<p>I missed the whole unplugging part. That is so inappropriate, I'm not sure what to say. Cutting off your nose to spite your (daughter's) face? Shooting yourself in your (daughter's) foot? Why are you doing this?</p>
<p>As I've said,I was a royal pain for awhile when my son was doing apps so I'm no angel. But I did come here and learn to back off. And the backing off did help. Son had already done way more than he needed to get into a good college. Backing off helped our relationship because I just let him be. As it happened, he then applied to all 10 colleges, but if he had stopped at that point, the great thing would be that I had backed off, loved the kid he was and would celebrate whatever results he had.</p>
I called D today after my last post here and left this message "Hey, sweetie. Call your dad. Just need to hear your voice. Well..... that and to ask you to forgive me."</p>
<p>Goodness. DadII, when I posted I wanted to tell you that I was in the exact same position as your daughter when I was in high school. Granted we did things on a different time table, but that's just personality differences. Guess where I went? The big state school that you look down on. (Well, I'm at UVa, not OSU, but state school nonetheless). Guess where I've really matured and developed my life? That big state school. Guess where I found the passion for a field of interest that is now my major? That big state school. Guess where I'm heavily involved in extracurriculars and consequently have made connections leading to interviews, internships, and other offers? That big state school. Guess what do I not listen to? Parents telling me big state school sucks (they've finally come around though). Guess where I have been happiest all my life? That big state school. Guess what I'll do when I graduate? Living me own darned life.</p>
<p>CURM - I sure hope your gal called you back :) I remember your adventures getting your gal heading towards the future - you did a wonderful job!!</p>
<p>I have had that same conversation - and hugs to go with it - with both of my kids at one point or another - we all have survived unscathed it seems. I know you have as well ;)</p>
<p>She did . About 30 minutes ago. Seems all is well. She acted as if I had lost my mind. "Dad. I pushed myself. Don't worry about it. Where did all this come from?" Uuuhhhh...well....uhhh....nevermind.</p>
<p>Dad II, I can't believe you shut down the power and cut off the power, didn't let D send scholarship application. You were punishing yourself, and hurting your D. I can't understand how you can do that. I understand you were upset at that situation. If I were you, I would be upset too. No matter how upset you were, the most important thing is to finish the application as soon as possibe, not to cut off the power. I am wondering why your wife didn't stop you. unbeliverable.</p>
<p>because of my poor English, I really don't know how to express myself in English. I hope you and D can get along soon. Good Luck to you & your D!</p>
<p>S is working on presidential scholar essays. He said he was going to write about us on the essay "How community and family has impact on him". I hope I can get his permission to share his essay with all of you in the right time.
It will show what kind of Asian family we are.</p>
<p>
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I hope I can get his permission to share his essay with all of you in the right time.
It will show what kind of Asian family we are.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>mmm168. Nobody is painting with a broad brush. At least I hope nobody is. The Asian families I know have healthy relationships with their children as I'm sure you have, too.</p>
<p>Echoing what Curmdgeon indicated. From experience with my Asian friends, I know that the OP's viewpoints and ways of parenting don't represent the views or methods of all Asian parents.</p>
<p>Cur - once again you have the ability to see the true value of this thread. great opportunity for introspection. How many times have any of us pushed too hard - or too little. How many times have we let anger or stuborness dictate our actions - only to feel remorse later. What an opportunity to head off some of these situations by learning from the posters here. Advice is great - but often much more useful when we take in instead of giving it. Maybe there is a reason why we have two ears and one mouth.</p>
<p>Just to let you know, I did my major scholarship application to about an hour, and it was to a private Top 50 school. I got the full scholarship. I also did not have the perfect scores or any other "hooks." I did not end up attending the school, but now I am at an Ivy.</p>
<p>What's similar about the situation is that my dad can sometimes be a little like you (although nowhere NEAR as bad). I can tell you that the whole college application has really damaged our relationship. It has been four years, and we still aren't don't really talk much. I mean, we don't really fight, but there is a gap. And he is a good preson -- I know that, but that's just how I feel.</p>
<p>No broad-brush painting here, cross my heart.</p>
<p>I also read the book about Whitney High in Cerritos, "School of Dreams," and the thing that struck me most was how unique and individual each of the students and families in this school, which is 90 percent Asian, were portrayed. There were the stereotypical tyrannical parents and nose-to-the-grindstone students, but they were not the majority. There were rebels and slackers and dreamers and artists and by the end, when the college acceptances are out and the year draws to a close, the overall impression is the incredible strength and support and affection in these families. </p>
<p>And btw, the year the author spent in this hotbead of academic achievement, the most sought after school as I recall was a four-digit (UCLA), not a single digit.</p>
<p>Don't think this father is a troll just because you've never met anyone who has this attitude towards college admissions. Many Caucasian parents don't understand or comprehend the kinds of things that go on behind closed doors and shut windows in asian american families. And asians are notoriously private about family affairs and conflicts, especially towards people of other races.</p>
<p>As someone the same age as Dad II's daughter, I believe his story and am not surprised about how it has played out. In truth, I know from my friends and from my own experiences that these scenarios are common for asian american parents. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a lot of lurkers in this thread who have parents almost exactly like Dad II. I've had a few power-unplugging experiences of my own, almost identical to the one that happened here. For some reason, I even have friends who have had their power cut when things don't go the way the parent wants. I don't know what it is about Asian parents and cutting power... but there's definitely something going on there. Yes, many people will cut off a nose to spite a face, just to prove a point. It's actually pretty uncanny how heavily culture affects one's sense of what is right and wrong.</p>
<p>
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I wouldn't be surprised if there were a lot of lurkers in this thread who have parents almost exactly like Dad II.
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</p>
<p>You are absolutely right. I'm one of those lurkers you refer to. I rarely post on these boards but I read them regularly. I've been following this thread with interest for a few days because Dad II reminds me a lot of my father. Too much so. My brother's refusal to pursue the college career my father CHOSE FOR HIM resulted in more than a pulled computer cord. He totally trashed a computer, tv and several other electronic appliances before he was done. My brother moved out and my mother, sister and I were forbidden to speak or correspond with him. For 3 years we had no contact with him except for a friend who would occasionally let my mother know my brother was ok, and that had to be done in secret. My father died last year and refused to see or speak to my brother even at the very end. </p>
<p>I wish this guy was a troll but I don't think so either. The only thing that does makes me suspicious is something else that you mentioned:</p>
<p>
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And asians are notoriously private about family affairs and conflicts, especially towards people of other races.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree. The only thing that surprised me as I read Dad II's comments was how many details he revealed. I guess there's an exception to every rule, but privacy is practically sacred especially to elders. Come to think of it, I don't think I'm ready to rule out the possibility that this is a troll.</p>
<p>I have not had a chance yet to read through this entire thread, so apologize if this has been said already, but I noticed in another college thread that a student was able to submit a scholarship application three weeks past the deadline, and, according to the student, the school accepted it. I don't know if this is accurate, or even fair (don't know all the circumstances) but it is worth a call to the school to see if the scholarship application can be submitted late. I saw the suggestions to say you were having computer problems. They may or may not accept a late application. </p>
<p>That said, I , too , have a child who likes to push things to the last minute, but somehow, for the mostpart, he gets them done. Perhaps they could have been done better, and he has to take ownership of that, but they get done.</p>
<p>The kind posters on CC have tried in good faith for over a year to help this guy through the college admissions maze. He seems to "get it" for a while, and then he pulls a stunt like he did on Friday! He doesn't get it and never will. It looks like he just enjoys being the center of discussion here, and when things die down, he starts another thread that he knows will get a rise. Maybe we ought to stop taking the bait.</p>
<p>I feel so sorry for his D, but also for his younger S who probably has no idea what's in store for him.</p>