I feel hopeless

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Like many people on here, I have severe difficultly making friends. In middle school, I was earning straight A's, was known as the pretty and sweet one, and was in the "popular group". I was the last person you would think would become a loner and would be having thoughts of suicide. But when high school started, my whole life fell apart. My parents could no longer afford to send me to a fancy private school (where I had been since kindergarten), so I had to go to my local high school while all of my friends went elsewhere. My local high school happened to be one of the worst high schools in my whole state. Lock downs, gang fights, and threats to get shut down by the school district were normal occurrences at my high school. I immediately became the outcast, I was laughed at for my preppy clothes and for thinking I was too good to get involved with drugs and alcohol. Thus, I fell into a very deep depression, became suicidal, and went through high school with not a single friend. I blocked myself from the whole world. I never even went to a single high school party or my high school prom. </p>

<p>So of course, I looked at college as a chance to start over. I tried to dig deep down and find the sweet, fun-loving girl that I used to be, the girl I really am behind all of my pain. I am now a sophomore, I have been seeing a counselor for over six months, and am currently taking antidepressants and social anxiety pills. I absolutely love my college. I am in four clubs, have two on-campus jobs, and love my major. But one thing is still missing, I still have very little friends. I think if I could just find a few really close friends, everything would finally feel right again, since not having any friends is what triggered my depression in the first place. People from class and acquaintances tell me all the time that I seem like a nice girl, really happy and life-loving, and a great person to be around. Despite all of this, I still never found that group of friends I really clicked with. I act really happy in class and at club events, and then go back to my dorm alone, feeling sad that I don't have friends to talk about my day with. </p>

<p>So I thought I found a great solution: I decided to rush a sorority. I figured since I had made such long strides, I could handle rush and would find "the sisterhood of girls I would be friends with for life" as all sororities love to promise. I thought it would be a great way to come out of my shell again. I have spent literally over a month getting ready for rush. I made my make-up the best I could, put together the perfect outfits for each day, and even practiced smiling and having conversations in front of the mirror. Rush went pretty well, and honestly, I had a lot of fun talking and getting to know everyone. I even got the EXACT same comments from the girls in the houses as I stated above. "You seem so open, so outgoing, so friendly" they would say. Long story short, I have spent the entire day in my dorm room crying my eyes out. At my school, almost every single girl is guaranteed a bid from at least one of the houses. It is very rare to not receive a bid. I feel so embarrassed and humiliated. We have over a dozen houses on campus, and I was cut from every single one of them. </p>

<p>At this point I feel completely hopeless, defeated, and confused. All of the pain and sadness I have felt from my depression and have tried so hard to overcome has completely swept over me again. I really need some advice. I don't know if maybe my depression has impacted me more than I realized, or if I really have a personality so repulsive that I will never have friends in college, or throughout life. I really want to point the finger at my depression and just blame it for what happened and why I can't make any friends at college, but I really think I need to look in the mirror and take an honest look at myself. The thing is though, my self esteem is already extremely low. And honestly, I am reluctant to change. If I am so horrible, then why do strangers tell me all the time that I seem like a great person? Then again, why can I still not make friends? This is why I am so baffled. I just don't know how to make sense out of all of this.</p>

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<p>Simply put: you are worth so much more than a sorority’s decision. So much more!</p>

<p>I think you need to transform yourself from the inside out. If you’re stable and peaceful inside, it will naturally show on the outside. Others will (and do) pick up on this. Seek out psychological counseling on campus. From my own personal experience, I can assure you that it helps so much to be able to speak with an unbiased individual each week. </p>

<p>Meeting people is incredibly easy. Finding good friends is difficult. But you know what? In the end, you will wind up with people who love you for YOU. You have to try, nevertheless. Suggest getting coffee or lunch with the people you’ve met. Be open to new experiences with them. More often than not, others reciprocate in wanting to get to know you! And if they say no? It’s their loss. They’re not worth your time. </p>

<p>You have so much to offer to others. Let your enthusiasm to make friends shine from inside of you. Don’t focus on what you don’t have. Focus on what you bring to the table. Stop saying “I can’t,” and “I won’t,” and start saying “I can,” and “I will.”</p>

<p>You deserve to be happy, to be confident in yourself, and to be strong. The more you let others dictate what makes your life worthy, the less control you have on your own life. You have the ability to grow, change, and prosper. You can overcome your past. </p>

<p>I have faith in you, girlie! PM me if you’d like to talk more or if you have any questions for me. :)</p>

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<p>Have more faith in yourself. Your value isn’t based on whether some stuck-up girls denied you from their social club.</p>

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<p>Never give up on yourself! I agree with the advice of nerdasaurus, ask people to coffee after a class, set up a study group, ask people in your dorm to go to a movie or to eat in the dining hall together.</p>

<p>I am sorry that all the houses cut you but there is more to sororities then make up and outfits. Did you have recs for the houses, how were your grades (this is a biggie) if these things weren’t in place they may have wanted you but not been able to take you.
I know you are hurt but do not let this get you down. </p>

<p>Be proactive on making friends in the other clubs you have joined… They obviously have a common interrest with you.</p>

5

<p>Thank you so much for the replies everyone! I have already set up two dinners and a coffee meeting for this semester and I have a feeling everything is going to fall into place. I’ve decided I am worth so much more than a sorority’s decision, there are plenty of other ways to make friends. :)</p>

6

<p>I rushed last year, and I was cut from almost every house but one, which was my last choice and I did not fit in with the girls in it. I took the bid and decided I’d give it a shot, but I realized it really, really was not for me. I met my best friend in that house though (she wound up dropping with me a year later) so it’s not something I regret doing, but if you got cut from all the houses, odds are probably good you wouldn’t have fit in with those girls. I found out later I was most likely given a bid because of where I was from (out of state) and not because they thought I would be a good fit. </p>

<p>After being at this school for a year, and being in the Greek scene for a year, I know a lot about sororities in general at my school, as well as the specific types of girls in each sorority, and I know for a fact I am not like those girls…I am probably the last type of girl to join a sorority. Looking back, I don’t think I would have enjoyed any of the sororities I wanted to join a year and a half ago. So if you did not get bids, it’s easy to mark yourself as someone nobody wants, but in all honesty it probably just means you aren’t a good fit for a sorority at your school. The friends I have made outside Greek life (beyond my one friend who dropped with me) are a thousand times better than anyone I met while being Greek. Things have a way of working themselves out and a year from now you’ll probably be really grateful for not getting any bids because otherwise you wouldn’t have met the awesome people you’re sure to meet :)</p>

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<p>Don’t worry.</p>

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<p>I’ve always thought sororities were the stupid clubs made by the not so smart girls who are wannabes and sl*ts…</p>

<p>Cheer up! Find a genuine hobby. Maybe you’d be happy chilling with guys :slight_smile: I find that guys have MUCH less drama lol. Their “drama” is usually revolved around video games… which don’t amount to much :wink:
And I don’t mean having physical relations with them o.O just chillax, hang out adound town and stuff :)</p>

<p>You’re much better than the snobs in sororities. If you live while worrying on OTHER ppl’s opinions, you won’t be happy. If you live to your OWN expectations, you will be forever cheerful.</p>

<p>Hang out with family! Parents are normally understanding and nice :)</p>

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<p>That’s lovely! Have a great time! Things will fall into place; just go with the flow!</p>

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<p>Your life is a MILLION TIMES more than any sorority. Think of it this way, your parents, they would go through hell and back for you, you are their everything. There is nothing worse than losing a child. Nothing even close. Stay strong for them. I feel kind of the same way, I had friends in high school, went out from time to time but wasnt really a partier. In college I went to alot of parties first semester, but only 2 so far this semester. I know what you are saying though, because you and me are wired the same way, Im going through a tough time now through drama. But hey, go to parties, they are fun, you meet people, and if you are a girl, you dont even have to drink. Life is what you make of it, so just smile, meet people, and just be yourself, doesnt matter if its good enough for something else.</p>