I’m a freshman right now at one of the top liberal arts colleges in the country. I was happy that I got in and my parents are really proud of me. But everyone (parents, uncles and aunts, cousins, etc) that college was the best time of their lives and that they had so much fun. But I’m not having much fun and it doesn’t feel like the best time of my life. I’m doing well academically, but not socially. I’ve tried going to parties and I’ve made myself stay for half an hour, but I didn’t have fun at any of the parties. I can’t drink alcohol because the smell of it bothers me so I can’t even get myself to try a sip and I don’t smoke anything. I go to pregames and stuff just to talk to my friends and to meet girls, but I never have any fun. On Fridays and Saturdays I usually end up watching a movie or reading and then going to bed. I haven’t found anyone else who doesn’t like to party. There really aren’t any clubs I’m interested in joining. I have friends, but just like in high school I have nothing in common with them. I’ve found that literally no one my age likes classical or opera music and they don’t like reading the kind of books that I do, either. I’ve never had a girlfriend before and I really want to have a girlfriend but I can’t find girls who are like me. I’m also a picky eater and the dining hall never has food I like. I’m not having fun at all and I don’t know what to do.
I’m so sorry 
That really sucks. I’m only a high school senior, so I’m not really qualified to give you advice, but I will anyway!
I’m also not a party type. I have no interest in getting involved in addictive substances, so I’m planning on living in wellness dorms. If your college has one, maybe you should live there. You may find interesting people that aren’t so interested in parties.
You said you’re not interested in any clubs, but maybe you’d enjoy volunteering activities. It’s a good way to meet people.
Lastly, you’re only a freshman. Many people hate it at first. Relax and give it some time.
Good luck!
I am guessing there are many students just like you at your school. It’s still pretty early days and it may take a while to find them. I know my daughter has a huge appreciation for classical music. It may take going to some concerts to find others that do as well. And maybe see if there are any book clubs. If not look into starting one.
@Englishbooknerd so sorry to hear that you are struggling to find other like minded boys and girls like you. I am confident that somewhere in your college there are some. But, you certainly are not likely to find friends like you at parties.
You sound somewhat similar to my daughter who is smart and bookish with no interest in parties. She never had a boyfriend before she started college last year. Funny enough, she met her boyfriend, who also is smart and bookish, in the laundry room in their dorm last year. Since neither or them party, they both learned that if you get up early on a Saturday morning when the party people are nursing hangovers in bed, that there is no wait for machines in the laundry room. So while their clothes were in the machines they started talking about science fiction books, and the rest is history. They love to read together, go to museums, go for walks, hang out and talk, watch TV or movies on Netflix, and this year because one of them has a kitchen in their dorm they are doing a lot of cooking together on weekends.
So perhaps you need to figure out where the other people who do not party hang out on the weekends. You are apt to meet people like you in unexpected places, like maybe the laundry room in the early morning on the weekends.
Have you thought about starting a club for the things you enjoy (classical music/opera music/book club?
Definitely check out book club opportunities. Km in the one at my school and it’s been pretty good for meeting the other nerds.
@Englishbooknerd spend some time reading through four or five pages on this forum, because there are a lot of students that feel just as you do. Read some of the suggestions posted on those threads, especially by @NorthernMom61 who gives helpful advice. There are plenty of kids that have no interest in partying. You have to find them. Go to the “nerdy” clubs, like debate, or maybe the newspaper. You say none of the clubs interest you. Force yourself to go. The club might be a lot more interesting when you realize there are like-minded kids. And there definitely ARE others who are not interested in drinking. My D has zero interest in alcohol, and none of her high school friends are interested either.
One thing I have learned is that the “best four years of your life” is a myth for the majority of students, at least in the beginning. From what I can see since my own kid started college, most students have some kind of rough period settling in. It can be homesickness, difficulty meeting people (the case for my own kid), or meeting the academic challenges of college. And roommates from hell is a category in itself!
Re the dining hall, you might have to force yourself to start experimenting with trying new foods. It’s one thing to be a picky eater as a kid, and another to be one as an adult. You might have a hard time finding a restaurant date if all you like is Mac and cheese:-) I can think of literally dozens of foods I didn’t like when I was younger that I now love: avocados, blue cheese, curry, lentils, beets, etc…
I think there is a little self-pity going on in your post. This is a time to get out of your comfort zone. Try new foods, try listening to some new music, go to the club you think you aren’t interested in, and try talking to people who maybe aren’t just like you. I have friends that initially, I seemed to have little in common with, but after getting to know them, realized that we had common values. Try to get under the surface of things, because it will be worth it. And also remember it has only been a couple of months. Things will improve if you put in the effort.
Good tips above about being out and about early in the weekends. And about food – the dining hall is one place people hang out and get to know one another. You will do yourself a huge favor in life to make an effort to try more new foods, too.
I can relate, but at least you have an idea of which sort of niche you would like to belong to. I can’t even say that I found anything close to a niche.
You’re not having fun because you are no fun.
I know that’s hard to hear, but you have an excuse for everything:
- I go to pregames but I never have any fun.
- On Fridays and Saturdays I usually end up watching a movie or reading and then going to bed.
- There really aren't any clubs I'm interested in joining.
- I have friends, but just like in high school I have nothing in common with them.
- I've found that literally no one my age likes classical or opera music and they don't like reading the kind of books that I do, either.
- I've never had a girlfriend before and I really want to have a girlfriend but I can't find girls who are like me.
- I'm also a picky eater and the dining hall never has food I like.
Kid, you are where fun goes to die. You need to take a serious step outside of the sad little box you’ve put yourself in and start exploring the world.
- Go to a pregame and learn about the game.
- Create a poster that says "Movie Night in My Room" and make popcorn and get people to come watch with you.
- Pick a club and join it. I don't care if you don't think it's fun, because you don't know what fun looks like anyway.
- You don't have to have a lot in common with people to be friends with them. In fact, my best friends are ones that are VERY different from me.
- They don't have to. Find some old people who like to talk about classical music. Start your own book club that has the type of books you do like to read and advertise it.
- You won't get a girlfriend until you work on yourself. Or you will, and you'll really not enjoy being around her, because the energy you put out is the energy you'll attract, and right now, you need to work on your energy.
- Learn to like new foods. It's not going to kill you.
@MotherOfDragons “Pregame” is the name for “drinking before a party,” no?
And seriously? If someone had told me as a lonely freshman JUST BE MORE FUN, YOU LOSER, THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, I would have been even more depressed than I was already. How awful. Never be a counselor.
@MotherOfDragons has a point. And you do not need to party to make friends and have fun. But I agree that you have to make an effort, and you gotta bring at least a little fun of your own.
And girls with those interests do exist – one is my D.
I have no patience for people who wallow in their own misery.
You have the power to create the world you want to be in when you’re in a “top liberal arts school”, and when you hand off all that power and make excuses when you have EVERY ABILITY and EVERY OPPORTUNITY to do something good, meaningful, and fun, then yeah, no sympathy at all.
And I assumed that pre-game meant that it was a social get together before the game to talk about the game (can you tell I"m not a jock). If it’s just an excuse to get wasted, then there are probably better opportunities out there to become an aficionado of whatever sport is popular on campus.
Don’t put words in my mouth, either. He’s not a loser; he’s someone who doesn’t know how to have fun. That’s fixable, if he chooses to do so.
Also, don’t diagnose him because YOU are not a counselor. You’re using the word “depressed”, he’s not using that word.
He wanted advice-he got it. You’re welcome to give him sprinkles and sunshine, but I don’t think unicorns pooping rainbows is going to get him anywhere.
There will be kids not going to the game at all colleges. Find them.
And that inability to have any bit of niceness for someone who is suffering makes you a jerk.
Someone told me when I posted here in tears freshman year that I was creating my problems and that I should just BE HAPPY. That is still among the worst things someone has ever said to me. Didn’t help at all and just made me feel even more like something must be wrong with me.
That thing that’s wrong with me is some amount of depression and anxiety, not “not being fun.” I hope to God that OP doesn’t take your harsh words to heart. Stuff like that can crush someone who’s already hurting.
I’m saying I was depressed, not that OP is. Try reading. Or putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. That was one of the meanest, least helpful posts I have ever read on this website. I’m out.
I also thought the entire original post read like a Debby Downer sketch. The dining room never has food that I like? There are no clubs that I am interested in joining? So every food has been tasted, every club has been joined, and every possible friend has been met and discarded? OP, I encourage you to keep looking for some activities that will interest you - local service or religious organizations tend to attract non-drinking new students who are looking to make friends. Meeting with the campus counseling service would be a great idea for you.
Oh my god he doesn’t need “niceness”, he needs truth. He wants to fix himself, and sometimes doing that is really, really unpleasant and you need to hear things that you don’t like hearing.
And yet again, incorrectly putting words in my mouth. I didn’t tell him (or you) to “just be happy”. I gave him specific actionable answers to his excuses.
I didn’t ask what was wrong with you, @bodangles, because this thread is not about you. The OP has never mentioned depression.
@bodangles and @MotherOfDragons BOTH have good points. Bodangles is a college student, and MOD is an adult with kids and a lot of experience. The OP is a teenager who is having a tough time, and is just speaking what he feels. He probably could use a dose of harsh reality, but I think we should have a little sympathy for a kid who is experiencing a lot of changes right now.
Meanwhile, OP, I tend to agree with others who say that you need to get out of your comfort zone, in all areas of your life. And I personally don’t think you should complain about the food. They have to make food that appeals to thousands of people, not just you. Surely there is great variety in food choices, especially because many LACs are known for having pretty good food. I think you are best keeping your picky tastes to yourself, but do try new things.
@ Englishbooknerd
I have found out very quickly the hard way that College Confidential is not a friendly community. If you want to have a heartfelt discussion where people actually care about what’s going on with you and will listen, this is not the place. People are going to call you all kinds of names and assume stuff about you even though all they know about you comes from a single post.
Being lonely is no fun. Having to deal with people who don’t understand you is also no fun. You seem like someone who walks to the beat of their own drummer, and good on you for that.
I have a great John Stuart Mill quote that might make you feel a bit better:
“Eccentricity has always abounded when and where strength of character has abounded; and the amount of eccentricity in a society has generally been proportional to the amount of genius, mental vigor, and moral courage which it contained. That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of the time.”
–John Stuart Mill
Honestly, you seem like a genuinely nice guy. A lot of girls are catty and shallow. I wish I could say that I know for sure that you’ll find a kindred spirit, though I truly hope that you do.
Can you tell us where you go to school? I understand if you’d rather keep that to yourself.
@pennyforyourthoughts, don’t paint the whole CC community with that brush. People can point out steps the OP could take – the OP really doesn’t seem to be trying as hard as they could. (NO clubs, really?). And adults have a longer term perspective; the OP has been at college for less than 10 weeks. Many of us have had kids who took a semester or two to settle in and make friends.