<p>The person waiting for the college acceptances is the DAUGHTER...not the dad. Yes, I realize parents also agonize over these things, but when the day is over, it is the daughter who applied, the daughter who is waiting and the daughter who will go to college. The best thing a supportive parent can do is be supportive and kind and understanding during this waiting game.</p>
<p>How can you tell your kid that she is not going to college unless she gets a full ride merit scholarship???</p>
<p>I've exchanged a PM or two with Dad II. I don't believe for a moment that he is what we call a "troll" here, and BTW, that is a term he probably will not understand.</p>
<p>I doubt that he "has left this thread". He might have been busy today; after all, he is the parent of a couple of teenagers. If he does reappear, I encourage him to explain what he is trying to say carefully, because I believe he is often misinterpreted. </p>
<p>Dad II, someone further up the thread commented that by this point, many seniors are just fed up with "proving" themselves to judgmental strangers. "Take me as I am or leave me be". I could not agree more. That was my son's attitude in a nutshell, and he got to that point well before February.</p>
<p>Dad II,</p>
<p>You might want to consider the bigger picture. I am a first generation American. My parents are European immigrants, not Asian, but they are as critical of me as you are of your children. I have never allowed my parents to spend a minute alone with my now eighteen year old son, because I do not want their attitudes affecting my son's opinion of himself. I do not enjoy my parents' company, so we live thousands of miles apart, I see them once each year for a couple of days, and I make an obligatory phone call for five minutes every Sunday. If you want your daughter to allow you to be a part of her adult life, you need to become the kind of person she respects and wants to have in her life.</p>
<p>Congrats NotReady, you win the prize.</p>
<p>A bit more understaning here - One of the schools on the DD's list - being Harvard - ok - now if one compares that to an in-hand State U acceptance w/Honors College - the scale tips just a bit. From the top of the heap (H) - all the way down the scale to a state U - wonder what is in the middle of this group?!?</p>
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<blockquote> <p>How can you tell your kid that she is not going to college unless she gets a full ride merit scholarship???>></p> </blockquote>
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<p>Especially when some of the schools do not GIVE merit scholarships. I believe Harvard is on this girl's list, and if I'm not mistaken so is Tufts (from other threads). Neither school gives a nickel of merit aid.</p>
<p>I'm wondering about this myself, Dad II, wherever you are. Have you removed the non-merit schools from the list?</p>
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How can you tell your kid that she is not going to college unless she gets a full ride merit scholarship???
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<p>I think this is an empty threat to get his daughter to fill out her scholarship application. Too many of these types of threats and she will call his bluff. No wonder she does not listen to him.</p>
<p>First of all, I did not say 34 is not a wonderful score. What I said was within the content of highly competitive scholarship. As someone posted, there are over 150 students who score 35 or 36 alone in the state. Since there are only 80 mertit scholarships available. Someone with a 34 will have little if any chance for one of those 80. That goes with all other scholarships she applied anywhere. There is little, if any, chance at all. </p>
<p>How do I know if DD studied she could get a better score? In her first ACT, she had a low score for one subject. After about a couple hours worth of reading examples, she did 2 points better in that subject. Had she studied for months, like when I was studying for college entrance exam, I am pretty sure she could get at least a 35, give her a fighting chance at state U scholarship. </p>
<p>It is much easier for you all to say this or that. Because you don't have to pay her EFC. Yes, we have enough to pay our EFC if we want to. We save those money by adding up pennies. Let me give you all an example. After working 5 days with at least 10 hours a day in my regular job, I worked as a host/cashier in a local Chinese restautant. Many of those who worked for me at the regular job will came to eat and were surprised at first. They all said, I can't believe you will be doing this. This is how hard I worked to put food on the table for my family.</p>
<p>The state U is a decent but tier 2 university. They also reduced their award amount toward NMF. It was $4500 + full tuition last year and we banked on that one. I don't know how many will gladly pay $20,000 to attend a tier 2 state U. As such, we probably will pay less if DD got into Harvard than the State U. Because, as many of you know, Harvard has a new policy and will only asks for 10% of from 180K - 120K income families.</p>
<p>In any case, I have vented and I felt better now. We will deal with whatever happens next.</p>
<p>I'm willing to concede he is not a troll, but either he is fully aware of the total inconsistency of his positions, and he is playing with the sympathy capacities of this board, or he is not, and he needs serious help.</p>
<p>I really, truly believe that every answering post which comes laden with even an iota of fellow feeling and sympathy is just a another weight of justification loaded onto this poor young woman's back.</p>
<p>It's just really, really sad, and nothing said here is going to change anything.</p>
<p>Thus the scholarship push for this girl THUMPER - there is a big gap between 28K EFC and the ~50K to attend H.</p>
<p>Push your DD harder!!! She will eventually listen to you ... maybe you can get some help from her teachers.</p>
<p>I do not post nor watch this forum, but my wife does every day, and I am writing now with her account. I fully understand Dad II because I am a chinese and am a first generation immigrant. </p>
<p>We have a very bright son who has highest test scores and many achivements, community services. Everything looks great on paper and seems every school should open door for him. In a fact, he has been Standford EA and now we are waiting on Harvard, Princeton...blah blah...sorry if I am too "proud"...</p>
<p>We have very similar situation as Dad II. Our problem is not which shool , but good package of financial aid. Our income has been just enough and put a little into retirement account. Without merit it means we will have to tight our spending in next few years and may take some money out from our savings. </p>
<p>It was very difficult to ask our son to work hard on scholarship applications, even harder to ask him to write better essays. He would come here to ask oppinions than listen to us. Thanks god that one parent here gave him same direction that I had given him which proved I am not a totally idiot.</p>
<p>Now we are just waiting for scholarships...actually it is just me because my wife and my son do not know about family finance. I am the banker, a poor banker.</p>
<p>Here we go again........</p>
<p>I would argue that Ohio State University is an excellent institution of higher education. Not only does it have excellent undergraduate programs, but it also has fine professional schools. I'm sorry you view this as second rate (I know you said "second tier" but the tone of your post indicates you feel this is also second rate). </p>
<p>Please try to be proud of your daughter. And remember too...all of those ACT scorers are NOT going to apply to OSU.</p>
<p>It is very clear that you are punishing her for her refusal to do as you say.</p>
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It will be a sad story if someone with 10 AP, and life time 4.0 GPA and a decent ACT and two 800 SAT II has to go flip burgers for a year before possibly going to a college. But, it is likely to happen to our DD. Simplely because she wants to do "community services" more than taking care of her merit based performance.
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BB, I have pretty much told her that she will not go to college this year. unless, of course, she got some merit aids. It is so unlikely that she will win any with only an ACT of 34. There are so many kids with 35 or 36 this year applying for state U........... </p>
<p>I will refuse to pay for state U is the same reason she refuse to prepare for her test. I want to do what I felt like doing. Why should I work extra hard to compensate her lack of effort?
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<p>DADII
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Because you don't have to pay her EFC. Yes, we have enough to pay our EFC if we want to
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<p>This made me chuckle - your EFC is alot lower than many - please don't feel that it is not a challance for all of us - consider yourself very lucky that you are able to afford to pay it - should you have to.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>Harvard, Princeton>></p> </blockquote>
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<p>mmm, you will be waiting a LONG time for the merit scholarships from these schools. They do NOT award any merit aid.</p>
<p>okay...my safe net is Duke, WashU, Chicago and Vanderbilt. If they do not give full merit, I will try to make up EFC myself and maybe like Dad II, work a second job.</p>
<p>Dad II, </p>
<p>Thank you for returning to this thread. I really understand your stress because I'm holding my breath about financial aid right now also. <em>However</em> it is our job to hold it together. You really do need to hold it together. </p>
<p>If your dd is spoiled, there is no reason you cannot require her to contribute to her college education-- with summer work, a parttime job, etc. But that doesn't mean that you should berate what she does. Those entrance exams are <em>hard.</em> I am sure your daughter is very, very bright-- but you need to reassure her that she does measure up. The money is separate. </p>
<p>By the way, I understand more than you know. A few weeks ago, I had a huge fight with my daughter (like I haven't in years), because she missed a scholarship deadline. Through an act of God, she was able to meet it but I felt very bad for the fight. They are teens. They don't understand the financial pressure the way we do. Isn't that why we work? So they <em>won't</em> understand the pressure the way we do? But that doesn't mean they can take the $ for granted either. You need to get a hold of your emotions, use respect (you respect her and she respects you), and come up with some parameters. You can afford to help her through the state U. Don't threaten that. It would be better to ask her to do 2 hours of research on the scholarship between now and then-- but let her choose when and let her live her life. </p>
<p>You are hurting her with your message that she doesn't measure up and you are hurting yourself-- because I believe all your hard work is motivated by love for your family-- oh, how it would hurt to have her distance herself from you because you are so controlling. You <em>need</em> to step back. You really, really should consider going to counseling for this-- because it's going to continue to come up with your daughter, your son and any other children you have.</p>