Just an update, life still sucks. I hate my school even more now. It’s spirit week so it’s just another chance for everyone to rub their happiness in my face. Everyone else in my school fits in except for me because I am a complete and utter loser. I had a gf but she dumped me cause she couldn’t stand my social awkwardness. I’m a failure
I didn’t even mention how I have a senior thesis due by December that I have been procrastinating working on so now I am far behind on that. I probably will just fail out of this magnet school and be a bum. Yay me
OP, you need counseling. Period. I know you’ve said you would be too embarrassed but if you want to change your life, it’s imperative. Please do it.
I agree with @suzy100’s excellent advice. Please go speak to someone. Is there a favorite teacher or counselor at your school that you could talk to? If you can’t talk to your mom, please find some other trusted adult to confide in. There are plenty of colleges in the US, and more than one path to get into them. But it sounds like you need to get your mental health under control first. You are not a loser. You deserve to be happy.
@MeansToAnEnd
Okay I’ll bite…why do you think you hate school and your classmates so much? Is it the ex-girlfriend issue? Is it the social awkwardness you think you possess? Help me understand why you feel this way. No one here knows who you are, so you should be free to express your feelings freely.
I think my inability to fit in and be popular has made me feel resentful of my classmates. I base my self-worth solely of my achievements which has also turned me into a very competitive person around my classmates which hasn’t helped. I am really jealous that I can’t seem to fit in which makes me feel very angry.
I feel like if I don’t get into a top University then there is no point in my existence. I am literally only defined by how much success I can gain as I do not have any other redeeming qualities whatsoever
It’s gotten to the point where I outright ignore people when they talk to me as if I am the one winning some moral victory. I know I’ll get a lot of flack for saying that but I really do not care what you guys think of me
Its not uncommon to be in your situation, my youngest didn’t like HS at all, and not many people in it.
My D did not enjoy HS. Unfortunately, she honestly struggled socially in college. However, she finished in May, and is finding work much better.
That being said, she sought help from a counselor and gained lots in insight.
@MeansToAnEnd
My brother absolutely hated high school because of social anxiety. He still doesn’t love to be around people, but he went to college and became very successful in his career. I think people on this thread are genuinely concerned about your statements. Please find someone to talk to. You can be anonymous. You deserve better than the anger and resentment that is consuming you.
Re: 26
The good news is, in this country there are many top schools… and they are diverse in academic offerings and vibe, curricular style, location/weather/setting, size, social vibe and sports scene (etc.), to the point that everyone – yourself included – can find probably at least ten schools, of varying levels of selectivity, that fit them pretty well.
Regarding that, I suggest you do some reading and figure out which reaches, matches and safeties – not just reaches – fit your known preferences the best and are affordable.
With regard to your social issues:
I find that smiling and being friendly to people – even those against whom you are competing; i know, I’m competitive too! – is a good way to form positive reactions and relationships. You don’t have to be Superman; just be willing to shake a hand or pat someone on the shoulder, say hello, and listen sometimes. There’s no magic bullet for making friends, but treating people with kindness and respect – being good to others – is a good start. There are some who will take advantage of kindness to your detriment – we typically call these people jerks – but most people won’t; they’ll return the favor. Smiles breed smiles.
This doesn’t mean you have to drop your competitive nature; just keep it positive. Never cheat and never try to sabotage anyone through dubious behavior. Just do your best and if you win, you win. And you shake the hand of the one you outdueled.
If you are emotionally unable to do these things – especially opening up to others, even just a little bit – counseling wouldn’t be a terrible idea.
Change happens when the pain of staying in your current circumstances becomes greater than the fear of trying something new.
This is a safe place to vent your frustrations. Take a deep breath, express yourself, and take a chance by dropping your defensive stance. An anonymous forum is not as helpful as actual counseling, but it might allow you to see your troubles in a different light.
Why do you want to get into a top university? What are you going to do once you’re there or once you graduate? Why do you need achievements at all? Where are your parents in all this? Please don’t give up. Others in your situation have been helped by therapy. You need help reassessing your priorities and dealing with your internal anguish. Writing on CC is a good first step, but this is not enough.
Talk to your GC…sometimes anger is masking depression
If you haven’t already, I would like to recommend that you minimize or remove yourself from the social media frenzy. I honestly believe that the lopsided view of social media, i.e. look at how great my life is x100, is not healthy for anyone. I have a D who is a junior who is at the top of her class and is intellectually gifted who has struggled off and on with finding meaningful relationships with her classmates. She recently removed herself voluntarily from most of her social media apps. This has helped coupled with working a part-time job with totally different people (college-aged students, different hs, etc). These are just suggestions, but I truly hope you look for ways to find your happiness. Asking for help is a courageous thing and should not be looked at negatively. This is your life and you deserve happiness. I will be sending you positive thoughts your way.
@yucca10 I need to have achievements because without them I am nothing. I would be even more of a nobody. Getting into a top college is just another achievement to make me feel like my life has a purpose.
I sit in class right now typing this and see all of my classmates involved in conversations making me feel more isolated. I have to achieve more than them as that’s the only thing I have over them. They all have friends and are good at socializing. I know they must all look at me by myself and just know that I am a loser which makes me so angry. I want to prove them all wrong by achieving more than them.
I feel like my feelings are causing me physical pain. I feel extremely distressed as the more I think about this the more angry I feel.
When I did my interview for Harvard I knew the interviewer was told to watch out for my type. Harvard doesn’t want losers like me in their school who can’t fit in. Jokes on them as I was able to hide my lack of social skills by putting on a mask and pretending like I fit in.