I Feel Like a Loser--Help

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I don't know why I feel like a loser...people seem to smile at me as I walk by, but here goes.</p>

<p>~I am 19 and still don't have my driver's license, because I cannot pass the vision test, and all glasses seem to give me double vision. My parents refuse to teach me driving anyway, and my friends are all busy or indifferent to teaching me at college. I don't know how else to get a license, and it makes me feel inferior not to have one.</p>

<p>~I have never had an actual job, and I have no idea who to put down as a reference source. I do have some professors or family friends I could ask to serve as references, but unfortunately, no one knows me very well because I am somewhat shy and a relative recluse compared to these college students I'm with.</p>

<p>~No matter how good or bad my life, social life, academic life, medical status, or etc are, there are periods of time when I get EXTREMELY depressed...then moments later feel on top of the world. Not to a manic depressive degree, obviously, but I wish I didn't get so low at times. :(</p>

<p>~I have a health condition that caused me to withdraw from my second semester as a freshman, and now I am back to make up classes in the summer. I am still miserable, although I have no roommate now to bug me.</p>

<p>~I like socializing, but apparently only on my own time. But loners don't seem to do well in college. It is not that I am socially awkward, although sometimes I can be, but I just literally have nothing to say at times...and nothing that I would want to say, or that would fit the scenario. I guess I think too much and too deeply, and am not a fan of pointless fun, like drinking (never do, never intend to in the future, actually) or just "hanging out" for long periods of time, but with the right people the latter can be fun for a short period of time.</p>

<p>~I have never had a boyfriend. I have never even become close in a best friends kind of way to any members of the opposite sex, and few of my own!</p>

<p>~I am not sure what to do about my major. I love biology, but I also love editing music videos. I love films, but I hate the hierarchies and types of people who go for film majors. I am in a film club, but the lack of experience I have in comparison to everyone else in the club makes me feel like an outsider, as well as the lack of time due to schedule conflicts with research projects in biology labs. I am also a very psychology/philosophy/English-oriented individual, but those majors do not lead to any jobs I would be interested in having. If I do not make it into medical school (my dream career is in academic medicine, actually), I think I want to do research in neuroscience. But I'm just not sure anymore.</p>

<p>God, I hate my life. :( What do I do? Why am I so miserable in college, even when things are going well?</p>

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<p>take a trip to a strange country, forget about yourself, have fun, or volunteer to help. Do whatever way that makes you feel meaningful.
guarantee, you will feel less depressed :slight_smile:
my 2 cents</p>

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<p>obviously you know yourself better than anyone but here’s what i think:

  • i’m 19 too and i do not have a driver’s license either! neither does my best friend nor several people i have just randomly met this summer. you are not alone! it sucks if you want to be able to use driving as transportation but there is no shame in buses, biking or walking (all are better for the environment and cheaper if you need an excuse). however it may be an indication that where you want to be (location wise) in life is in a city or place where public transportation is common and easily accessible. (i go to school in nyc so not driving has never been a problem).</p>

<p>-i’ve never had a legit job either! i just got a job to be an RA though for the coming semester and I found for references I asked my advisor at school and a family friend I got to know through volunteering. i have only met my advisor a few times but she has my transcripts and when we met I was able to get across myself to her enough that she said yes to being a reference. i would also suggest volunteering (in order to both have another activity that you might enjoy and meet adults that could be references). i think more people are willing to be references than we think but again you are not alone and i feel that for many thing one applies for that requires a reference, the reference is not the biggest part, you are!</p>

<p>i’m sorry this is turning into a novel…</p>

<p>-about the major, i’m both a humanities major and a premed so i feel you when it comes to academic life conflicting within itself. i would suggest going for whatever you care about. and take it one semester at a time. unless you’re going to be a senior next year you don’t need to know if you want to go to med school or not (and even then you could take a year or two off and then apply). i’m thinking of applying to both med school and grad school and then deciding. but if you like your film classes then definitely go for it! right now you have the opportunity to explore what you want to do in school (at least within reason) so see what you really enjoy.</p>

<p>-a lot of people i know have never had a boyfriend! my two best friends have never been in relationships and i myself have only been in two. i think everyone wants to make it seem they’ve been with SO many people but seriously quality over quantity. and i think society or pop culture or whatever puts so much emphasis on “having a boyfriend” that people forget that the meaningful part of having a boyfriend isn’t having a boyfriend. it’s getting close to someone you actually want to get to know better.</p>

<p>-and socially, it’s always tough when you want to hang out with people but then find that the kind of person you want to hang out with isn’t in your options of people to hang out with. personally i’ve found that going to events or activities in areas of interest opens up more conversation based on the activity than just drinking. and then also, i find that people don’t realize how valuable being along can be. sometimes i really enjoy just eating a meal by myself. or going shopping by myself. and i end up feeling like “oh i suck because i don’t have 20 friends to do this with” but then i realize i prefer to be alone than try to make small talk about something i don’t care about.</p>

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<p><em>sigh</em> common theme here ne?</p>

<p>-no lisences</p>

<p>-no job</p>

<p>-history/anthropology major…</p>

<p>-loner</p>

<p>Just do whatever you feel comfertable doing.</p>

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<p>You are not alone, trust me. Don’t say you hate your life though – you’re just having a rough time. I’m basically in your position as well, minus the driver’s license part. :(</p>

<p>First the driver’s license bit: Have you thought about getting a new pair of glasses if you are having trouble seeing? Why is it that your parents refuse to teach you? Do they fear driving with you? See if you can try and convince them. If you have the money, try to see if you can get lessons from a driving school.</p>

<p>College has not been good to me either. I spent the last 2 years confused with my major and trying to find a group of people to socialize with. People tell me that I might have an anxiety disorder, but I refuse to let people diagnose me. Aside from film club, have you gotten involved in any other type of clubs or maybe intramural sports?</p>

<p>For you major, why not major in Biology and minor in film studies? Minors should be something you enjoy or want to add as an addition to your major. I think you should consider minoring in something that you like and major in Biology. :)</p>

<p>In terms of jobs, look for small jobs – maybe on-campus or nearby campus. Also, volunteering for a long period of time at a certain place or organization does give you the chance to get references. Look for volunteering opportunities like compaq10 stated!</p>

<p>Oh! And the boyfriend issue – trust me, you are not alone! There is no need to rush. Seriously. I’m 20 years old and never had a boyfriend either but I don’t let it get to me because honestly, I’m not in the right state of mind to be in a relationship. Also, if you don’t carry yourself with confidence, it kind of chases the guys away (or in some cases, attract the jerks)</p>

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<p>Just think of it this way: there are college students out there in conditions much worse than yours. I guess you just have to try to imagine the hell they have to go through and barrel through :)</p>

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<p>I know what Recharge said probably doesn’t make anything any better.</p>

<p>the simple answer is to find a job(s), join clubs and meet friends, and find something you like to do/passionate about. The hard part is taking the initiative and finding ways to keep yourself busy. I find it very helpful to do things I like that would squeeze the negative thoughts out of my head. Good Luck</p>

<p>P.S. Even though you’re taking classes, you can try to make time for fun stuff.</p>

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<p>Sounds surprisingly familiar…</p>

<p>Are you sure that you’re not really me from some parallel universe? </p>

<p>Although in this universe I do have a driver’s license and job experience…though no job as of now.</p>

<p>I’m friends with a pair of twins who just turned 19 and don’t have licenses :). Don’t sweat it :).
Just figure things out one step at a time.</p>

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<p>Trust me you’re no loser you are just having a rough time at the moment things will get better. I know how you feel I do have my license but its much more of a hassle than freedom you gotta worry about gas prices, you gotta worry about friends mooching off you for rides, and you gotta worry about the other people who can’t drive on the road. So don’t feel inferior there are more neg than positives.</p>

<p>I have never had a job as well and I’m still looking if you can’t find job do volunteer work around area. Do volunteer work that pertains to what you want to be in the future or what work that you enjoy doing. Volunteer work shows that you are willing to learn and it can open doors for job opportunities. The way the economy is its going to be tough finding a job so don’t stress.</p>

<p>Certain periods of times I’m not necessarily depressed but I tend to get quite not really wanting to talk to people, my suggestion listen to music it helps. Music lets you get away from everything and you can escape the madness of it all and it can lift up your spirits when you are feeling down.</p>

<p>Boyfriend part I never had one, I mean you look around and you see you friends with their significant other but I learned to realize I don’t need a guy as of right now. I’m a sophomore in college now and I’m focused. A lot of people I know don’t have boyfriends and if they do its like their second bf. And think of it in a positive way, for ex. my friends admire the fact I’m independent and when the right relationship comes it will come. A lot of girls admire that some of their friends are not pulled into that relationship drama. I’ve seen from my friends past relationships and current ones I rather stay clear and focus on school.</p>

<p>And you gotta remember this is college many people just may want to hook up and party some people don’t want that and want relationships but it is hard to find especially during freshman year. But you will find that person in time. My advice to you is be yourself, don’t let anyone try to alter you because in the end it’s you has to be happy.</p>

<p>I have confidence issues and still do but I am working on them one step at a time.</p>

<p>The whole socializing bit I don’t drink. But I make time party and relax friends, you don’t have to drink to have a good time and I think its hilarious to watch drunk people doing something stupid. Hanging out with the friends is a good time de-stress think about it that way and if you find the right group of friends you could have a long insightful conversation or long debates about something. What a couple of my friends tend to do on Friday nights if there is nothing to do is play video games order out, karaoke and sometimes have a mini dance party in the hallway. I have people I know on a name to name basis and I have small group of friends that I can count on. And that’s all you really need a small group of friends and not a huge entourage b/c that’s when it gets out of hand.</p>

<p>Major-- I am a biology/pre-med major minoring in psychology if biology is what you love than major in that and minor in film or English. I always have a fear I won’t make it into medical school, but that’s if your not trying if you are working getting all your work done than nothing should stop from getting where you want to be. It’s all about working and working and a little sacrifice but the end result is amazing. Department wise there are so many medical departments so just research some more, you still have time to think of what you want to do…just keep focus and think about the positives you made it this far and got to college just take it one step at a time.</p>

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<p>I have an inability to carry on a decent conversation with others. I generally have to put a deal of effort into not offending people. I have no (nor have I ever had) any close friends, just acquaintances. I have no close relationships with any of my family, immediate or extended. I also commuted to my college. In general, I don’t like others. I’m short, hairy, and creepy. I’m one of those nerdy but not super smart kids, so I’m rather awkward.</p>

<p>I’m probably more of a loser than you. Though I’ve had a job, could probably get another one if I wanted to, have a license, and I’ve picked out a major which will lead to a good job. </p>

<p>Don’t worry about the license, it’s not important. Get a job if you want, or don’t. I do understand the desire to do things that are “normal” that most people do, but they won’t make you feel any better, I promise. That might just make you feel worse, but things will probably get better for you at some point in your life. At least hopefully. </p>

<p>Oh, and I’ll leave you this… You’re not the only one: [USATODAY.com</a> - Study: 25% of Americans have no one to confide in](<a href=“http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-06-22-friendship_x.htm]USATODAY.com”>http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-06-22-friendship_x.htm)</p>

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<p>Ouuuuuuch. Way to put yourself down :(</p>

<p>Usually when I attempt to carry a conversation, I start to eat my words and it gets all jumbled … and then comes a 5-second period of awkward silence. Then I feel like crap and stop talking :(</p>

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<p>Well, I don’t actually care that I’m short, hairy, and creepy. It doesn’t bother me.</p>

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<p>Same here man… Although instead of creepy, people just tell me that I look intimidating…</p>

<p>Two sides of the same coin I suppose, eh?</p>

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<p>I’d trade creepy for intimidating. Though how can you be short and intimidating?</p>

<p>I also just recently found out that I’m fat too (by .1 BMI, so say just a little fat).</p>

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<p>Muscular Build. My shoulders are pretty broad, compared to the rest of my body. And I’m like 5’6" - 5’7", which in comparison to those around me, is considered short.</p>

<p>BMI isn’t that great of a physical indicator IMO. It doesn’t take into account a multitude of factors that are related to having a health body. (I’m also over the “Normal” by something like .2)</p>

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<p>OP: I’m sorry that you are feeling like a loser. Have you had any sort of therapy or medication? If yes, what are your thoughts about that?</p>

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<p>Why not drink? It’s an excellent social lubricant.</p>

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<p>^Well… Me drunk would be pretty abrasive. </p>

<p>I don’t drink though.</p>

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<p>Meh, I pretty much in the same boat as the OP. Never had a job, don’t have any friends from college, depressed (for other reasons). People just seem to not like me. I realized this and decided that these feelings must become mutual. Despite all this, I feel like I have to pull through for my family. Living well will be the best revenge in the end for me.</p>

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<p>It may be cliched, but I’ve found when you start feeling good and accepting about yourself, it’s easier to make friends. That may seem like a tall order when everything in your life seems to be going wrong. But no matter what you’re going through, no matter what mistakes you’ve made, I guarantee someone else has gone through an even crappier time and come out okay. And so can you. :)</p>

<p>About the drivers license thing–don’t worry about it. Keep trying to find glasses that won’t give you double vision. I had to take the test twice to pass it (and that was WITHOUT vision problems). I’ve known people who had to take it many more times than that. </p>

<p>Are you in a city? If so, check MeetUp.org and see if there are any groups around based on interests/hobbies. These are great ways to meet new people, and usually there isn’t a sense of obligation. You can also check out college clubs.</p>

<p>If you’re clinically depressed, go to a doctor. It’s not your fault you’re depressed, it happens to a lot of people. But at the same time, try not to feed your depression or wallow in it. </p>

<p>About socializing–it sounds like being out with people for too long wears you down. I feel that way sometimes (even with people I like.) Try inviting a couple people to an event with a specific end, like to a movie. Or have something specific you have to do later, like “Oops, it’s 5 o’clock, I have a meeting with my advisor, see ya!”</p>

<p>Best of luck! You don’t sound like a loser to me, just someone overwhelmed and stressed out.</p>