<p>Wow, it is still going. I got to give credits to many of you for your imagination.</p>
<p>No but on a more serious note - have you considered anger management classes?</p>
<p>By strange coincidence, an article in today's New York Times gives another example of plug-pulling relating to competitive school admissions. This story is about the overwhelming competitiveness and stress in India for parents to get their kids admitted to the "right" nursery school or primary school.</p>
<p>
[quote]
A director at another school recalled receiving a phone call from the electricity board, threatening to cut off her school’s power if a certain child was not admitted.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Happy New Year to you, DadII. Do the Chinese have a tradition of New Year's resolutions? A good one would be to ease up on your kids.</p>
<p>"It is not uncommon to hear Chinese parents telling other Chinese parents how bad their kids are doing at school when in fact they're doing quite well. Other Chinese parents will likely reply with similar comments about their own kids. They are actually quite proud of their kids, & they do not want to come across as boasting which is almost a sin in a society deeply rooted in Confucius teaching."</p>
<p>That doesn't describe past history with Dad II, however. In previous conversations, he needed to be gently coached that polite social conversation or chit-chat with coworkers in the US does NOT include sharing one's child's GPA, # of AP classes, SAT scores, etc. -- that it is considered appropriate to say "My child's doing really well and has really taken an interest in chemistry / history / photography and we're looking at schools on the East Coast" but not "My child received straight A's last quarter and got a 34 on the ACT and she'll only consider HYP."</p>
<p>It's not that the two jobs stress him out; he's said he has $112K in the bank for dd's education. What stresses him out is ... what if she doesn't get into any of the "better" schools and has to "settle" for OSU Honors? How will he ever save face, esp in front of the brother with the daughter going to Stanford? He hasn't internalized the fact that a daughter as smart as his daughter is, with that level of accomplishment, who is even in the <em>running</em> for the top schools, is going to do just fine wherever she goes. Fancy brand name or not. </p>
<p>He's also very conflicted about the money. He doesn't seem to want to pay the EFC. Well, if that's the case, then you shouldn't put only schools that don't give merit aid on the list. You can't have it both ways.</p>
<p>"polite social conversation or chit-chat with coworkers in the US does NOT include sharing one's child's GPA, # of AP classes, SAT scores, etc. -- "</p>
<p>Pizzagirl - you must not live in the suburbs!! That's the ONLY topic of conversation!</p>
<p>Muffy, converstions like that in my NYC suburb would be considered gauche. Of course, there are always those who are so narcisistic that they must blather on about their kids. But plenty of eye-rolling & smirking results. Most people have at least a cursory understanding of social graces. Just the other day I was cornered by a mom of a sixth grader who was telling me about her D's "extraordinary" academic record. I was fascinated!!! (not) But that's really the exception around here or at D's private school.</p>
<p>From my perspective, the reasons for the plug pulling are rather simple. DadII does NOT want D going to Ohio State--scholarship or not. He's made that abundantly clear, both directly and indirectly, in earlier posts. First he says that he'll pay for private universities but not a penny for state U...then when daughter is filling out an application that could conceivably cover all of her expenses to the dreaded state U without his help, an excuse is found to prevent it from ever being sent. He may have semi-lucid moments where he realizes that it very well may be the family's best financial option Then the whole issue of prestige and cultural dynamic of saving face with brother take over, and Ohio State is referred to as preparing daughter for a career flipping burgers.</p>
<p>I'm sure that it's the same reason that Michigan or Wisconsin weren't on her application list. Given D's credentials and the family's finances, they would seem naturals. Those are universities for whom D would undoubtedly be eligible for considerable merit aid, are within a relatively close distance to Ohio and are excellent universities. They, however, are state U's, and that is unacceptable in DadII's world. I would guess that Ohio State only made the list in a moment of semi-clarity as a financial safety, and that decision has been regretted ever since.</p>
<p>Whether it was a conscious or subconscious action, the plug pulling was not an inadvertent, spur of the moment tantrum. Had he not been able to use the procrastination as an excuse, I have little doubt that other reasons would have been found for sabotaging any likelihood of D ending up in Columbus. I'm also pretty sure that if that scholarship app--procrastination or not--had been to Duke or Stanford, that plug would have stayed firmly in the socket.</p>
<p>Here is a story of how a S struggle with his abusive father.</p>
<p>He eventually comes to term with the struggle, but not without soul searching over the years. </p>
<p>I hope DADII's D reads the linked story from someone who finally overcomes the obstacle and strives.</p>
<p>Muffy, I do live in the suburbs, and I stand by my statement. Please look at past threads for Dad II. In social situations, he appeared to brag in what most polite people (by American standards) would consider a gauche way about the specific achievements of his daughter. Note how others on CC were <em>praising</em> him for having attended a dinner with the boss during which he was able to refrain from bragging and was able to have polite chit-chat about his daughter and her college search without numbers-dropping.</p>
<p>
[quote]
DadII does NOT want D going to Ohio State--scholarship or not.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think he is the one that asked his D to add Ohio State to her list.</p>
<p>Yes, he did ask her to add OSU to the list. But it's abundantly clear he considers OSU, even Honors, nothing even remotedly close to a "good" choice. It is very clear that the prestige of a program is of critical importance to him, and given his background, OSU doesn't have it. He seems to be oblivious that many successful people have gone to OSU. It's all about what the extended family thinks, and there are only a few certain colleges that are "worthwhile." </p>
<p>I think his real fear is that dd doesn't get in anywhere else (which is a possibility despite her excellent stats - none of the schools she's applying to are matches or safeties for <em>anyone</em>) and that he'll have the shame of sending her to OSU, and having to pay almost as much as he would have shelled out to send her to Harvard et al. Because that wouldn't be a "good deal", because you know, unless you wind up at Harvard your life pretty much isn't worth living. </p>
<p>I'm a USN&W Top 20 grad myself :-) and I understand being a prestige whore to some extent, but he is not in touch with reality.</p>
<p>Muffy, check out the thread entitled "Expectations" started by Dad II. It is in response to earlier threads in which he was chastised for being gauche by mentioning his daughter's stats in social conversations when others said to him, "So, how's your daughter doing these days? Getting ready for college?" and he would start quoting numbers.</p>
<p>Yes, I agree he/she/it violated Miss Manners' rules of etiquette, but I don't think that indicates being or not being from any particular culture, just another hyper parent.</p>
<p>I know we're careful around here not to brag too openly about our kids. Around here meaning VT, not CC. One of the great reasons for hanging around CC is the shameless boasting that is appropriate because it's "Confidential"!</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I agree with you. I just corrected the fact from my reading his post. I'm guessing his real fear is if she goes to OS and he has to pay full price. If that is the case it's his fault for yanking the cord.</p>
<p>I haven't noticed a lot of "shameless boasting" from CC parents, but maybe it makes less of an impact online. My dentist, my boss, and the lady who walks her chihuahua past my house have no problem talking about their kid's grades and SATs and fishing for info about my kids!</p>
<p>just read that article posted above. For every one kid who can overcome an abusive upbringing, there are many many more who take decades, if a not a lifetime to overcome emotional abuse.</p>
<p>Kuddos to that fellow</p>
<p>I wonder if the subconscious motivation behind the power shut down was the prospect of having her apply for the OSU scholarship.....and not get it. </p>
<p>If the story about the brother with the Stanford student is true, this has to be the worst case scenario for him: brother's D gets full ride to Stanford and his D doesn't win the full ride to even OSU. He kept going on about how he thought she was going to turn in a bad application because it was done at the last minute so maybe that was the underlying reason for the sabotage.</p>
<p>Now, D is in the much more stressful situation of having to win substantial scholarship money from one of her reaches. If she does, she will win back her father's approval. If she doesn't, ell, I shudder to think. </p>
<p>My hope --- if this is a real person and not part of an elaborate internet theater piece with us as audience participation --- is that D approaches her GC, who helps her submit a past-deadline app to the OSU scholarship committee. She wins and has a safety net in case the other apps don't work out.</p>