique it. I need advice on shortening it and improving the writing style and content in general. Anything helps!! Thanks=)</p>
<p>Oh and the schools I'm considering sending this to if i can get it to work better at the moment are Tulane and Caltech. Feel free to just rip it apart;)</p>
<p>You sound dissatisfied with everything you've written so far. Maybe you could benefit from starting back at the beginning.</p>
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It's about a summer camp experience I had. I don't think it seems very unique or special at the moment.
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</p>
<p>What do you mean by the second it? Are you referring to the essay or to the experience?</p>
<p>It's a mistake imo to strain for the unique topic, such as gecko racing in Antarctica. It's not the topic, it's what you do with the topic. It's also a mistake imo to try to make the essay carry the entire weight of your application. These plans create stress and distract you from your best source of inspiration for an exceptional essay: you.</p>
<p>What's unique about your application is you. Your essay imo should reflect and grow out of the uniqueness, the essence of yourself. </p>
<p>Therefore: Reflect on you. At the simplest level, reflect on this question:</p>
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[quote]
What are three things that you really like to do?
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</p>
<p>Not:</p>
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[quote]
What are three things generally thought to improve one's chances of admission?</p>
<p>What are three things that look good on an application?</p>
<p>What are three things that my parents/teachers/classmates/AdComs expect me to be doing?
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</p>
<p>I am simply asking what can move you towards happiness. Maybe these things sound non-elite, such as </p>
<p>play miniature golf mow the lawn explore churches travel in an RV</p>
<p>It doesn't matter whether they sound fit for an Ivy or not. I simply am asking you to name three things--either here on this thread, or just honestly to yourself--that you like to do.</p>
<p>^thanks for the honest response. i guess the "it" referred to both, but i intended the experience.</p>
<p>haha you're right, especially about not trying to answer this: "What are three things that my parents/teachers/classmates/AdComs expect me to be doing? "</p>
<p>i think the main thing that makes me conscious of what i write is that i know my parents and counselor will ask to see it so i've been hopelessly striving to make it brilliant.</p>