<p>There are plenty of traditional Asian fathers on this board (Think ParentOfIvyHopeful). I don't think this man is a troll at all and it's a pretty insulting accusation to make for anyone. </p>
<p>I don't believe he will really cut his daughter off for college after reading all of this, I think he's just venting his frustration, which is actually a healthy thing. I can't imagine raising a child in a culture so different from my own and I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he will not purposely hurt his daughter in spite.</p>
<p>It's hard to be waiting until March to find out what happened. But you cannot make time go any faster. So relax! </p>
<p>S went for an interview for a summer internship the other day. He'd gone through a phone interview that focused on his academic qualifications. Much of the face-to-face interview focused instead on other aspects of work: the ability to work in groups, to be organized, and so on. And in order to address these issues, S drew on his ECs, in particular one that we think is entirely frivolous and consumes far too much of his time. But it did showcase his ability to manage others and work with them.
The morale: Your D's community service may come in very handy! You don't know yet. Once again, relax.</p>
<p>It is against the rules to speculate on name-changes, I believe.</p>
<p>I'm wondering why it seems to matter so much to some of you. If a poster thinks he/she got off on the wrong foot and wants to start over, so what?</p>
<p>As for whether or not the poster is authentic, I'd rather be wrong than rude.</p>
<p>troll or not, if this father/daughter relationship continues this path one of two things may happen. 1) Daughter turns back on family completely 2) Daughter kills herself thinking she has let family down. Sorry to be harsh, but if I was the student. I would do everything I could to completely divest myself from my parents and never look back. Oh wait, that's what I did 30+ years ago....</p>
<p>And to add to the list of like students posting, I come from a family very similar to a first generation immigrant Chinese family (whew that's a mouthful). I was subjected to such high pressure that I'm surprised I didn't sink into depression along the way. I had a 4.0 in high school, anything belong an A-=F for me, I was an officer in everything I did, I had near full scores in my SAT's, and I represented my school in overseas competitions many times. Sounds like what you want out of your daughter DadII?</p>
<p>I was absolutely miserable in high school. I hated it. I had no life because I worked my butt off measuring up to my parents' standards. It was school, home, homework, repeat five days a week. On weekends I went to flute classes and SAT class. And that was my life for high school. I wondered why I was applying to college because how could it be any different?</p>
<p>My parents hysterically demanded I add another application to a well known school when I was not accepted ED. I never quite measured up to their standards, and they made sure I knew that everyday. </p>
<p>Fast forward to May, when I decide to choose UVA (note: state flagship U) over all the other schools I got in. I'm still the shame of my family for doing so -- my parents greeted me with transfer apps the first two years of college. I've had such a great time in college and really lived the life and became the person I wanted to be. It was during college when I realized that not all families are like mine, that some people actually had fun in high school. </p>
<p>My relationship with my parents have never quite been the nurturing, caring, loving relationship most folks enjoy. If you'd like me to elaborate on that, please pm me. Otherwise, please take heed and enjoy the last couple months with your daughter.</p>
<p>"It just hits me. When did I ask for any help here? I felt bad and vented why I felt bad."</p>
<p>If you don't want other people discussing your remarks when you vent, send your typed thoughts to a trash can rather than posting them on a discussion board.</p>
<p>melli in post #128 - Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm glad you're having a great time in college!!! What was your parents' background? In China, was their reality that anyone not accepted to college would live in horrible poverty? I think people who grew up in this country, even people who grew up poor in this country, might not understand how much difference it can make in some parts of the world to be accepted to college.</p>
<p>My vote here goes to we are all being too mean.</p>
<p>From my experience the dynamics in some Chinese families are completely different than Western families. And love is expressed and maintained in a completely different way.</p>
<p>My vote also goes to we are misinterpreting the relationship with DadII and his daughter. If he were really damaging her, she'd be home studying for the interviews instead of going to school and volunteering with her friends. She has spirit. He has spirit. To me he is just unfamiliar with the long term culture of this board and uses it to vent. </p>
<p>I've had this conversation in real life (IRL) with two Asian dads (China, Korea) and one from Iran, at my kid's high school, when their kids were involved in EC's that they didn't deem worthy. One guy was dutifully videotaping his D, who was the star of the play. When I complimented him, he shared with me he didn't understand her interest in this, that she was an A student hoping for admission to top Ivies and a career in Chemistry. My patter to him was similar to lines of discussion I've offered in this posting. </p>
<p>Two more encounters, IRL, with traditional Dads and academic star quality D's who were at school doing something they couldn't fathom. Same concerns, same syntax.</p>
<p>If you think someone's a troll wasting your time, there are other threads. If others have the patience to keep trying to offer help, so be it.</p>
<p>But how dare someone question another's authenticity? Doesn't seem right to me.</p>
<p>Leap of faith. Help or don't help. I'd rather be helpful foolishly than falsely accuse someone.</p>
<p>I know many Chinese families, and believe me, it ain't all high pressure like DADII....to use that as an excuse for so much pressure on a teen, anything less then perfect being a disappointment, etc.. is just not fair to the many balanced and healthy relationships I have seen with First and Second and Third generation families from China and other Asian countries</p>
<p>If you expect perfection, and only accept perfection, you will always be disapoointed.</p>
<p>We should not be supporting the idea that books and numbers are the be all end all of succes, or only that admission to Stanford is good enough, and anything else is failure, to say, ah well, its an Asian dad is ludicrous and unfair. I am impressed that the D in question is branching out!!! You go girl!!!!</p>
<p>We are a typical Chinese family. 10 years ago today, S & I were still in China.</p>
<p>Usually, S doesn't think we push him. he was motivated to do what he wants to do, S spent a lot of time tutoring middle school Mathcount to win state champion, even not in a mathcount season, and didn't prepare his own Math Olympia contest. Things like that made us worried. He made his choice, We had to back off.<br>
Writing a better scholarship essay was the only thing H pushed S to do.
H thought when there was a chance , S should work hard try to take it. In fact H is a easy going & positive person, he usually only points out the direction, not the detail.<br>
I really appreciate CC parents who help S, make us guidiance easier. </p>
<p>I think everyone has their good points in different view.</p>
<p>DadII, they say we shouldn't be mean... so I guess I better won't talk much about parent-child relationships or even about ACT vs ECs importance, or perceived necessity of doing "research" a week before an essay competition (athough I do wonder.. is it essay or research paper competition?). I can understand that you are frustrated and it seems to you that your DD just doesn't want to put a little additional effort to get a lot of money - it just does not seem fair to you, compared to the efforts you'll have to make to provide the comparable amount, right? There's a lot to discuss - whether you or your DD know better what's more important and how much pressure she can stand... but all that was said here already by the other posters.</p>
<p>But please think about one more thing. You, yourself, are hindering your DD's chances to get those scholarships when you are fighting with her, pressuring her and making strange claims that you won't pay for OSU (where you yourself made her apply). The fights you have with her will damage her ability to write a good essay more than the lack of preliminary "research" (whatever you mean by that). The pressure you put on her may result in her going into a scholarship interview being nervous and distraught instead of composed and shining... Is that what you really want?</p>
<p>Your DD sounds like a young lady who knows what she is doing; let her be. Don't push her into guilt, nervousness and distrust to herself. Don't disturb her balance. If she will be calm and relaxed herself, she will have much better chance to win those scholarships than a moody reluctant teenager with 36 ACT who spent 6 hours on preliminary essay research.</p>
<p>... and after all that, she'll get into Harvard, and all the scholarships will become a moot point ;) (maybe that's why she can't bring herself to care about them too much?)</p>
<p>"It will be a sad story if someone with 10 AP, and life time 4.0 GPA and a decent ACT and two 800 SAT II has to go flip burgers for a year before possibly going to a college. But, it is likely to happen to our DD. Simplely because she wants to do "community services" more than taking care of her merit based performance."</p>
<p>You know what's an even sadder story? A girl who performs that well, who is already best-in-class academically, being told by her father that it's just not good enough. Just like the little brother, for whom the B in AP History just isn't good enough either. </p>
<p>I don't know what kind of cultural messages you got back home in China that told you that the only colleges worth attending are HYPSM, but it's simply not true. The honors program at Ohio State is very good. You may find this hard to believe, but many people go to Ohio State and do just peachy-fine with their lives. There is a world beyond the top few elite schools. Your apparent jealousy of your brother and your niece who got into Stanford has got to go. Your daughter is a super-high achiever and you need to be proud of her, not tear her down and refuse to pay for OSU because it's not "good enough" in some warped minds.</p>
<p>I don't know much about colleges but when I look at the US news the top 100 colleges, I did not see Ohio State. So DadII has a point. Maybe DadII and daughter are looking for more than fine. Isn't that why most of us join CC?</p>
<p>I agree with the poster who pointed out that maybe DadII's daughter has a hunch that she is getting into other colleges and did not want to do this scholarship application for Ohio State because it would be a waste of her effort.</p>