<p>Sweetdreams it's all been said above but I just wanted to send some more hugs. This isn't a good time to be too hard on yourself. Just get some help and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You sound like a wonderful kid- take care of yourself.
andi xo</p>
<p>faline, wonderful post.</p>
<p>sweetdreams, you go to the same university as my son. I've been following your application progress and first year for two years now on CC, so my heart goes out to you right now, sweetie. I hope that your time home with your parents this weekend goes better than you expected and that they will be more understanding than you thought. </p>
<p>One thing about hard times, you will come out from this a much stronger and more empathetic person, as well as more humble. These are every bit as valuable traits and experiences as having perfect SATs, being NM and top of class, etc... in fact, they are more valuable and will allow you to do more good in the world, however you define it. It doesn't seem like it now, but once you work this through and get beyond it, you will look back and see this time as important in your life, maybe as important as some of your best successes and happiest times. </p>
<p>For now, though, take care of yourself. Get some wise adults in your life to help; talk everything out with some trusted friends; confide in your parents as much as you can; and maybe even start a journal to try to reflect on your year and begin to analyze the pros and cons of it. </p>
<p>And keep in touch; let us parents know how you are and what you are doing, okay? </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>Hey everyone, thanks for so much support. It means so much to me. </p>
<p>I'm still...well, still trying to write a last paper for a class, and it's sad because although I got a generous extension, I still think it will turn out horrible. </p>
<p>I'm trying to figure out when to tell my parents everything, and how. My dad hasn't said more than three words to me since I got back home last night, and I don't even know why. :/</p>
<p>Sweetdreams..reentry to parentville after a first year at college can be awkward, and we know you are not sure how to talk to your parents about your focus issues this semester. Dont' freak out about your grades. You can make up for this semester given time.
Keep your expectations for parental support low but don't give up on them. Even parents do change and adapt over time..we just take longer sometimes. even years. You have to have faith in yourself.
Do not in any way give up on yourself. If your thoughts are unusually bleak and fatalistic..get help immediately. People your age sometimes let fatalistic thoughts drive their emotions and if suicide ever crosses your mind, tell someone and take action. Write your thoughts down and I bet you will see they are too harsh and punishing. Would you talk to your son that way at age 19 when he was having a hard season in life..No, you wouldn't. Be a good parent to yourself. Get onto a help line in your hometown and line up a local counselor. Or get your college counselor to help you get with someone this summer in your town and allow the college counselor access to your parents.<br>
Even a great brain like yours is not finished "wiring" yet..you've seen the PET scans, right? You must give yourself space, time and more generous self acceptance that you, too, are allowed to take some time to mature and get focused for life. Don't make big decisions while you aren't thinking clearly. Clarity takes time. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled but getting there takes a lot of time for all of us. If your parents are remote, find an adult who likes to talk to you and has some experience and some optimism to share with you. Sadly some of us Parents have little experience and say dumb things to our kids.
keep in touch and realize you are a great human being...so figure out how to take care of yourself so you can enjoy your life more. There are great people ahead in your life that you haven't met yet that are going to make a difference and your world view will shift to something brighter.</p>
<p>Don't worry; you can bounce back. I had a very rough freshman year in many ways--I loved it, but I found some things very stressful and went through a difficult breakup with a fairly mean guy, had some health problems, and ended up with chicken pox and strep throat during final exam week! I felt like a big failure (even though I had supportive parents, I didn't tell them half of what was going on) because struggling like that just wasn't "me."</p>
<p>It really stank, but just like everyone told me at the time, I wasn't the first or only person to feel like I screwed up my freshman year. Dozens of people could relate very similar experiences (several already have in this thread!) </p>
<p>Several years from now, no one is going to care about your freshman year--you'll have ample successes since then to demonstrate your true abilities. </p>
<p>If it bothers you that you're turning in work that feels beneath you, plan on dropping those professors each a note over the summer. Thank them for the extension, and apologize for not doing better (without making excuses). You will do better next year, because you have the drive and because you care.</p>
<p>Sweetdreams,
I'm sure that I won't be able to say it better than the messages above, but you are definitely not alone. So many people go through this in their lives (more than you would ever believe) -- not just students and certainly not just you. I give you so much credit for taking the first step to seek some help and guidance from a counselor, and I wish you the very best.<br>
sallyawp</p>
<p>Sweetdreams: I agree with previous posters that there are many possible reasons for the way your freshman year went, and also note that none of us know you, and so none of us really know which or how many of them apply to your situation. We can only suggest. </p>
<p>I approach a situation like this somewhat differently from many others. I do believe that you should not feel that you're alone, but as for myself only, I don't believe that the first, or even the second, move you should necessarily make is to seek professional help for a possible depression.</p>
<p>There are many possible reasons for an abrupt change in your academic performance. They include lack of structure as opposed to high school, more dependency on a single exam or paper, going from being one of the top students to one of many top students, having difficulty with new surroundings or people, taking courses in which you don't understand the material, overemphasis on social life or activities, just being in the wrong school for you, and lots of other possibilities (yes, possibly including drinking). Being unable to cope with such situations can produce a temporary depression, but I think that step no. 1, which you may already have been doing, is to take time to sit down and try to figure out for yourself what has been going on during the past year. Step no. 2, if possible is to talk with an adult confidante other than your parents - an aunt, and uncle, a friend of the family, an older cousin, a former HS teacher, someone who knows you and might be able to help you figure out no. 1, and who will agree to keep the discussion between the two of you at least until after you have talked with your parents. If nobody like that is available, then a counselor at your college. You also ought to talk with that counselor about things in general at the school since they know the school.</p>
<p>Then you will have to find a way to talk about this with your parents. That adult confidante might be able to help figure out how to do it. I don't know, and we all don't know your parents or why communication has been difficult, especially when you seem to have done what they were hoping for in your high school. No way from here to gauge what their reaction might be to your attempt to tell them what you think has been going on with you. But I would suggest that you also think of something towards a solution for the problem that you have figured out. That way your parents might be much more impressed than if you can only tell them about the difficulties you've been having. Of, if you can't figure out what the solution would be, then asking for their help in figuring it out could be productive.</p>
<p>And you still might need professional help; perhaps even family therapy - I really don't know.</p>
<p>As I began, I don't know you or your parents, so my advice might not be good for this situation. Think about it, if you wish, but in any case, try to take steps of one kind or another to resolve this situation long before it's time to return to school - you want to try to go back with optimism that next year will be different.</p>
<p>Sweetdreams:</p>
<p>I think dadofsam has given you some excellent advice. </p>
<p>Take a good long look at yourself - this summer will be an excellent time for such reflection. If you have never done any research on personality type - that would be an excellent starting point. I am sure your school offers the MBTI - sign up and take it. Do a google search - personalitypage, kiersey, etc. - all offer good explanations at their sites. </p>
<p>I think it is important to find out who you are - what are you passionate about? What is it that energizes you, brings out the best in you, gets you excited about living? Ask yourself if you are living a lifestyle in an environment that supports who YOU are. </p>
<p>Also, honestly ask yourself what you need to be successful once you find that lifestyle and environment that is right for you. Many personalities do not come with the gift of "self-discipline". Unfortunately, the first opportunity many students have to learn that they need help with structure and self-discipline is finals week in their freshman year at a prestigious college. I was one of those that had to learn the hard way that you can't always "pull it off" at the last minute.</p>
<p>If you feel you may be suffering from depression, of course seek help immediately. But, don't choose "depression" because it provides a convenient way of dealing with your parents or professors. </p>
<p>I cannot speak for your individual family situation, but one of the counselors at our school once made a profound statement: "A parent is only as happy as his/her most miserable child." I believe that to be true for most parents. Your parents have probably discerned that something is not right and may be worried and waiting for you to share with them. I hope that is the case. But, if it is not, find another trusted adult - maybe a trusted teacher from your high school that knows you and cares for you - that can help you through this difficult time.</p>
<p>ductape,
You may still be able to CALL /email your college counseling center for assistance/advice.</p>
<p>I agree with most all of the helpful advice here. A close friend and I both were at the top of the class in graduate school, with all sort of unexpected honors and the like. Strangely, I felt a bit depressed about it all. I related to this to the close friend, and she said she felt the same. We called it the " imposter syndrome" - as if we were not deserving of the accolades and at the same time not capable of living up to the expectations that these kinds of achievements compel. </p>
<p>Gee, successful people are often insecure? You bet. Maybe more so than the average bears. </p>
<p>I am in no position to give health advice, but wonder whether you are experiencing a form of the imposter syndrome - especially with such extraordinary high school achievements. </p>
<p>Oh, and my solution to overcoming the depression at hand? I did get a bit of help, as did my wonderful classmate. I wonder whether we had the same counselor, because we were both promptly informed to simply "get over it" - that 90 percent of success in anything was due to showing up and giving it effort - and once the counselor showed me that in fact was what I (she) merely did - she and I felt no more of an imposter than anyone else. </p>
<p>So I would suggest, like everyone else here, to get some professional advice, don't be hard on yourself but at the same time be aware of the need to work hard, and look forward to once again simply showing up and giving it some effort. The results will obtain. Cheers.</p>
<p>I am not at all an expert in mental health, but I work (as a faculty administrator) with very bright students, with great high school credentials, similar to yours. You know what? Every spring we see this same scenario: brilliant students flunking out, or almost. I talk with a lot of thsee kids, I follow their performance, I try to help them put the pieces back together. The story repeats itself far too many times; things are happening too fast, a paper and a test can easily bring your average way down, things are not EASY, math and science courses are not FUN anymore, you are not the smartest kid around the block anymore, nobody seems to care, sloppy and late are unacceptable, that "little" thing you brushed over shows up on the test, etc.,etc. I had students with scores of 5 on AP tests who barely passed my Physics class; the ones who learned humility fast, recovered and learned HOW TO LEARN (which is much harder than learning the subject itself)
You are saying that you do not expect a lot of support from your parents. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I see A LOT of parents who are calling deans, vice presidents, professors, and are trying to blame it on somebody, or trying to come to rescue in ways that are not helping. You have to figure it out yourself.... And trust me, most kids DO recover. If you need medical help, go get it fast. Sometimes a good buddy/mentor may do the trick too. Good luck!</p>
<p>bumped.....</p>
<p>sweetdreams, I hope all your papers are finished by now. First of all - it's now SUMMER, the year is OVER, and I think you should really focus on relaxing :) it sounds like you need it!</p>
<p>Having just completely my freshman year as well, I have seen many people go through a variety of things. I didn't have the easiest year myself, as i was pretty unhappy and disappointed with the school i was attending. (i'm transferring now :) ). I also made several good friends, many of which had a rough time as well for various reasons and dropped classes, received Ws, faiiled classes in subjects that they excelled at in high school, etc. While I did do well this year, I did feel my confidence shaken and I can understand how you feel. It's hard to go from being the top student at a relatively small place (in comparison with most colleges/universities) to being one of many former top students. Plus, there are so many other things to deal with at the same time. My family is also going through multiple troubles, and while I thought being away from it would make things easier, it actually made things worse. My grades ended up being fine, but I was definitely different - my study habits were not what they had been, i stayed up repeatedly until 5,6, 7 o'clock in the morning finishing work, finished papers right before they were due. I cannot tell you how many times my mother said to me, "I don't know what happened to you. You were never like this."</p>
<p>College hits people in different ways. It is possible that there is an underlying issue of depression here - not definite, but possible. I hope now that you relax, look inward and try to figure out what happened. Talking to a trusted adult/confidante/therapist would probably be most helpful in sorting everything through. </p>
<p>Also, HAVE FUN!! It IS summer after all :) Hang out with friends, do low-key fun stuff, just sleep in and watch TV all day and eat lots of chocolate... :D enjoy whatever would make you happiest and most relaxed.</p>
<p>Please let us know how you're doing! :)</p>
<p>Hey everyone...I'm all right. I'm doing an internship in a different city (same state though). thanks to all for being so sweet and supportive :)</p>
<p>:D congratulations, and best of luck with your internship!! :) </p>
<p>have a fun and relaxing summer!!!</p>