I feel bad, realy realy bad

Parents Forum
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<p>As a student, all I can say is that I feel bad, really, really bad ... for your daughter.</p>

<p>You’ve gone out of your way on this thread to portray your daughter as an irresponsible, ungrateful person … and then you pull the plug on the computer while she is trying to submit her scholarship application?? </p>

<p>I can’t begin to image why your daughter is having such a hard time showing her “appreciation for your hard work”. Emotional cruelty is such a small price to pay for financial support. (sarcasm intended)</p>

<p>I may only be 18, and I may not have a college degree yet – but I don’t think I need one to read between the lines.</p>

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<p>NSM
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I am truly sorry that you don't have respect for the gem that you helped create.

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<p>well said - in a nutshell</p>

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<p>I love both of kids very very deeply. However, I am the parent so I must exercise my right to offer guidance to them. </p>

<p>For example, DD scored low on one subject of ACT. I actually went and tried to do sample tests. After 10 minutes of reading, I told her that I am very proud of her and that she is way smart than I am. I could get 20 on that test if I were lucky. However, I followed, a lot people said you need to understand the format and don't read too much about the questions. In other words, I do my best to understand the situation and then offer suggestions.</p>

<p>I have seen way too many times that someone made huge mistake when they rushed at the last minutes. Very bad habit to have.</p>

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<p>I would hazard a guess that since these kids have written MANY essays about themselves and their goals over the past few months, it would not take a great deal of time to crank out a new essay (or modify an existing one) in a short period of time.</p>

<p>If the power went out, a college would be understanding. So what's your D to do -- shame her family by saying telling the scholarship committee, "My dad pulled the power cord while I was writing my essay because he was mad at me"? Or instead, does she now live with the dirty family secret about why she didn't get that merit $$? </p>

<p>I understand when parents have high expectations. I know we often expect our teenagers to have the time management and life skills we adults worked years to develop. But this is over the line. Peace out.</p>

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<p>NorthstarMom:</p>

<p>Nice, well thought out and rational post. I agree with everything you've said. </p>

<p>DadII:</p>

<p>I am appalled that any parent would sabotage their child's hard work in the way that you have done, all in the name of teaching some ill-conceived lesson on responsibility!</p>

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<p>DadII, your self-righteousness will be cold comfort when you no longer have a daughter in your life and aren't a part of the spectacular success that is surely in her future.</p>

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<p>A couple days ago, some posters, including me, were chastised for not being understanding, not seeing that he was trying, not being sympathetic. Meanwhile, quite a few posts conceded some agreement in the difficult-ness of the D, even echoing the "lazy" word, though trying to say that even if she was somewhat so, harsh methods might not help her see her way (how understanding).</p>

<p>I said at the time that:</p>

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I'm willing to concede he is not a troll, but either he is fully aware of the total inconsistency of his positions, and he is playing with the sympathy capacities of this board, or he is not, and he needs serious help.</p>

<p>I really, truly believe that every answering post which comes laden with even an iota of fellow feeling and sympathy is just a another weight of justification loaded onto this poor young woman's back.

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<p>And this last development, if it's to be believed, seems to support that further than I would've liked, or imagined. </p>

<p>A lot of critical discernment has gone missing on this thread.</p>

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<p>DadII,
All the good and supportive things you say to your D at other times are OBLITERATED by the things you do out of irrational anger. Kids don't always remember the good stuff we parents tell them. They have memories like elephants when it comes to the bad.</p>

<p>You don't want to know how I know this. :(</p>

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<p>in a nutshell</p>

<p>JeepMOM, would the shell have restraints? I think y'all are coming up with some good ideas here. Maybe we can combine them?</p>

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<p>I really upset!!</p>

<p>H has been procrastinating putting in the snaps for those hurricane shutters for months. So today, I took a sledge hammer to every window in the house. Hey, what if a hurricane had come? That'll teach him not to put things off!</p>

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<p>From his previous posts, most of the parents here are assuming that this scholarship was important to DadII or his daughter's college plans. I don't think it was. DadII seems to be saying state school honors program is good enough for these other kids but not mine. We are better than that and she should know it. He has told his daughter he would not pay for OSU. If she were to get a full ride that included at least tuition, room, board, she could get a part time job to cover other expenses. Then, she wouldn't need his financial support and at this time, what else does he give her? So, get and accept this scholarship, lose power over daughter. </p>

<p>Daughter now knows that having to go to OSU, even on a full-ride would be a disgrace to family. So, better to flip hamburgers than accept such a disgrace. Why bother to work toward this? Dad won't let me go anyway and I would be a disgrace so maybe not worth my time busting my a trying to get this. Better that it go to someone whose family could really appreciate it and who will actually be grateful for this kind of opportunity. </p>

<p>All this scholarship was to the various players in this family was a power struggle. Daughter asserted her independence and decided to prove Dad right. If you are going to call me a slacker, loser and failure, I might as well live up to that. (NO, I DO NOT BELIEVE DAUGHTER IS ANY OF THOSE THINGS. I believe she think she is or believes that Dad will never see her any other way so why try) Dad will never let her accept anything that will allow her to be free of the one thing he gives her - financial support - and by pulling the plug and showing her what happens when she waits until the last minute, he has that financial control back. </p>

<p>So, daughter doesn's have to do essay or compete at scholarship competition which she knows she can't accept anyway. Dad can be all smug saying, see I told you not to cross me and now look what you have done to me, I will have to work until 85 and you will always owe me. </p>

<p>At this point, maybe the best thing is to suggest that daughter get into that guidance counselor and make sure he/she knows that she wants consideration for any and all scholarships that can be used at multiple universities. Many local scholarships are still under consideration and in those, guidance office often controls who even gets to compete. If DadII seriously wants any of those to come his daughter's way, he better stay out of that guidance office because it is his daughter who now has the inside track and he would kill her chances. </p>

<p>Hopefully, sometime in the near future, DadII can find peace in his own life and acceptance of what he has accomplished so that he doesn't have to vent all his own frustration or fears on his kids. I wish both his daughter, son and himself luck in moving on past this and concentrating on building a future that brings them together instead of driving them apart.</p>

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<p>"DadII,
All the good and supportive things you say to your D at other times are OBLITERATED by the things you do out of irrational anger. Kids don't always remember the good stuff we parents tell them. They have memories like elephants when it comes to the bad."</p>

<p>CountingDown, I agree completely.</p>

<p>I still can't figure out if this character is a troll or not. I fear that he isn't and feel very sorry for his children.</p>

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<p>Doubleplay!!!!</p>

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<p>Watching this thread has been like watching a train wreck . . . so awful and yet so hard to look away!</p>

<p>I really hope and believe that his DD will do spectacularly well once she is out on her own. I've watched and read DadII's other threads with interest because he has always brought about good and thoughtful discussions that affect all of us that are going through this college process for the first time, but this latest is way over the top!</p>

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<p>DadII, The habit of sabatoging applications is a very bad habit to have.</p>

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<p>Wow.</p>

<p>I hugged my son today (which offends his 15 year old senses, even in private). I had to. He needed to know that I love him just as he is.</p>

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<p>Doubleplay, I have done things like that. You know what, when you ask the next time, they remembered and things get done right away. A few broken window is a small price to pay.</p>

<p>Also, I want to clarify about State U. What I said was that if I have to pay COA which is $24K for state U, I would rather pay the full EFC which is $28K for other U on the list. As a matter of fact, it was my heavy hands that got DD to add State U on her list. I will be very happy to send her to State U if we get some merit money. However, I would rather pay full efc for Harvard than full COA of state U.</p>

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<p>unbelievable</p>

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<p>Dad II...no one is questioning your desire for your daughter to put forth her best application and essay. It's your response that's caused some concern, as in: telling her you won't pay for state U, or perhaps won't/can't pay your EFC, etc....</p>

<p>I don't usually post or pay a lot of attention to such threads....that is until I read about a poster named lucifer11287. CC members who've been around since 2006 will remember his frequent posts about drinking and our shock when we learned of his tragic and untimely death from alcohol poisoning. To the credit of some posters here....people did try to help him, to no avail. I keep his name sticky posted on my bulletin board as a reminder.</p>

<p>This is a real dad and a real young lady. Now perhaps dad is only venting here, yet his description of his behavior is making some of us uncomfortable. So let's hope that the dad, while still expecting and hoping for the best from his daughter, will say he is sorry for the cord yanking behavior...and the family can find a way to respect each other and move forward during what should be a very happy and exciting time for this young lady.</p>

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<p>^ It is believable, unfortunately. Anyone who has been involved in an abusive relationship will believe this guy does the irrational, self destructive things he does.</p>

<p>Fortunately for his daughter, she can move out soon and, one way or another, get an education and freedom. Yes she can, Dad II.</p>

<p>I have one other thought for DadII - think about how you'd feel if you had one of those children who really does not compare well to others - because of brain injury, for example. Thank your lucky stars you got a healthy, capable kid, and quit abusing her because she may not make you look like superman.</p>