When you get to a top college, all these same kids will be there, from this top high school or others. You need to figure out what you want, to join in or to get out.
MODERATOR’S NOTE. @MeansToAnEnd, you need more help than we can give you.
Please text the crisis line and ask for help from a trained volunteer. “Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the United States, anytime, about any type of crisis.” Good luck to you! There is help out there.