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<p>Statisitcally, if nearly all people who are violent use slurs, and you hear a slur, you wouldn’t feel unsafe? I do think that’s a matter of privilege. Not all people who smoke get lung cancer, but the vast majority of people with lung cancer were smokers (this might not be entirely true, but it’s just an example). Wouldn’t you, then, see reason to be cautious of smoking?</p>
<p>Actually, I’m not certain on the statistics, but I think more people actually get cancer from secondhand smoke than firsthand smoke, unfortunately. So those of us who chose to respect our health end up getting sick because others didn’t respect it also.</p>
<p>“The 2004 Surgeon General’s report newly identifies other cancers caused by smoking, including cancers of the stomach, cervix, kidney, and pancreas and acute myeloid leukemia.” <–yuck. Even more reason not to smoke.</p>
<p>Back to the topic though, someone said something about “this is 2010 and youre posting this???”</p>
<p>Yes, unfortunately, prejudice and discrimination has only gotten more discreet over the years; it has not disappeared as it seems to have on the surface.</p>
<p>p.s. I looked it up…my bad, I was wrong about the secondhand smoke causing more cancer than firsthand smoke, at least regarding the death rate which I would think somewhat reflects the rate of people who have it: <a href=“http://www.epa.gov/radon/healthrisks.html[/url]”>http://www.epa.gov/radon/healthrisks.html</a></p>
<p>Baelor, I think people get what you are saying. Not all people who throw around slurs or offensive language are going to get physical. </p>
<p>Everyone here is being practical. Statistically, if you move someone away from a roommate who uses slurs, there is a 0% chance of them being physically harassed by that person in their own dorm room, and less of a chance of them being confronted by that person in general. Those are the statistics that everyone else has in mind.</p>
<p>Your point is theoretical. You claim it isn’t always a physical safety issue. </p>
<p>I think nobody would take issue with what you are saying if you agreed that the practical is more important than the theoretical in this case. For example, not all people who make physical threats actually act on them. But colleges should, and I think I can safely assume do, take them seriously when they happen between roommates. Theoretically, verbal threats are not necessarily a physical safety issue, but they are treated as such. I think there is no harm, and plenty of benefit, in treating slurs the same way.</p>
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<p>How lovely that it’s apparently still fairly common for people to talk that way. I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised.</p>
<p>I only recently started hearing “Jew” as a slur (again, I suppose). My 13 year old cousin usedit and I just about slapped her (she might have preferred being slapped after I finished chastizing her). She also regularly usses the word f*g, gay, and ■■■■■■■■ (all in a negative sense). She knows that when she is with me she absolutely may NOT use any of those words in any context.</p>
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<p>Statistically, there is a 0% chance of being harassed by your roommate if you don’t have one. What’s your point? I also have 0% chance of being harassed by a blond excitable roommate if I move out, but that doesn’t mean my claims that she was likely to harass me based on hair color and bubbly personality have any reasonable grounds. I agree with you, but that leads to many, many logistical problems. My attempt here is to establish a reasonable criterion for determining what is a safety issue, given that that door was opened.</p>
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<p>They are a physical safety issue because the threat inherently deals with physical safety.</p>
<p>I understand that slurs can feel threatening. That doesn’t mean that they’re intended that way. One could make a similar claim about verbal threats but their subject matter unambiguously deals with physical safety whereas slurs do not. I would still need some data that suggests it should be considered as such.</p>
<p>Good. And as much as parents may not want to admit it (as it means they admit to being prejudiced or discriminatory), our attitudes in part come from our parents at that age. But like I said, it had not disappeared, it has only become more discreet, which makes it dangerously hard to distinguish and somehow makes it more socially acceptable because it’s not blaringly obvious, which is the sad state of our society.</p>
<p>And again, the issue is that the OP was uncomfortable about her son being with a gay roommate…so unless her son is going to be using derrogative terms and connotations around his roommate, all should be ok. It’s a stereotype to assume just because a guy is gay, he’s going to want to come on to every male in sight. They’re just as respectful of others’ values as those of us who are straight, and sometimes even more so, in my experience.</p>
<p>And for the record…it is possible for a guy and girl to stay in a room together without anything happening between them. Can we not stereotype age groups either? Just because we HAVE hormones doesn’t mean we don’t know how to control them…</p>
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<p>Your comparison is pretty ridiculous. By virtue of using a racist or homophobic slur against their roommate, the problem roommate already IS harassing the person in question. This goes far beyond a clash of personalities. It is someone being irrationally intolerant of and aggressive towards an immutable trait in someone else. That’s not the same as disliking or somehow being fearful of your ditzy roommate. </p>
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<p>Perhaps things like your blond roommate issue would lead to many, many logistical problems. When roommates simply have clashing personalities, I agree that that should not be grounds for a switch. But to leave a student with a bigoted roommate simply because it would be too much work seems reckless to me. At the very least, the student will have to put up with verbal abuse or the pressure to not live openly and honestly, as other students have the privelege to do. At the worst, the student may end up hurt. I think these are both safety issues. </p>
<p>I know we were discussing physical safety before, but you didn’t mention it in this paragraph, and frankly I don’t think it should need to go as far as physical safety for a roommate switch to occur. </p>
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<p>You come off as very arrogant. First off, I think ALL slurs are meant to come off as threatening, as a slur is meant to denigrate the target beneath the person using it.</p>
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<p>I agree. The comparison was incomplete (or at least some parts were implied). Let me state it succinctly:</p>
<p>Just as my claim that my, say, blond roommate is likely to harass me on account of hair color not necessarily well-founded, so too is the claim that I am in a state of physical danger due to the use of slurs not necessarily well-founded – provided, of course, that there is no data suggesting a connection.</p>
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<p>The first one is obvious. I am concerned with the second one. </p>
<p>In other words, justify the concern for physical safety with data.</p>
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<p>I’ve always been talking about physical safety, and really only that – this has been consistent throughout my posts (with my clarification at the beginning of this one in mind).</p>
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<p>Thank you for letting me know how I “come off.” I’m also past the point of caring on this forum, but thanks anyway.</p>
<p>It is trivial to imagine an example a slur not being used threateningly – one not aware of their meaning, one who is thoughtless, in comedy, music, etc.</p>
<p>Finally, I’m still absolutely amazed that it has been this long and people have argued with me without actually saying anything.</p>
<p>If it is so obvious that physical safety is in question, and it leads to such heated reactions, it should take a matter of seconds to pull of the data that links it.</p>
<p>Why has no one done so?</p>
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That’s a little extreme isn’t it? You can’t mind-read everyone who uses something YOU consider a slur, or reinterpret their intended meaning for them.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why there’s an argument going on about whether being called a derogatory name leads to physical violence. Quite frankly, if someone called me a “f*g,” I wouldn’t care at all about the statistics behind how many people who use terms like that are violent. Personally, I’d just be out of there as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>If a gay/black/Asian/white/female/religious/atheist/whatever roommate feels threatened, screw what the statistics say or what random posters on a forum say. They have a right to speak up for themselves and feel safe.</p>
<p>I’d consider the impact of a slur to depend on the usage. Obviously, if a roommate asks “what does ‘■■■’ mean?” it would be a lot different from the roommate calling me that. It was the latter case I (and everybody) was talking about. I understand you like to be very precise about everything - I’m a math major after all. But at some point you’ve got to use common sense.</p>
<p>I’m sorry I can’t provide you with data - should I start an experiment? I’ll call up 50 universities, and ask them to provide me with the number of students who report being called a slur by their roommate, and ask them not to make the switch. Then I’ll call them back to see how many have been beaten or attacked. OR we could use common sense, and say that someone maliciously using an inappropriate term against someone is much more an indicator of potential violence than somebody’s hair color.</p>
<p>I fail to see why you require data and studies on this subject, whereas you probably make so many intuitive leaps in your life similar to this one without even flinching. When it comes to a student’s safety, don’t you think a slight “logistical nuisance” is worth it when a student is being verbally harassed with racial/sexual slurs by their roommate? </p>
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<p>I agree 100%.</p>
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<p>Yes. I absolutely do.</p>
<p>That doesn’t mean that it’s a safety issue. That means I would make that call regardless of the data.</p>
<p>Again, there is a distinction between what I feel is the case and what is the case. The claim was that it was a safety issue, period. That is really a statistical claim and shouldn’t be presented with such strength unless it is appropriately supported. Slurs, discrimination, -isms, and physical safety (not to mention hatred) are all incredibly important issues. They need to be treated appropriately.</p>
<p>On a side note, did anyone know that a “■■■■■■” is a bundle of sticks used for burning? I learned that in an Alliance (a discussion and awareness group for GLBTQ and straight persons) meeting a couple years ago.</p>
<p>I agree with Atomic though. If I were living with a roommate who, say, called me a Nazi because of my German heritage, blond hair, and fair complexion, I would be offended…it wouldn’t necessarily be that I would feel my safety was threatened from the comment, but I would be uncomfortable with living with that person. On the other hand, if they called me a Nazi and inferred that Nazis didn’t deserve to live, or were lesser than others, I think it would be similar to the f*g issue, that the roommate has an attitude that you’re inferior because of something you have no control over (and please, let’s NOT get into an argument over whether it’s a “lifestyle choice” or genetics…) it would be a very big issue, especially since all people deserve to be treated with respect, particularly if you don’t even know the person; judgement, prejudice, and discrimination hurt.</p>
<p>It’s too bad we all can’t live by what I (and hopefully my kids) try to live by -"Treat others the way you would want them to treat you. " I think this board has gone way off topic and it bothers me to read some of these posts.</p>
<p>One, all boards end up off topic; expecting them to stay on topic after 100 posts is like expecting a message in the game of telephone with ten or more people to come out the same in the end as it started.</p>
<p>Two, the issue of discrimination being a problem in the OP’s situation, as I believe I have already said, is only going to be an issue if her son is going to be discriminatory toward his roommate; it’s likely, though, that if he hasn’t said anything, he knows and doesn’t care…cause let’s face it, most college students are going to facebook search their roommate once they get their assignment. He may have even talked about it with him already. I called my roommate freshman year to tell her that my mom was gay, so she wasn’t blindsighted at move in when I came with two moms rather than a mom and a dad…she, in turn, informed me that she was diabetic, and told me what to expect as a result (insulin stocked in the fridge, needing orange juice when she wasn’t feeling well, etc.), and it was a nice chat that made things comfortable for both of us.</p>
<p>Three, I’ll say it again, looking up your child’s roommates…well, that’s just creepy and embarrassing for the student. Just say no. This is why kids are so wary of accepting their parents’ friend requests, because it’s another way for their parents to embarrass the hell out of them, intentionally or not.</p>
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<p>Hey, that’s the raison d’etre for parents of teenagers. :D</p>
<p>I think I’d be supremely creeped out if I found out my roommate’s mother was facebook stalking me…</p>
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As a young person, it’s probably natural for you to feel this way. Later, when you have kids, you might see it a little differently. I don’t see just taking a look at someone’s page as “stalking” - which implies following a person around, observing everything they do, etc. (even in a virtual sense), with some nefarious motive. </p>
<p>Parents are faced with the daunting, often terrifying job of trying to keep their kids safe in a world full of hazards. Using the technology available (i.e. facebook, etc.) is just part of trying to do that job.</p>
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<p>I should hope not. Students deserve privacy, too. We’re not talking about a twelve year old on the internet. We’re talking about an eighteen year old young man’s roommate. Now, the fact that that young man’s information isn’t set to private is another thing 0 unless this parent was also on her son’s account!</p>