I hate my college; feeling confused and lost.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hey guys. Before the rant begins, I want to apologize for the length, and I appreciate it if you make it through the whole thing. I am a Freshman at UIUC (my state school), and I've been here about 4 weeks now. I'm really struggling here, so let me give you some back-story before I go on a rant. I went to high school in the suburbs of Chicago, where I made lots of good friends, but wasn't a partier or anything. I had "popular" friends that drank, smoked, partied, etc..but I didn't join them in those types of activities. I've always been a hard worker when it comes to school, and I'm a health/fitness freak so that is the main reason behind my refusal to drink. Because of my academic success/sports in high school, I was accepted into several universities. However, I was overwhelmed and had no idea what to pick. My brothers (who are both done with school) urged and convinced me to pick a place that offered "the typical college experience." I really enjoyed University of Michigan when I visited, but the cost was VERY VERY HIGH and they didn't immediately admit me to the College of Business. Since UIUC offered me instant access to the Business School, I picked it as my choice since it is also a prestigious Big 10 College. It was a blind choice for the most part though. I listened to what everyone else told me I wanted and I feel like I failed to consider my own happiness. Now, I'm normally a very easygoing, determined, and happy person. I generally find positives in any situation and I can even be happy alone because I'm a person that enjoys solitude at times. But in college, I feel like a shell of myself.</p>

<p>4 weeks into school here, I can't stand it. I see my friends post happy pictures/posts online at their colleges and I'm jealous. I'm sad and angry about my decision, and the homesickness is insane. I expected it to be tough at first, but I figured I'd be like my brothers and get over it, join a frat, and have loads of fun. That is not the case and it has gotten worse. There is hardly anything to do but drink because this town is in the middle of nowhere. House parties and drinking are pretty much the only "fun" activities. I've checked out multiple frats, but due to my values, I don't seem to fit in or match with any of them. I don't want a life that revolves around partying and getting into girls' pants 24/7 (hell, I've never even been with a girl, because I have yet to meet one that I truly felt connected to) when there is so much more to life. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I find it really hard to break the law or be attracted to girls who sleep around or act crazy. I've also attended new student events, movie nights, and gone out and tried some notable campus eateries. But it seems like wherever I go, there are just guys talking in groups about getting wasted or getting with girls. I still have an empty feeling inside no matter what I do. Even the activities that are normally keys to my happiness (working out at the rec center here is just awful, video games) are not enjoyable here. My life at home was just so much better; activities with my close-bonded family, freedom with a car, proximity to Chicago, etc..Not to mention this brutal Dorm life. I can't help but feel that I need a transfer to a college closer to home in the city like DePaul or UIC. At least those colleges have activities other than drinking due to the sheer variety of things to do in the city. My parents tell me I need to give it more time (my dad is pretty angry about my feelings because this is a pretty prestigious school) and they think I need to be more outgoing and that it'll be better once I have more friends. I can't see this being true; I've tried socializing and everyone seems to have that same annoying "party" attitude. I haven't met any people like me that are health/fitness fiends so it is hard to find people that don't drink, not that I mind drinkers as long as they don't talk about it non-stop. I'm even having some trouble staying focused in my classes, which has never been an issue in my life. The intramurals here are also ridiculously intense, so my hopes for escaping in friendly sports are pretty much crushed. My roommate is a decent "friend" from high school, and we always eat together and stuff so I'm never really alone, but he snores louder than a jet engine, making me miss my room and bed even more.</p>

<p>But here, something is just wrong. I feel like I don't fit in with the typical college campus life. I don't want to be bored out of my mind all the time because I don't participate in the party scene that seems to dominate the campus. I miss my family, hometown, downtown Chicago, etc... I have an appointment with the school's counseling center tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to discuss some of my thoughts without them just trying to convince me how awesome of a school this is. I can't even imagine being here unhappy for longer than a semester, and even that seems so long at this point. But I feel like I'm letting my family down and will be regarded as the failure of the family. So, my questions to you guys are:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Should I keep asking my parents about transferring closer to home? They don't seem to see that as a good reason for transferring, though.</p></li>
<li><p>Should a transfer be in my future, what would the options be? Can I leave mid-semester and finish at a community college? Should I stick it out and try and transfer to UIC or DePaul next semester?</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Thanks again.</p>

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<p>Well, I’m not super familiar with your school, but I feel like just about every school will have people who love to party, and it’ll have people who don’t want to party at all. Have you tried joining any clubs or activities? Ones that aren’t just “go meet other people”, but more “let’s do something”. It might help you connect with a better crowd. Try to pick events where everyone will have some common interest, something you like too of course. :P</p>

<p>As for your questions:

  1. Eh, I’d say do some basic research on the schools you’re interested in. Specifically, do they accept sophomore/lower div transfers, and when are their application dates? If they only want juniors or the application dates are months away, don’t worry about it for now. If you’re in a system where apps are due in October/November for next fall, you might want to submit them so you have options at the end of the year.</p>

<p>I’d say being unhappy is a perfectly valid reason to want a transfer, but when that time comes try and pick somewhere that’ll make the problems better. Look at the social scene, is it less party oriented? You said your friends are having a blast at their other schools, but you also said they don’t mind drinking and partying, so those schools might not be any better for your situation.</p>

<ol>
<li> No, you can’t enroll in a CC halfway through the semester. If you’re doing well/okay academically, I would suggest you stay put for the rest of the term… otherwise you’ll have W’s and be out quite a bit of cash, with nothing left to do until spring semester.</li>
</ol>

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<p>Thanks for the response. The problem with this campus is that there isn’t anything to do if you don’t drink. There are clubs, of course, but after the club activities end, there is nothing to do. Especially compared to say, all of the activities in Ann Arbor, Michigan (at U of Michigan) or the endless possibilities in the city (DePaul or UIC). </p>

<p>Unfortunately, Michigan is most likely too expensive (pretty sure it’s way more than UIUC). Also, DePaul and UIC’s deadlines are in November and October, respectively.</p>

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<p>I can promise you that there are girls at your school that are hoping they meet someone like you! I know that finding them can be difficult though. Why is working out at the rec center awful? Are you just used to doing that with friends so it’s not as fun right now, or is there something about the center?
Have you already looked into fitness related clubs? I imagine they are there, but if not, perhaps you can start one. I know you want something to do in the evenings after club events, but that might help you find the right people to hang out with. If you are at all religious (or open to it) those groups might be a good place to find people who share some of your values as far as partying, etc.
Don’t be afraid to talk to one of the counselors there at school. They can just be great to talk to, but have had many students go through similar feelings and might have suggestions about blubs, dorm changes, etc that could help.</p>

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<p>The rec center here is just bad. Lack of equipment, overcrowding, etc…Even my high school’s workout room was better than this…I just feel that this school is dominated by Greek Life, and if you’re like me and are not into it (sorry, I don’t like being forced/pressured into doing things I don’t want to do), it’s really tough. Also, I’m kind of an independent person who struggles with commitments, so I have trouble joining clubs. I have a counselor meeting in a few hours, so I’ll post back after that.</p>

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<p>Transfer next semester. I was in the same boat as you last fall. I literally went to uiuc despite wanting to go to a city school (uic) because uiuc was cheaper for me. I was so miserable and depressed. I left for spring 2014 and am happy that I left. I do not miss champaign at all. Some of us belong at a city school, others belong somewhere where they can get the traditional college experience. Just try to stick it out. Ik it’ll be hard, but it’ll be december before you know it. Ignore your dad. It’s your life/happiness, not his.</p>

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<p>I just got back from a meeting with a counselor. He pretty much agreed with me. He said he understands how hard it could be for someone who doesn’t drink/party a lot to adjust at such a big school, especially one like UIUC where there isn’t much else to do. I would like a small school or a city school close to home so that I can go home whenever I want, but my parents keep telling me “you’re too smart to be living around at home and going to a small school,” or “that isn’t college, it’s too hard to meet people, I know you won’t believe me but you’ll regret it later.” I want to be close to home, that’ll make me happy. I want the freedom of my family, home, car, and the city to rely on when I’m feeling down or as an escape from a bad day. My house even has a workout room in the basement that I wish I could use every day. It sounds like I’m just being a baby that doesn’t want to grow up, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to spend my final years before I’m almost completely on my own away from my family. I don’t know what else to say to them. I know it’s my decision but I don’t want to viewed as a failure. Any tips, guys?</p>

<p>Thanks very much for your response Rolando. Can you please elaborate a little more on your experience here at UIUC? Perhaps that’ll help me convince my parents of my feelings. Also, any suggestions to make the semester go by quicker? And when did you start applying to UIC, should I start doing that now?</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t suggest <em>living</em> at home, but I agree that being close to home might make things better. If the school is within a 1-2 hour drive it would still be easy to go home and visit, and you’ll get the benefits of living on campus and being around new people. Being on campus helps teach independence, it means making new friends, learning to live with others, and it can be easier to attend study groups/dinner with friends/club events. If you live off campus it can be a bit isolating, and it sounded like your biggest complaint about UIUC was making friends… commuting will not help with that.</p>

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<p>Well, the problem with UIUC in my opinion is the sheer domination by Greek Life. I feel like anyone who doesn’t join greek life is treated as an outsider, therefore making it very hard to meet friends with similar interests. I’ve made many acquaintances, but all they seem to talk about is drinking, getting with girls, etc… That is why I didn’t get involved with frats. There seems to be too much pressure to do things that don’t match up with my values. I know some people going to school in the city, already, as well. Not to mention the amount of things that can keep me occupied (zoo, museums, ridiculous amount of restaurants, sporting events, parks, etc…) UIUC is only about a 2 and half hour drive from my home as it is, but I have no car here like I did at home.</p>

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<p>you should try drinking/going to parties, it is the only fun thing to do sometimes at a lot of colleges, especially at UIUC where there is literally nothing but bars and corn</p>

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<p>Sorry man, not gonna happen. I’ve seen it consume family members and close friends. I pride myself in maintaining a healthy body and there is no point in doing it other than fitting in. </p>

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<p>Well, step number one, STOP HANGING AROUND THE FRATS. What did you think frats were about? They drink and chase girls. If you bought into the idea that they are service organizations or something, you need to get over that.</p>

<p>So… there are actually a lot of students at UIUC who also aren’t into partying. Probably 20%+ of a very large student body, but you aren’t going to meet them at frat parties. Places to look:

  • Join volunteer activities on campus. Helping plan a big campus event can be a great way to get to know people.
  • Join a club or activity that is more time consuming than meeting once a week. Student newspaper, theater, or some kind of musical group, for example.
  • Do you have a job? Another way to get to know people besides in classes and clubs.
  • If you get the chance to join a study group, do it.
  • If you still haven’t found non-drinkers by the end of the year, consider moving into some kind of special interest housing or coop housing if they have it on your campus.
  • If you stay in on a weekend evening, leave your dorm room door open. If someone stops by, see if they want to play cards or order pizza or go out to get something to eat.</p>

<p>I have been to your campus. It is no more or less “interesting” than 95% of college campuses in the US. Don’t pine for another school. Your school is plenty big enough to find friends, you just need to be patient and keep going to the places where those people might be. (Hint: not in frats)</p>

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<p>Im glad I can help! </p>

<p>Well ever since my junior year of hs, uic was where I wanted to go. I love the city. Love the idea of living there for college (I’m transferring in next sem and dorming). Like you, I didn’t drink/smoke/party in hs. That started at u of I. I just hated being in the corn fields, nothing around. I told my uiuc friends and family about how much I wish I had gone to uic instead. But all they said was how I can always live in the city and uic was crappy anyways. It was very disparaging so ik how you feel. My depression got worse in Champaign and so I turned to drinking. I highly recommend that don’t do that. That got me through my semester there though tbh. Uic is a different experience, but I can’t wait to go semester :). Good luck!</p>

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<p>You sound perfect for DePaul (in dorm or student housing at least your first year there) and Chicago. UIC, not so much. You might want to leave at the end of this semester (aim for straight A grades) and do spring semester working, interning, or attending community college in Chicago area while you line up a transfer. I’m thinking: Get out while the going is good. Or, stay at UIUC and find your tribe. :slight_smile: </p>

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<p>That’s what I primarily want to do. I want to finish out the semester here (while it will be brutal and drag on forever) and do the Spring Semester at a Community College while I figure out where I would want to transfer. Does that seem like the most logical approach? Or should I try and just transfer right into a new university?</p>

<p>@dyiu13‌, why do you think DePaul and not UIC? I’m interested in both among other schools, but I’d like to know your thoughts.</p>

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<p>bump.</p>

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<p>I think you should stick out the full year and apply to transfer in the spring. Don’t college hop back to a CC.</p>

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<p>I know it’s not ideal, but should I really waste an entire year at a place where I am unhappy? I spend most of my time just wishing I was someplace else, whether it be home or the city, and not this boring “college town” in the middle of a cornfield. Will going to a CC for the Spring really be that big of a mistake? Would it risk my chances of getting into a different school like DePaul or UIC?</p>

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<p>Have you thought of joining a service fraternity like APO?
Join a club sport?</p>

20

<p>Sports here are too competitive for my taste, and I just found out about APO and have missed out on their Fall Rush. I’ve been looking at a good amount of clubs recently, making a list and trying to decide which ones to look into further. But I still don’t think this will be the right place for me. I can’t even bring myself to enjoy the campus very much. I don’t really see how activities could help with that.</p>