<p>Sorry to break it to you, Columbia Student, but there are actually intelligent, motivated students who choose schools ranked lower than the top 100 & who do very well in life. MANY of us who join CC don't subscribe to the if-it's-not-top-100-it's-not-any-good point of view.</p>
<p>^Like I said I don't know much about colleges. Maybe I was not looking for it so I did not pay attention to it. I remember DadII refers to tier 2, so my apology.
I did not say there are not many fine students at OS, I know there are many fine students at even 2-year community college.</p>
<p>rough crowd.</p>
<p>Columbia_Student, just as many that do not subscribe to it, just as many do.</p>
<p>As I have posted before, I do not think Dad II's daughter believes her dad won't pay for an ivy education if she should get in. And I think she is pretty certain she will get in.</p>
<p>The thing is, she might get in to HYP--she'll certainly get into some top-notch schools, but I think--I could be wrong--that OP's income isn't low enough that the family qualifies for much need-based aid. Therefore some merit $$ would be nice--maybe essential--and <em>that</em> you don't get at Harvard.</p>
<p>cross-posted with oldfort</p>
<p>I don't know this student's full list, so I don't know how much financial safety is built in. You can't be certain you'll get in to any particular top school.</p>
<p>Half of the schools she applied will meet 100% of the need but I am not willing to pay the EFC. </p>
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<blockquote> </blockquote>
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<p>In that case, the failure is not your daughter's, but rather, your failure to be "willing" to pay your family's EFC.</p>
<p>You can't have it all: You repeatedly say you will only accept a "top" university for your daughter, but then you aren't "willing" to pay for the privilege. </p>
<p>I agree with the person who said to check out scholarship books at Barnes and Noble and start applying. But the person who needs to do that is your daughter IF she truly wants to attend the universities YOU have in mind for her.</p>
<p>I agree with you Carolyn.</p>
<p>It seems some of us were judged to be too judgmental by some of us. In my judgment they are wrong, but who am I to judge?</p>
<p>Carolyn, you hit the nail right on the head. I got that exact same impression starting from his first thread.</p>
<p>Well, carolyn, exactly. I thought there had been enough progress made here (in past threads) that OP knew he'd either have to pay a fairly high EFC or help his D make--and be excited about--a list of financially safer schools. Each approach is fine, but if you insist on only a few schools that don't give merit $$ but won't pay EFC, that leaves one's child in a difficult spot.</p>
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</p>
<p>Remember, he has Plan B.
Would you like fries with that?</p>
<p>And of course, the 100% of need is what the school thinks your need is, not what YOU think your need is. Still room for gapping there.</p>
<p>I don't think some of you are LISTENING to what DadII is saying. He is working TWO jobs to give his D opportunities he did not have. In fact, I sense embarrassment at having to work the second job. All he is asking is that D do her best and help. Maybe he expects a lot, but how many of you grew up in families like his? If you did not, you cannot judge him, and if you did, you should understand his frustration as well as his desires for his D's success. If you don't agree with his approach, then try constructive comments. He is not a bad person.....he is only trying to do his best, just like the rest of us.</p>
<p>I've been following these posts for quite awhile undrer two names. He says he's poor, but makes around $100,00 dollars a year. He says his D is a slacker, but she's not. He says he'd sell a kidney to send her to Harvard, but not a cent to send her to state U honors program. I'm always trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it's getting confusing. I'm still here trying to be supportive, but I wish I knew what I was supporting.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I don't think some of you are LISTENING to what DadII is saying. He is working TWO jobs to give his D opportunities he did not have.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I thought that we stopped redifining the term "is" when the Monica story died. Maybe you listened better than we did, but most of us have read more stories from DadII than we can remember, including many colorful ones. However, I doubt that he is holding two jobs today, and risking to increase his EFC!</p>
<p>I also think that the collective forces at this board HAVE listened and offered very reasonable suggestions. Unfortunately, DADII has remained oblivious to most --probably emboldened by the appause he garned for the smallest step in the right direction. </p>
<p>In the end, while his agony through the process seems genuine, most of it is self-induced. Inasmuch as the cultural background has been offered as a potential reason, it remains nonetheless wrong on all counts. A well-educated person such as DadII (with a PhD earned in the US) should be smart enough to separate the ridiculous and unacceptable behavior that has been sterotyped so often from a more reasonable attitude towards college admission. </p>
<p>We do feel for him. We tell him to relax and trust the system. If there is someone who is not listening, it is DADII. </p>
<p>Unfortunately for his own health and for the peace of mind of his daughter.</p>
<p>
[quote]
If you don't agree with his approach, then try constructive comments.
[/quote]
Are you trying to be facetious?</p>
<p>Yeah, I keep holding out hope, but often it seems a vain hope.</p>
<p>I'm not being judgemental of everyone. Just making a statement of the overall tone. Groups of people can become kind of rabid, all the while each individual is well-meaning.</p>
<p>I too agree, the reasoning around top schools, the reasoning around "willing" to pay is flawed. The father-daughter relationship is not what I advocate in my own family. However, we do need to give eachother all the benefit of the doubt. It's a tough time.</p>
<p>Just trying to keep the tone friendly.</p>
<p>Well, I believed his comment about two jobs, so if it's not true that obviously would affect my opinion. And no, I wasn't being facetious....I just thought there were too many critical comments (some even mean) that really weren't helpful. I thought he was frustrated by his D not helping with the scholarship apps when he was doing so much to earn the money to help. If I am incorrect in my assumptions, then I am sorry.</p>
<p>"I don't think some of you are LISTENING to what DadII is saying. He is working TWO jobs to give his D opportunities he did not have. In fact, I sense embarrassment at having to work the second job. All he is asking is that D do her best and help. Maybe he expects a lot, but how many of you grew up in families like his"</p>
<p>My husband works two jobs to pay for college and I work a very long week and I can tell you that I'd never say these things to either of my daughters.</p>
<p>Amen, zoosermom.</p>
<p>Well, maybe I'm about to break CC rules by questioning the veracity of Dad II but no Asian I know would ever "vent" or give voice to his "emotions" or "feel" realy, realy (sic) anything. This is a cultural group that is guarded and careful where personal emotions are concerned. Also, his syntax, while certainly ungrammatical, is simply not an Asian take on the English language. I also really wonder about the daughter, the scores, the community service, the everything. Sorry! Haven't believed in a word Dad II has written on here for months. I'm close friends with a number of Asian parents -- they are nothing like Dad II -- they are very conscious of the dangers of pushing kids too hard. Many of them have suffered that themselves under the harshness of the cultural revolution. They are torn with wanting to see their kids succeed but not wanting to encroach upon their kids' childhoods -- just like most of us here. The postings from Dad II do a huge disservice to this whole cultural group, imo.</p>