<p>34 is a great score. I can't remember, but I think I remember that my nephew needed to get a 31 or 32 to qualify for a large merit scholarship at his college in the midwest -- Concordia in Moorhead, MN -- I know it's not a highly selective school, but gives a solid education and is actually quite good for its music programs. I'll have to double check on the numbers . . .</p>
<p>My son's composite was 34 and he was accepted everywhere he applied. No full rides--except the ones he was offered for NMF at large OOS U's--but he got probably the maximum merit awards his particular schools offered. Like OP's D, he also had a great GPA and excellent EC's. But we applied to a balanced list of schools he loved and we didn't need a financial safety. If we had needed a full ride, the list of schools would have reflected that.</p>
<p>I think the OP has known for a long time that his EFC would be more than he'd be happy with. Without knowing his D's list of schools, we have no idea whether there's any financial safety in there. I hope so, for her sake, but a gap year isn't the end of the world.</p>
<p>Folks...unless I'm missing something, the OPs daughter has already been accepted at the flagship U. Perhaps he can clarify but I thought this was with merit aid and honors college. If it's not already, if it's the flagship I THINK it is...she has a good chance at that and the scholarships that go with them. BUT the OP is now saying he won't pay for the flagship because DD hasn't done her share of work for other scholarships. Given this student's hard work and dedication (ok...not as perfect as her dad seems to want it to be)...her grades and 34 ACT are fabulous, there is no reason why she won't be attending college next year. OH...and if the EFC calculators are saying that the family contribution can be higher, perhaps the family can look at how they can help this daughter attend college. You know...many of us on this forum have "tightened our belts" to help finance college educations. Going "out" for us, means to a friend's house, not a restaurant or move. "New" clothes means a trip to Goodwill not Nordtrom. A "new car" is one with less that 100,000 miles on it...but more than 80,000 miles on it. We've lowered the thermostat (and put on fleece tops), cut back on our cable TV options, eat less costly food and ALL of the leftovers, etc. And yes...we have tapped into savings and investments to help fund college for our kids. </p>
<p>But most of all...I think this OP needs to be supportive and not critical.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone that your D's scores are great.
From the beginning you have been aware that her list had schools that were not going to be financially safe but went with it anyway.
Your D works hard. She probably feels like you think she doesn't work hard enough. I think she might be getting mixed messages about what you are willing to pay. She might think that if she gets into any of her dream schools you will find the money to pay. And from some of your posts it sounds like at times you are willing to pay if you had to.
I don't get not paying for the instate school.
I might sit her down one more time and not tell her she needs to do the scholarship apps but with a clear message what you can pay and that if she wants to go to some of these schools merit aid is essential. Then it is said and the choice is hers to make.</p>
<p>DadII, I understand your frustration completely. Luckily for me, my DD is very cooperative. She filled out all the scholarship applications that I handed to her. She knew that I spent a lot of my time researching these scholarships for her, she did not waste my effort. I don't have a smart and stubborn daughter but she does not have 4.0 uw gpa either ;). You have to deal with what you have, good luck.</p>
<p>Dad II, are you willing to put any money into educating your daughter just because she's your daughter, without any consideration of where she goes or whether she meets your standards for performance and/or effort? What if she were a B student with 1700 SATs, average recs, and no awards at all? Wouldn't she still deserve to be educated? Wouldn't you still want to give her the very best education you could reasonably afford?</p>
<p>I don't understand how you can still be so unsure about what you can afford - and why that number should vary so much depending upon the name of the school in question. Can't you look at the numbers and tell your daughter the amount you can put toward her education each year? Every parent has to do that sooner or later. If it's less than the COA at her chosen schools, it can be up to her to decide how hard she wants to chase outside scholarships.
[quote]
I have pretty much told her that she will not go to college this year. unless, of course, she got some merit aids.
[/quote]
But don't I remember that there are several need-only schools on her list?</p>
<p>It's a control issue. Dad II doesn't think the state school is worth his money, therefore he is not going to pay his share. I would bet if his daughter were to get into HYPS, he would be more than happy to pay for his share. He wants his daughter to do what/when he wants her to do it. </p>
<p>Dad II's daughter seem like a great kid - a smart kid with a mind of her own, and is not afraid to stand up to her dad when he is being unreasonable.</p>
<p>I've stayed away but I just stand this insanity anymore. Sheesh.
</p>
<p>You just posted this. What gives? You've got $112K in the savings account that you were willing to pay on the 23rd of January. Things don't change that fast. </p>
<p>Your D has been accepted with a merit scholarship to the Honors College/Program at Ohio State. She has earned a scholarship. You are a resident of Ohio. What in God's name is this browbeating all about? $28K + a scholarship + an unsub stafford will certainly pay for any program at Ohio State . Jiminy. She can even get the better room and 3 meals a day (if you feel she deserves it , that is).</p>
<p>And BTW, get off her back on the test scores. Only 169 kids in Ohio beat her (using last years numbers, 17 36's and 152 35's out of 86,080 Ohio seniors taking the ACT). OUTSTANDING! Give her hug and a kiss from me. I'm proud of her accomplishments and I don't even know her.</p>
<p>She could take that test a hundred times and never score higher. She can study all you want her to , at the 34 level there ain't just a whole lot of room left. BTW, I believe that 34 is the 75th percentile or higher than the 75th percentile at EVERY college and university IN THE NATION reported by collegeboard except one (but I'd need to verify that).</p>
<p>I wrote a post in response to this topic, but I found it too mean and did not post it. Now I have read the post above and am too forced to say my piece. </p>
<p>Only let me preface it with my hope that Dad II is a troll. But my heart says otherwise.</p>
<p>Pardon my callous post, but my emotions were reeling.</p>
<hr>
<p>I'm going to be completely honest: I felt ill reading this topic.</p>
<p>Why on earth are you being so cruel to your own daughter? She has a 34 ACT score and that's, evidentially, bad? Bad enough that you'd deny her a college education, and certainly enough that you seem to base her worth on it, at least how I'm reading you. </p>
<p>No, that cannot be allowed to pass. Not only is her score above phenomenal, it's completely irrelevant. How on earth does how a test, which is relatively low stakes in fact, determine the value of a person? </p>
<p>I'm honestly incapable of writing. I'm trying but I can't begin to make sense out of this.</p>
<p>Frankly though, I'm tired. Every day in school I see sweet, intelligent, caring girls- beautiful in mind and soul - who are in tears by the end of the day because of a poor test grade and parental wrath.</p>
<p>Why? This is what I cannot understand. I see blessings- no far better, but I have no religious imagery strong enough to convey it- people of infinite kindness, personality, and good nature, whose company is worth more than diamonds, and whose deeds are worth more than gold, who are treated as trash because they are plagued with common human imperfections. They have a "bad" SAT score, or they did not ace a midterm. </p>
<p>And I cannot comprehend it. I am honestly completely lost. </p>
<p>Father's have forgiven sons who have murdered, mothers have forgiven daughters who have stolen everything from their home to buy drugs. </p>
<p>A rather famous father brought his son back into his home after said son lost everything as a waste. History is filled with forgiven vice.</p>
<p>Why then, why on earth, why in heaven or in Hell, why at all should a score that is neigh perfect on a test make anyone be considered unworthy of love?</p>
<p>Tell me, tell me why the most beautiful souls must be crushed by unattainable ideals, why sweet girls in the prime of their life kill themselves under pressure, why young college students who have made small academic missteps must take their lives in atonement to their parents?</p>
<p>Re-reading your title, I think you should feel bad. Really bad. But not for your daughter, but yourself.</p>
<p>I have no qualm with the person who cannot or even does not want to spend money on a college education. But to provide it only if one meets arbitrary standards, requisite for love, is terrifying. </p>
<p>Your comments about the state university suggest that it is not money that motivates you. What then is it? Drive for prestige? Control? You don't need to tell me that, but you should at least ask yourself. </p>
<p>Indeed, I come from a competitive environment and can assure you that struggles like yours are rarely successful, and rarely ever forgiven.</p>
<p>I don't know you, your daughter, or your life. I don't think I ever will. You may be sane, and good, and reasonable. But what I've read in your comments reminds me too much of those I've seen around me, tormented by a non-existent perfection, and I cannot let it stand.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Re-reading, I know this post was a bit too mean. I know you aren't trying to hurt someone(that was what the last part meant, anyway) but it seems from your post(s) that you very well might be. </p>
<p>I don't want to judge you, just express my opinion on a much larger problem, and use it to show you the circumstances you might, with or without intent, be creating.</p>
<p>It just seems really iffy, but sorry if I've offended you.</p>
<p>oldfort, I don't think that is a fair summary, based on reading many of Dad II's threads over the last few months. As I remember it, the state school is only on the list because Dad II insisted that it be added. Daughter pushed to keep the list short and exclusive, and rejected some top universities at which she might have had a reasonable shot at big merit money--because her friends had not approved of them!</p>
<p>Not to say some mistakes have not been made, primarily the implied--if not explicit--promise that Dad and Mom would cough up whatever was necessary in the case of acceptance to a top school. Before being sure of the finances!</p>
<p>I think both Dad II and his daughter are very stubborn, and that is the source of the problems now arising. </p>
<p>At least, that is how I remember some of the back story.</p>
<p>Edit to add: I agree about the test scores. They are fine, they are fine, they are better than fine. Drop that subject.</p>
<p>amen, serithin</p>
<p>Your D got into the honor's program at Ohio State, and got a merit scholarship, and you are instate! Congratulations to you and your D!</p>
<p>I thought a lot of the angst that I perceived through your posts were because you really did not know how you were going to be able to pay your EFC. I guess I was wrong.</p>
<p>midmo- reading Dad II's posts (threads he has started), he has waffled on what he wants for his daughter. He may have written some posts on this thread out of anger, but he did say he is not willing to pay EFC for the state school. I am quite good at reading between the lines of Dad II's posts because of similar background as Dad II. I grew up with threats and manipulations, all for the "we know what's best for you and we do it for your own good." 20+ years later, it is still unforgettable.</p>
<p>OSU is a really terrific school. Graduates go on to the very top ranked grad, law, and med schools.</p>
<p>Back off your daughter. You're only going to make things worse. Why on earth would you want to sacrifice your relationship with her over the name of her school, especially when that school is really very, very good?</p>
<p>Dad II's posts are always kind of off key, imo. His daughter scores a 34 and he can't spell "really" ?</p>
<p>It's a matter of cultural background. The daughter is growing up in America, but the dad didn't.</p>
<p>ta, I gave him as much room as I could for that very reason but this last bit is sooooo over the top. Flipping burgers? Say what? That's "bug-eating nuts" talk is what that is. Who says that kind of thing to their kid? To this kid, with her record of accomplishments? She'll be flipping burgers instead of going to college while he luxuriates with his $112K in savings, ready to pay but won't? How can that be anyone's cultural imperative?</p>
<p>
[quote]
On our drive home, I told my DW, we should be really proud of our kids. We may not think Honor at a well known State U is a big thing. To probably a high percentage of american families, it may be really huge. It is all about expectations. At the end of the day, a solid education from a good state U is more than just enough for a good living in US.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Dad II: I have never posted on any of your threads before, although I have followed your story with interest. Just a week ago, you posted the above, and I applauded you. Now, a week later, you are indicating you will not pay for your daughter to attend your State U because she has not met your expectations. </p>
<p>Others have repeatedly urged you to help your daughter develop a college list that includes strong merit aid possibilities, and to celebrate her wonderful achievements. You are a bottomless pit for advice you don’t heed. Internet strangers are clearly not able to help you. Perhaps you might consider seeking a modest amount of professional counseling. I mean this sincerely, not as a condemnation.</p>
<p>Aww dad, and I just gave you kudos....you were doing so well....if I remember correctly, doesnt she have near perfect SAT II's as well? And didn't she do great on something right after rehearsing for something and you were expecting the worse? I remember after one of your posts saying something like your D reminds me of mine; priorities other than what I'd like but a pretty good kid with good values and great by everbody elses appraisal...then I read about your D. Her "stat's" blow my kids out of the water, and to hear you say it, without trying. </p>
<p>Ah, well, one day at a time...</p>
<p>English is not his first language, I think.</p>