Hello, I am currently a freshman at Cornell university and to be quit honest I absolutely hate it here. It is about six weeks in and despite my many, many, many (joining clubs, sitting with strangers in the cafeteria, etc.) efforts I have not been able to make anything that even remotely resembles a friend. I am not a strange person or even an introvert. This, lately, has been causing some depression and I just feel awful all the time. It is all that I can think about. I have considered transferring to VA Tech but I have heard bad stories about transfer students struggling at new schools. However, Cornell seems like the perfect school for me besides the people who are either super preppy or super nerdy. I just can’t find anyone that I can connect with it at the moment it all seems very hopeless. If anyone has any advice or anything at all PLEASE HELP!
Hey, I’m a freshman here too! And I feel how hard it can be to start from scratch and make friends again when you probably had very good ones in high school. I see you’ve tried some strategies to meet new people, but have you tried talking to people in some of your classes? It might be hard in lecture but maybe some smaller classes? If you’re looking for a friend PM me and we can meet up for coffee or lunch or something! Who knows, maybe we’ll have similar interests! But most importantly, don’t give up! There are lots of people who probably are looking for a friend.
It took me a long time to make friends at Cornell. My first semester I made zero friends. Second semester I began making a few, and by the time I began my sophomore year I was surrounded by more love and support than I ever could have imagined. I know it SUCKS now, but it really has nothing to do with you and nothing to do with the people around you. Making friends happens at different times for different people, but it’s definitely worth sticking it out for.
Here’s a thread I made that goes into greater detail about my search for friendship: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1773323-making-friends-tips-and-tricks-from-someone-who-struggled.html#latest
You can start your own club on a topic of your choice,
and advertise. Good way to find others with a similar interest.
Hi dazedandc0nfused,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling that way right now. I, too, struggled a lot with making friends when I first came here and battled depression very frequently. Maybe my experience can shed some light. I recently graduated this year.
I came to Cornell and it was the first time I ever left home (I am only child and grew up in quite a sheltered environment). Naturally, I missed home a lot, and wasn’t doing the best at making friends. The first year, I was more or less depressed. My sophomore year, I met a buddy through class, who’s now one of my greatest friends. I ended up meeting more people through him. Fast forward to today, and majority of them are people I consider my best friends and hopefully friendships I can maintain for the rest of my life. The years after freshman year are irreplaceable and arguably the best times of my life, I miss them so much. There are so many wonderful people at Cornell and it’d a shame to throw away the opportunity because you’ve gotten unlucky and haven’t had your time yet.
Anyways, that’s just my little personal anecdote. We obviously have different circumstances. In terms of advice, I believe there are many ways to go about this. Parties are an easy way to meet people (if you’re not a partier, nbd). This might sound a little strange but I found office hours to be an excellent opportunity to meet people. A collaborative environment is great for everyone and maybe you could be the guy providing help to other lost students or bond together by being lost with them! It was very easy to exchange numbers/emails to work on problem sets together in the future. If you’re a sports person, I would sign up for intramural sports, as there is a “free agent” sign up option where people who don’t have a team can form their own. There’s also a lot of pickup games going on (soccer, basketball, just throwing the frisbee, you name it) You’ll also find that as freshmen, they are still scrambling to figure out what they do and when you start taking more specialized classes, find peers who have similar interests and goals as you.
I hope you reconsider and give Cornell a second chance. If you have any questions or just wanna talk about Cornell life, feel free to shoot me a PM.
My D is a freshman and she’s trying to make friends, too. I think most freshmen are in similar situations. She has joined a few clubs and has started meeting people this way, and doing things with her dorm, but there is a difference between knowing people and having great and true friends. I told her it doesn’t happen overnight and I’m confident that she will “find her peeps” eventually. Hang in there. Because of her schedule, she says she goes to the dining hall by herself a few nights a week and sits alone, or asks if she can join a table. This is hard, I know, but just try to put yourself out there knowing that you are not the only one going through this. It may seem like everyone is already in groups, but trust me, everyone is searching.
@Ranza123 excellent link. Your post was awesome and I’m going to forward it to my D.
Also, it seems to me that lots of clubs at Cornell are interview and/or application based (or audition) so there is disappointment when you put in lots of effort and don’t get accepted. My D was fortunate enough to be accepted into two application/interview based clubs and was rejected from a third that she tried for.
I know Greek life isn’t for everyone. At the same time, a lot of people have misconception of Greek life is all about partying. For both of my kids, it made Cornell a smaller and tighter community. I know my kids didn’t do anything they didn’t want to do. My older daughter still gets together with her sorority sisters five years out of school. You may want to rush in Jan. It is a good way to meet more people even if you don’t end up pledging.
You are definitely not alone. DS is also a freshman, very gregarious, never had a shy bone in his body, and even he has confided in me that even though he has joined several clubs, he doesn’t feel like he has made any close friends yet. It does take time…try to keep on putting yourself out there and don’t give up.
@Ranza123, I have seen you being very helpful on Cornell threads. Your posts are quite nice and I am certain folks find your points helpful - coming from a student! Great work, great attitude! Keep that up, kiddo!
OP, there is a difference in knowing people and making friends. So, give yourself some time. Also, use Takton center that specifically caters to Freshman. They have meets and greets, help for depression and events. Someone mentioned pick up games - my DS found that was a good way to know new folks. Do note, that everyone is going through this “adjustment” period. Don’t lose hope.
Hi @dazedandc0nfused, how are you doing? I hope things have gotten better for you since you started this thread!
PM me if you want to meet up for a bite or anything around campus! I’d love to meet a new person and make new friends!
Unfortunately, things have not really changed for me. Walking around campus I have realized that I know lots of people, but there is not a single one of them that I could text or hang out with. My spirit has been crushed and I have virtually no energy or motivation to keep trying to meet people. I have become somewhat numb and I am really just trying to get this year over with. Thank you all for your help, but I just don’t think college is something that I will ever truly enjoy.
I’m sorry you still feel that way. You said in your original post that Cornell was the perfect school for you aside from the people. I think you just haven’t met the right group of people. I didn’t make any friends at all until the end of my freshman year, and even in my sophomore year my friend group drastically changed. Finding friends is an ongoing process throughout college. It’s my fourth semester here and I finally feel like I have a solid few people who are always there for me. Some people’s friend groups shift all the way until their senior year. It really isn’t a reflection of you or of the people around you; you just haven’t come into contact with the right people yet. I can guarantee you will, though!
@dazedandc0nfused @Ranza123 is 100% correct in the above post. My freshman daughter in her second semester at Cornell is still figuring all this out but she isn’t too worried about it. Next year’s housing situation will be interesting, though, because she hasn’t really found anyone to room with. She applied to a language house, so hopefully she will get into that, as this is something that she is really excited about. Fingers crossed for this.
As an aside, I also have a daughter who is a junior (not at Cornell) but at another elite university, and she has finally found some good friends in her 6th semester in college. Admittedly, it was hard for her to find her friends, and she is very social and outgoing, but she hung in there and got involved in things that really interested her. In the end, it has worked out, although she still prefers to live by herself, and she is enjoying her experience. In retrospect, if you were to ask her, the “find your best friends in college” thing was more difficult than she thought it would be.
Hang in there. You are getting a great education and things will fall in place.