<p>Hate to say it, but my interpretation of what Dad II wrote was correct - he would pay for HYP, but not for a state school.</p>
<p>He is crazy. He will kill his kids someday, rather have them be imperfect.</p>
<p>DadII, may I suggest (again) to relax and concentrate on issues that can be changed. </p>
<p>I'll also repeat that things will become a lot clearer to you in April and May. Many people have spoken to you and shared their experiences. I am sure that many shared your anxiety during the "first time around" but realized that "things" work out. Some day, you will laugh at all that has happened. However, you'll want all your bridges intact. </p>
<p>It's not too late.</p>
<p>
Dad, doubleplay was being facetious. Her situation was analogous to yours. Both are ridiculous! You don't destroy your windows because your husband didn't put up the shutters as quickly as you wanted. You don't destroy your daughter's scholarship chance because she didn't get started on it quickly enough for your liking.</p>
<p>
She probably would have received the full-tuition scholarship if you hadn't sabotaged her efforts. This will hit YOU in the pocketbook, Dad. You won't be able to send her to State U with merit money because you pulled the plug on her scholarship application. That was simply a dumb thing to do, and it didn't teach her anything.</p>
<p>"Doubleplay, I have done things like that. You know what, when you ask the next time, they remembered and things get done right away. A few broken window is a small price to pay."</p>
<p>What you are describing doing is what would is considered by many people like psychologists and other mental health professionals to be abusive, threatening and and out of control rage indicating serious problems with anger.</p>
<p>Yes, I imagine that your family did what you said the next time -- because they were terrified of your out of control behavior, not because you were right.</p>
<p>"Also, I want to clarify about State U. What I said was that if I have to pay COA which is $24K for state U, I would rather pay the full EFC which is $28K for other U on the list. As a matter of fact, it was my heavy hands that got DD to add State U on her list. I will be very happy to send her to State U if we get some merit money."</p>
<p>Was State U's merit application that you pulled the electrical cord from the computer so your D couldn't make the deadline?</p>
<p>"That was simply a dumb thing to do, and it didn't teach her anything."</p>
<p>It taught her that her dad is irrational and has major problems with anger. It didn't teach her what her father wanted it to teach her.</p>
<p>
<p>I really upset!!</p>
<p>H has been procrastinating putting in the snaps for those hurricane shutters for months. So today, I took a sledge hammer to every window in the house. Hey, what if a hurricane had come? That'll teach him not to put things off!
</p>
<p>
<p>Doubleplay, I have done things like that. You know what, when you ask the next time, they remembered and things get done right away. A few broken window is a small price to pay.
</p>
<p>uuggghh.... please don't tell me anyone still has doubts!</p>
<p>
[quote]
What you are describing doing is what would is considered by many people like psychologists and other mental health professionals to be abusive, threatening and and out of control rage indicating serious problems with anger.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Or mental illness.</p>
<p>sta800, I hope you are right and that he is a troll. I have a sad feeling that he is not, though.</p>
<p>You know what, I am going to be mean from here on. I am getting tired looking at all these fingers pointed at me. Are you guys for real?</p>
<p>You will pay $24K for a State U over $28K for Harvard?
If your child, after working a full day, knowingly left 1 hour to complete a major application near the deadline. You will not get upset and you will give him/her a hot coco to encourage them to do it again? Is it because it was not your kid?</p>
<p>As far as I know, your daughter is not yet accepted into Harvard. Nor do you know what your financial aid package will be. Is that correct?</p>
<p>She was filling out an application for a merit scholarship that would have substantially reduced or eliminated her tuition at Ohio State U.</p>
<p>Until you pulled the plug. Now you either have to pay full price at OSU, or pay however-much-it-costs at another college (maybe Harvard, maybe not? who says she will get in?). You took one of your potential lower-cost options off the table when you pulled the computer plug. Don't blame your D for that.</p>
<p>DadII how do you and your daughter interact in other areas of her life? Are you pleasant to her boyfriends?</p>
<p>DadII, does the DAUGHTER get a say in ANY of this?!?!?! Where does SHE want to go?</p>
<p>Your ego is so tied into where your kids go to college that you can't see straight. Stop making it about you. That is, of course, if you're really who you represent yourself to be. It's very hard to tell if that's true anymore.</p>
<p>@ oregonianmom</p>
<p>I know what you mean, but troll or no troll I think we're making a mistake by posting on this thread.</p>
<p>If he's for real, he's at the very least a very unreasonable person with a short fuse. We might just be fueling his anger and the only who will end up paying for it might be his daughter. Just MHO.</p>
<p>sta800, you are right. I, for one, am done with this thread.</p>
<p>DadII,
no matter how upset I would get at S for procrastination( hypothetically, because being a procrastinator myself I completely understand where it comes from) I would never do such a nonsensical and useless thing as sabotaging his application.</p>
<p>Dad II: I believe in allowing my teens to learn from the natural consequences of their mistakes as long as what they are doing doesn't endanger their lives or others.</p>
<p>S, 19, managed to miss all of the deadlines for the colleges that he planned to apply for senior year. I did not go ballistic, etc. I told him far in advance that college apps take longer than one would anticipate. He never got his in, and he had to take the consequences; which meant doing a gap year, something that ended up working to his advantage.</p>
<p>When I taught college, I repeatedly told students that if they waited until the last minute to do a paper, odds are that their computer would freeze, the printer wouldn't work or something else would prevent their making deadline. I didn't need to deliberately unplug a computer to teach them about the consequences of waiting until the last minute. At some point, Life will teach them that lesson. </p>
<p>If your D had been my D, I wouldn't have hung around the house to watch over her. I probably would have deliberately left the house because it would have been too stressful for me to watch her trying to make deadline at the last minute.</p>
<p>I would have told D far in advance how much I was willing to pay for college each year. If her waiting until the last minute caused her to miss out on the merit aid, I'd still stick to what I promised. If there was a shortfall, it would be her responsibility to make up the difference. If there wasn't a shortfall, I'd pay what I'd promised.</p>
<p>If you read my back posts, you'll very much see that I'm for real. </p>
<p>"You will pay $24K for a State U over $28K for Harvard?"</p>
<p>I promised each kid a certain amount to pay for their college ed no matter what college they chose to go to. I haven't had a kid who has had the choice of Harvard vs. State U., but if my kid did make that choice, I'd pay the $24 k for state U because it's their life, not mine. And I say that as a Harvard grad.</p>
<p>I got DD to apply 3 out of total 8 schools - state U, Vandy, and Harvard. Out of that, it was trying out luck with Harvard. Vandy because they always take good top students from DD's HS. State U was her safety. Some may remember that I post my struggle to get both Vandy and state U on the list. </p>
<p>ZM, please don't bring up that point.</p>
<p>I hope that the mods don't lock or close this thread. I think some important lessons can be found here.</p>
<p>Kids who grow up in families with abusive behavior often don't know that what they are experiencing isn't normal. They can suffer from self doubt and second guess their own behavior and instincts. While Dad II's daughter may not be reading the comments here, other kids whose parents exhibit similar behavior might be. For them, it's important to point out that this behavior isn't healthy.</p>
<p>Given the circumstances, do we have any advice for the daughter? I would suggest she go to that GC and ask if anything can be done at the scholarship school to see if she can submit that ap late. I'm not sure what I'd suggest she do to control her dad. While I'm sure she itches to defy him, that may not be a good idea. It might be a good idea for her to go to a school that gives her a full ride, just so she doesn't depend on him to pay the bills.</p>
<p>I've been following this poster, under 2 names, and while I've been tempted to think he's a troll, his story is consistent enough that I think he's for real.</p>
<p>Based on what he revealed about his income and savings in prior posts, he has plenty of money to meet his EFC. I don't buy the "poor me" image at all. What's sad is that he's using that money to hold his daughter hostage.</p>
<p>Poor kid. Can you just imagine what she was going through when her dad pulled that plug?</p>
<p>I'm going to say a prayer that this young woman gets money somewhere and gets as far as possible from her father. I wonder what he wouldn't do to protect his honor.</p>
<p>My advice to any person who is living with a person who is exhibiting the kind of out of control anger that the OP describes to realize that they are being abused and in danger, and then to take the time to read professionally-run sites giving advice to abuse victims, and then to follow that advice. </p>
<p>Here's an example of advice on such a site:
"If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, it can help to understand why some people abuse — and to realize that the violence is not your fault. Sometimes abusers manipulate the people they are abusing by telling them they did something wrong or "asked for it" in some way. But that's not true.....</p>
<p>People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect anyone from being abused — it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.</p>
<p>If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust — a family member, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or a school or religious youth counselor. Many teachers and counselors have training in how to recognize and report abuse.</p>
<p>Telephone directories list local child abuse and family violence hotline numbers that you can call for help. There's also Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD ([800] 422-4453).</p>
<p>Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it's sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend.</p>
<p>People who are being abused often feel afraid, numb, or lonely. Getting help and support is an important first step toward changing the situation....."
<a href="http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/family_abuse.html%5B/url%5D">http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/family_abuse.html</a></p>