I feel bad, realy realy bad

Parents Forum
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<p>
[quote]
I unplugged the power switch in the middle of anger. So, she did not meet the deadline nor was anything submitted.

[/quote]

DADII, it is YOUR own fault that the scholarship app did not get completed. Your daughter was working on it - maybe not on your timetable, but on her own. For you to pull the plug, quite literally, was immature and mean-spirited. I suspect you didn't really want her to go to Ohio State anyway, and now she won't. But that is your fault, not hers.</p>

<p>You SHOULD feel "realy realy bad." I feel really really sorry for your D. :(</p>

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<p>Know wonder the D does so many EC's, dad would make her nuts...</p>

<p>MAYBE while she was working with GC< she was getting some clarifcation for the ESSAY>..gee, what a thought, that sometimes the BEST ideas come from doing someting NOT connected with the process- sometimes, the best ideas for essays come from taking a walk, reading a book, talking to a teacher, doing an EC</p>

<p>My D once spent time talking with her english teacher and fleshed out an an opening for her essay, something she was having writers block with</p>

<p>DADII, if you were my H, I would not let you anywhere near my D when she was doing the college hunt, </p>

<p>ANd I wouldn't at all be surprised if your D cuts herslef off from you when she has the chance, I know I would</p>

<p>You don't own her, she is not your slave, and she is doing amazingly well, considering the circumstances</p>

<p>You don't think she NEEDED to be with the GC? Sometimes ECS aren't just to help others, but to get some mental balance in your life</p>

<p>And yes, it is YOUR FAULT it wasn't submitted, that was cruel, senseless and abusive</p>

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<p>I'm not sure what the etiquette is on this, but after looking back at threads that DadII has started, there's just more and more here that is not adding up. On the one hand, there's been a lot of really good meat in this discussion. On the other hand, well, things get written in one post, and then contradicted in another. The quality of writing (grammar, spelling, typos) has morphed. Curioser and curioser.</p>

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<p>I recall years ago my own DS spending alot of time with his GC - first name basis - feet up on the desk kind of relationship - DS could talk to the GC about anything - even stuff he would not talk to us about - but I felt it was a great outlet for DS (and to this day they continue to have a great relationship too :)) - plus it gave him the opportunity to be in 1st touch with anything that came into the school that may have applied to him.</p>

<p>Down the line - when DS had an issue with a teacher and his ED acceptance - it was the GC who instantly jumped on things and got it done - mainly because he knew DS sooo well. </p>

<p>This girl may well benefit from a great relationship with her GC as well - maybe getting the support that she needs - that she is not getting at home. Hopefully so.</p>

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<p>Good grief, I totally missed that, oregonianmom. DadII deliberately sabotaged the application. This is worse than I realized. </p>

<p>DadII, if what you did is true, get some help. That is unacceptable behaviour. No question. </p>

<p>I agree with Jeepmom, time to lock the thread. This is getting really strange. </p>

<p>And there is nothing really that I want to hear from DadII after this except that he has apologized to his daughter and is seeking professional help.</p>

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<p>


Oh. Now I understand. Thanks for explaining. I hope she doesn't go all Menendez brothers on you but if she did, let's just say .......I'd understand. But you seem sadistfied with your relationship so I'll just say "Bully for you".
It's not my way to criticize others .;)</p>

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<p>One can only hope this wasn't the essay for the big $$ at OSU.</p>

<p>Dad II -- GCs aren't done once apps are out -- there are the mid-year reports, which ask the GC to (AGAIN) comment on a student's character traits, etc. I would expect some scholarship committees would also call a GC to make sure things are going well second semester, esp. if they are looking at offering big $$.</p>

<p>You yanked the cord on more than a scholarship oportunity, Dad II. I know 17 year olds can be frustrating as hell. But you're the adult here. Get some perspective.</p>

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<p>CURM - you do have a 'good' way of doing it tho :)</p>

<p>DADII - in October.......
[quote]
Well, DD will be 18 in a couple of months. I have come to the realization that we can't make her do anything that she does not want to do. </p>

<p>I will just be there to provide support for this process and hope every thing will work out o.k.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Hope DAD can get back to this place - if not - It will be a real shame.</p>

<p>Will just wish DADII and his DD (and DS as well) - good luck - hope you all survive this nitemare.</p>

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<p>Wow....just wow! Did you really do that, dad? I sincerely hope that you added the last post just for dramatic effect. If not, first you really didn't help your daughter much did you? Second, we've all got kids that procrastinate ...and the better response would have been to get on board and help in any way possible. While you can't write the essay, a quick discussion about it, or offer to proof-read for grammar and spelling, or bringing the kid a coke or other snack while she was working might have been more productive than anger and unplugging the computer. Third, you say that your daughter is highly regarded, outside the house, and yet you are in conflict with her and in a previous thread you indicate that she is in conflict with your wife as well (Seeking advices from Mom who has teen D). Why do you think this might be? Fourth, is it a really good idea to teach your children that they should give of themselves (helping out the GC) only when they have something to gain in return?</p>

<p>You've got a winner.....celebrate her! She seems to have a nice list of colleges that she applied to and I genuinely hope she has to great choices come April. Please let your next post be about you apologizing to your child for your behavior and how you are going to all work together for the rest of her senior year and on to college. Please.</p>

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<p>Now I am realy realy hoping that DadII is a troll.</p>

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<p>To all: It's not my way to criticize others when they are going to truly insane extremes to teach their children a life lesson. We must appreciate each other as parents and try to find a perspective that allows such actions to be considered as "normal" or "rational" or in the kid's "best interest" (whether that perspective be a cultural perspective from somewhere on this planet or another or a wholly imaginary construct of a crazy french nobleman) . </p>

<p>Thank you.</p>

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<p>I hate to say it - but there is more of this going on than we could ever imagine - sadly - and for many reasons - prestige - honor - power, etc.... - it doesn't matter the reason - it is getting out of hand in this generation.</p>

<p>This thread certainly has brought it to a very visual focus - wether any of us as parents want to agree or not - expectations of perfection are very difficult to live up to - by any high school student doing the college search and trying to figure out their futures. Some parents just won't settle for anything less than perfection - in everything their child does or attempts to do. </p>

<p>For me personally - I could never live that way - I have accepted my kids for exactly who and what they are - and they certainly are not perfect in every way - and neither am I for that matter - but I don't love them any less for it - in fact - I probably love them even more for their achievements - sometimes against great odds - and know that they are both very happy and healthy young adults - both pleased with how their lives are shaping up and both have bright and happy futures. I can rest easy now. :)</p>

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<p>I've refrained from commenting, though I've been following this thread closely.</p>

<p>If DadII is a troll, no harm done. If not, nothing anyone on here says is going to make a bit of difference to this obviously overwrought person. Many have tried, in good faith, to say things to improve the situation, so he knows where the majority opinions lie (dd is a fabulous girl, father needs to back off). I think continuing to feed this post is useless at this point.</p>

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<p>


</p>

<p>So, youdon'tsay, are you saying restraints are necessary in this situation?</p>

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<p>You guys don't get it, do you???!!!</p>

<p>What if the internet was down that night? What if the power was off that night? If there is something important, one must get it done before the last minute just in case. You may be luck the first time, the second time and so on and so forth. But one must develop a good habit because sooner or later it will catch you. </p>

<p>Sacrifying something that is very important such as a major application to do something that could be done at a different time or by different people is lack of judgement.</p>

<p>All I did was to ask DD to spend the minimum time to have a decent application. Rushing at last minutes after 14 hours of work is not the optimal condition to do a "decent" job. I don't understand why you guys keep saying I seek perfection.</p>

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<p>curmudgeon... You're bad. Making me choke on my soda like that!</p>

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<p>Reality check DadII. Your thinking is not in the realm of normal at this time. The internet was not down. You need to deal with real situations and not <em>what might be.</em> Pointing out the possibilities is one thing. Sabotaging her application purposely is something else entirely. You will not get any support here for doing that.</p>

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<p>"This thing started this past Friday. It was pretty late and I just found out the DD was working on her essay for the full ride competition. The dealine was 11:59PM so she was rushing it throuht. While she knew she must get this done that night, she spent the whole afternoon at school helping GC and got home after 8 PM. </p>

<p>I unplugged the power switch in the middle of anger. So, she did not meet the deadline nor was anything submitted. "</p>

<p>I am speechless at how you deliberately ruined your D's chances. As I have said before, it is very possible that an excellent student like your D could have written a merit award-winning essay in an hour or less. Just because you may have needed weeks to have written such an essay doesn't mean the same is true for your D.</p>

<p>"While most of you mentioned EC is valuable to college, I am sure you will agree that EC should be some meaningful activities. If one student put down - helping GC for 5 hours, you think the scholarship committee will be impressed to give one a scholarship? "</p>

<p>Actually, I have been on scholarship committees at the national, local and regional level, and would have been impressed by a student who did what your D did. In fact, many of us who are experienced with such things have stated the same.</p>

<p>In addition, what your D did certainly would have impressed her GC who is probably the very most important person outside of your D when it comes to whether or not your D gets chosen for scholarships. Your D gave her GC a wonderful opportunity to know her even better and for the GC to be able to vouch that your D has a genuine interested in community service (something that relatively few students have), and didn't just do it to dress up her college apps.</p>

<p>Virtually all colleges -- especially top ones and ones offering merit aid -- want students who care about others and are self motivated to volunteer. </p>

<p>Your D's scores already would qualify her for most colleges and most merit aid in the country. The ECs that she has been doing -- including what she did Sat. -- would have been the type of thing that would have tipped your D in for a scholarship.</p>

<p>Too bad that you let your D down by allowing your anger to rule you. There is absolutely no excuse for what you did. The power didn't go out. Instead, you deliberately messed up your D's chances for a scholarship. Your anger-fueled behavior was immature, thoughtless and reflected a controlling way of dealing with things.</p>

<p>Everything that you have told us about your D indicates she is a wonderful and accomplished young woman that most parents would be proud of. I am truly sorry that you don't have respect for the gem that you helped create.</p>

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<p>Dad II,
you don't get it, do you? This is NOT a way to teach anybody a lesson. This is the way to destroying the relationship with your daughter.</p>

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<p>Dad II - children learn best through "natural consequences", not false punishment.</p>