So Im deciding between two schools. One is larger with about 40,000 kids is 5 hours from my home and the other is smaller with about 4,000 is only 45 minutes. I am extremely close with my family and know that I will miss them greatly and experience extreme homesickness if I go to the larger one. This past summer I went to a pre college summer camp thing that was 1 month long and I ended up leaving after 1 week because I couldn’t eat food and would gag every time I even smelt it due to anxiety caused from being away. I also have general anxiety disorder and being at home with my family is the only thing that calms me down. I am already imagining being at the larger school and crying at the thought of how homesick I will be. But they have better study abroad programs which is something I would really like to do later on. Other than that for academics they are pretty much the same as well as for price. The closer school is much smaller and more of a commuter school while the larger one is the best public university in my state and known as a party school. If the larger one was closer to me I would definitely go there but since it’s so far I’m not sure I can handle it. Me and my family do stuff together every weekend and go on day trips all the time and I will feel so lonely and like they have moved on from me once I’m so far away and can no longer come back whenever I want on the weekends and afternoons.
Go to the local school as study abroad options abound for all regardless of undergrad school attended.
Although I do find it interesting that you shift concern from studying 5 hours away from home to concern over a lack of opportunities to study abroad.
EDIT: another thing about the two schools is that the smaller and closer one is in a nicer town and is within walking distance to nice parks, a waterfront, and restaurants. The larger one is more of a classic college town type of thing where you’re mainly just on the campus and the surrounding area is very desolate. The smaller, closer schools dorms are nicer as well and I’d get to have my own room within a 4 bedroom student apartment and we’d share a kitchen, living room, and two bathrooms. The larger school has traditional shared double dorms with hall bathrooms which I felt extremely uncomfortable in when I was at the pre college last summer since I am an introvert and enjoy alone time and was not used to having another random stranger living in my room at all times.
I think it’s about the fact that I feel I could regret going to the closer one since the larger one is more well known and has better opportunities. They have their own campus in London, Italy, and Spain. The other school just has exchanges but not as good of a program
Nicer town, access to waterfront, better living conditions, & less anxiety indicate that the closer school is the better option for you.
Are you willing to share the school names ? Or, at least, the name of the school with 40,000 students ? (I ask because I do not see why you are having such a difficult time deciding between the two.)
It is interesting that your main concern about choosing the school that you so clearly want to choose is that you believe that the other school’s study abroad program is so much ‘better’.
You seem to believe that you + 2 years will be able to make it being overseas w/o your family, but you + 6 months won’t be able to handle a long drive to get home. How exactly do you see yourself getting from now to then?
Imo that is not the mark of the ‘best’ study abroad- that’s a long field trip! Certainly not a reason to choose a university.
The larger one is FSU and it’s more of a traditional college experience that I always hear about and am afraid of missing out on although I’m not entirely sure why do to the fact that I’m not a huge partier to begin with. The study abroad they have there is some of the best I’ve seen though which may seem ironic since I’m afraid to even go 5 hours away. But I feel like I’ll disappoint myself if I don’t do it because I’ve always dreamed of living in Europe while I’m young like my mom did when she was my age.
FSU does have great study abroad options which are easy to coordinate since all grades and costs are within the FSU system.
Plus, if not from The Florida Panhandle region, it should be an exciting change for one who lives in another area of the state.
P.S. Are you willing to share the name of the smaller school ?
Closer one for the first year then reevaluate and try to transfer to FSU.
Transition to adulthood and college is harder for some young adults.
My son had less FOMO about things at home once he got to college and met some friends. He goes 3.5 hours away and would drive home more frequently the first couple of months. Now he only comes home for holidays and to support younger sibling at their bigger events.
Be true to your own issues and don’t set yourself up for failure either.
If you can’t handle a 1 month summer camp, how are you going to handle 3-4 months abroad? The food is very different in England, Spain and Italy - are you going to be able to eat it?
People grow, change & mature–some take a bit longer than others.
I think that it is admirable that OP is willing to grow despite a prior anxiety laden experience.
OP: I understand the attraction to FSU & the FSU study abroad programs. Your anxiety might be lessened once you are aware of the issue & treat it, and due to the fact that many high school acquaintences & friends will also attend FSU.
Agreed. I wonder if the OP is working with a therapist as well to develop other coping mechanisms for anxiety. Its not always realistic or mentally healthy to live at home forever.
ETA: My oldest has diagnoses of adhd, intermittent explosive disorder, anxiety and depression along with learning disabilities. He got special ed help through the school district from age 3 through high school graduation. He is very successfully attending a tech school with a dorm 3.5 hours from home. Hes matured a ton. However, note that therapy, and lots of support (and yes even meds for awhile) were a huge part of setting him up for success. (Hes currently unmedicated, has a girlfriend, is getting all B’s which for him is awesome and is working a solid job). It is all possible!
I’m thinking you have some serious thinking to do between now and deposit day.
- "traditional college experience" and "not a huge partier" are not incompatible. There is more to the "traditional" college experience than drunken parties. Think -in specifics!- about what you think the 'traditional' experience is, and what parts of it you would fomo.
- Separate your dreams and assumptions. Did you dream that you would follow in your mom's footsteps, or imagine it, or assume it? Spend some time thinking specifically about what your dreams look like now, and how they might evolve over the next few years. Dreams change and grow, just like we do. Letting go of old dreams can be bittersweet, but it is a rite of passage.
- Be clear about who you would disappoint. Do you think your parents would be disappointed in you if going abroad doesn't turn out to be something you do? Given that you didn't last a week away last summer, do you think that they expect you will suddenly change and become an intrepid traveler?
- Think again about your anxiety. Right now it seems to be in charge of you ("I am already...crying at the thought of how homesick I will be). I am in no way psychologically experienced or trained, but somehow I doubt that it will just go away on it's own. What are you doing to get it under control? Do you have an expert in your corner who can give you some perspective on how people move from where you are to where you would like to be?
I have always dreamed of going to Europe and not just because I thought I would It’s something I always think about and would be so disappointed if I let my anxiety control me enough to not do it. My mom wants me to go to FSU because she doesn’t want me to let my homesickness and anxiety control me from doing what I want to do. I agree yet at the same time I truly don’t know that I will be able to physically and mentally handle it. I had a therapist in the fall but I felt she wasn’t helping me very much and I stopped going and now chase if coronavirus I can’t go out and find a new one because we’re on lockdown in my state
My therapist told me to try and think about what I’d rather do if I didn’t have anxiety and in this case I’m not sure. If I wasn’t gonna be anxious and homesick I would go to FSU but the thing is I AM going to be anxious and homesick and I don’t know how to stop that. I don’t want to let that get in the way of doing what I want but at the same time I have to be realistic about the reality of it all.
OP: Now wondering if you need to read some comments about the smaller school in order to divert your focus from distance to differences.
Are you comfortable sharing the name of the smaller school ?
Many years ago, one of my close friends from high school was more excited than any of us to leave home (and her younger siblings) for college. She went to a school 3 or 4 hours away, and was immediately and terribly homesick. She ended up transferring to a school closer to home and did much better. But a couple years out of college I heard she had moved to Europe for a job and AFAIK still lives there.
So, I fully agree that everyone matures at different rates. I think the closer school is a good first step to build some independence. You’ll have the option to come home when you want, and chances are those trips will decline over time. And if you did want to transfer to FSU, you could certainly look to do that. Or maybe you will love the local school and won’t ever want to transfer. But I don’t think it is healthy to suffer from this anxiety for the new few months.
I also do think you would be well-served to find a good therapist, even if via video sessions during this isolation period. You just have to find the right person for you, which may take a few tries.
@NYMom122 sticks the landing 
on all three points.