<p>Lots of students call or IM their parents several times a day. This is a new phenomenon and seems related to cell phones and Internet use. You aren't being a baby to touch base often with your mom.</p>
<p>Most college freshmen haven't made friends yet. They may be hanging around with some people, but they haven't been together long enough to be really friends. Lots of the groups that you see together are just scared freshmen who are hanging onto whomever they can. It really does take a while to develop friendships. It doesn't happen overnight.</p>
<p>cry in the shower, just do something that's for you -- i like to walk off campus to a pastry shop/coffeehouse since just taking a walk, buying and reading the NY Times and getting a coffee reminds me of being home. and i'll always call home when i'm finishing up the walk/afternoon's adventure and it makes me feel ten times better. don't worry about having to always be on your "best behavior" -- it's perfectly acceptible to tell your roommates that you just need to be by yourself or that you're homesick or whatever. it was weird telling my roommate freshman year that i was homesick and wanted to watch a movie in bed by myself one afternoon (it's okay, she had class), but she understood and let me. and we don't talk anymore, and were never the best of friends, but that afternoon she came home with a snack for me and we sat and chatted. as for the superficial friendships, while i'm friends with most of the people i met originally, i'd say that the people i am closest to at college are the ones i took some time to find and then get to know. </p>
<p>something no one else commented on, and it may be touchy, but some food for thought</p>
<p>to the OP- you say your parents relationship was "volital"- my guess is you may be feeling guilty for no being there for your mom (you should NOT feel guilty), but it may be just a part of the seperation stuff you are going through</p>
<p>Remember, she will be fine, and wants you to be happy, enjoy school and become a great adult, and it sounds like you are going to make her proud</p>
<p>I don't know all the dynamics of what you left behind, but sometimes the relief of being out of a stressful situation where one often has to be on guard, and not show your emotions, and now, you can...so let it out- cry, and if you need an excuse, go read a chicken for the soul book, or watch Extreme makeover, the home edition, and let those tears flow...its very healthy to cry</p>
<p>As for the other thing, about having to "look good" (can't remember exact phrase, but think this is what was meant), who cares? Throw on sweats and a tshirt....you don't need makeup, or fancy hair, just be clean...and relax...even if you have roommates who always look put together, don't worry about it....be comfortable and enjoy school!!!</p>
<p>becchalk, Everyone else has offered such good advice that I don't think I have much of value to add. It's so positive that you are telling someone ( even if it's just us!) about your real feelings. Sometimes I think freshmen are caught up in trying to be cool and may not admit to missing home and family. It's especially hard when you are sick too! My daughter is in her first semester and was sick last week....this week her roommate has strep. All of you are under so much stress and it's no wonder you get somewhat run-down. I'll just bet your mom would be able to give you some comfort even if it is over the phone. And we parents are not always dialed in to how much you need us or whether you want us to back off. Tell them you are struggling with this so they can step up a bit. IM's are great, text messaging, calls, care pkgs. etc. Hugs to you and keep in mind that next semester is bound to get easier!</p>
<p>becchalk - you have made a major change! Bates in Maine is a very different environment than Palo Alto, CA. Bates is a small school - kind of isolated - limited outside activities - have you considered talking with any of your advisors or instructors about how you are feeling. Homesickness at this time in the Fall is common but sometimes homesickness is really your recognition that you are really unhappy with where you have landed. It might be helpful to talk with someone in the counseling center or with your advisor to help distinguish between typical homesickness and something more significant. When will you see your parents again? Are you going home for Thanksgiving? Christmas Break?</p>
<p>Hugs to you becchalk. Just wanted to encourage you and second all that's been written. Going off to college is a major life change, especially so far away and in a place so different from CA. Give yourself the time to adjust and grieve your losses. Life is made up of these ups and downs, some of the downs are really hard, but you will get through them. </p>
<p>One of the blessings in this is your love and appreciation for your family and for your mom. It's normal to "want your mommy" during those times of stress and to call her when you feel that way.</p>
<p>My son is a HS senior who will go to college next year. I know my husband and I will miss him terribly. I can't speak for your parents, but my husband and I would LOVE to hear from our son as often as he wanted to make contact. I wouldn't want him to be homesick, but I REALLY wouldn't want him to have those feelings and not share them with us. Many of my friends have kids in college and quite a few of the girls call their Moms everyday, sometimes several times daily during stressful times. I don't know as many with boys at school, so I can't say what's average for them. I can only say we hope for regular contact from our son, however he's feeling.</p>
<p>With the number of changes you've had in your life, stress is inevitable, but very likely to decrease over time. Life won't throw anything at you that you can't handle, as long as you don't try to handle it alone.</p>
<p>Don't worry about wanting to be your mommy's baby. In her heart, as they say, you will always be her baby. Now, I am sure wants you to grow up and have a good adult life. But I bet she would be glad to know you are still her baby.</p>
<p>even now that I'm all "grown up" and have an adult child of my own, when I'm sick, I still "want my mommy." I don't expect that will ever change.</p>
<p>becchalk: as the "mommy" of a first year D (my only), I thought I'd share from THIS side of the fence. I miss my D sometimes too. Kind of out of the blue. Like the other day, I was on the phone with my grandmother, and suddenly I had big quiet tears rolling down my face. But it passed, and I must say, the emotional period felt good.</p>
<p>Most of the time I hardly miss her. It's quieter. The food in the fridge is still where I left it yesterday. The phone isn't ringing non-stop. I like it this way. Most of the time. But her "mommy" misses her too.</p>
<p>It's actually really comforting to hear of parents not missing their kids all that much. </p>
<p>What was TOXIC for me was my parents telling me (before I left) that they wanted to talk to me everynight. Because I really feel that the more I talk to my parents, the more we'd miss each other, and I don't want to be unhappy and I don't want them to be unhappy. So, we barely talk, honestly. Maybe once or twice a week. </p>
<p>Could you ask your roommate to leave? I've always wondered this. Lucky for me, I do have some alone time (with two roommates, even). For instance, two weekends ago and this past weekend both of my roommates left. For the entire weekend. It was fabulous. But still... I'm wondering if it's just two roommates if you could schedule some alone time for each other. Or, are her classes different times then yours? Embrace the alone time, really.</p>
<p>And I second everyone who said cry in the shower. Though, I have my own shower so I don't know how it compares with communal bathrooms. Either way, the crying is necessary. Let it out.</p>
<p>I miss my D too. We IM at least a little every day and phone sometimes.</p>
<p>I am a parent over 50--my own mom died over 10 years ago and I still miss her every day.</p>
<p>Over time you will learn that the love you share with a parent or parents is a lifelong gift for your own lifetime-- it is always with you and has helped to make you who you are. At college you will discover deeper layers of yourself and in learning how to be your true self and developing your potential you will also be drawing on that love and finding how it can sustain you through the best of times and the worst of times. My D was always a big "Lion King" fan-- the eternal bond of parent and child is expressed effectively in the Mufasa -Simba relationship. Follow the good advice here --seek out a place to be alone and commune with your feelings--everyone needs some private space and the chance to forget about "creating an external persona"--then you can return refreshed and renewed to the exhiliration of interaction with your peers.</p>
<p>I'd say crying is a good solution ( in the shower, like aforementioned posts) After you cry for about 10 min, BAM it'll go. Crying is natural, and at some point healthy, instead of struggling emotionally by having those sad and gloomy emotions inside your body. Let it go through some process. Some people might just prefer taking a walk around campus, or others feel like playing games will do best. Look what best suits you. It'll be OK!</p>
<p>I went to a boarding high school 3000 miles away from my mom, spent a high school year in China, 3 months in India, 2 in Europe and another summer in China. Now I'm in NYC, also 3000 miles away and college has yet to start.</p>
<p>All this is to say that I'm never far from my mom. There have been very few days when we didn't talk. I can't imagine not sharing my days with her and hearing what she's up to. She will always be probably my best friend, but certainly my greatest bond.</p>
<p>Weirdly enough, there is a sliver of good news in being homesick--it's proof positive that you have deep roots somewhere, a sense of place, and people you love and carry with you wherever you go. In short, your heart is capable of loving deeply and experiencing a feeling of loss when you're separated from what you love. It's working the way it's supposed to. Good to know, even if painful at times. You've already gained something thru this difficult process: You've had a good realization because of the time spent apart. You wish you had used your time better when you were with your mom. Well, now you are knowledgeable and better equipped to savor your time with her when you're together again or when you're talking on the phone. And anyway, don't be hard on yourself if you were testy or worse at times with your mom. Moms in general are pretty good at understanding that with some kids sometimes this is part of the process, their kid's outward signs of their inner personal battles. Maybe you'll want to let her know now that you are seeing things differently and expect your relationship to be the better for it. </p>
<p>And for needed help with dealing with homesickness, it's sometimes a good thing to let people you love and trust know what you need so they don't have to guess or guess wrong. So maybe you could let your mom know you could use a card or a care package filled with homemade cookies or ask her think of you every day at, say, 3 o' clock and that you'll think of her too--or whatever you think you would help you. Finally, do be easy on yourself. You've done lots of things right. You had the courage to take a big leap into the world and you're pretty sure you're where you're supposed to be. That's HUGE. Good stuff.</p>
<p>I am a college freshman about 500 miles from home. I lived in Mountain View (right next to you, becchalk!) and it's a very different environment at school. My 18th birthday was the first weekend I was alone at school and it crushed me not being with my friends and family. I cried three times a week. However, it's been a month and a half and I am happier now. It took about 6 weeks, but I've made friends with similar interests, I get along quite well with my roommate, I love my RA, and most of all, I'm extremely busy. I am taking 18 credits (as many as you can), I have a job (I'm meeting new people, keeping busy, AND making cash on the side!), and I am stage managing one of the mainstage productions in our theatre department. My best advice for you is to get involved, because it really doesn't leave time for homesickness. And when you do get homesick, call home. I talk to one member of my family every day. My parents and both sisters have screen names, and my sisters have facebooks. We have a midterm break in two weeks and it's keeping me alive and thriving knowing that I can sleep in my own bed, be with my family, and cuddle with my dog in 10 days. Make plane reservations to go home (or for your family to see you) and have it be something to look forward to. It really helps!
Good luck and here's a hug from you to me.</p>
<p>becchalk:
I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not the only college freshman who misses her mommy. I am about 1500 miles away from home, and I miss mine a whole bunch, too. Like you, I really regret not being nicer to her when I was still able to spend time with her every day.
Best of luck to you. I hope that you start to feel better soon. Remember, though, that your mommy will always be your mommy, no matter how many miles are between you. I'm sure that she misses you just as much as you miss her.</p>
<p>becchalk...I'm from your hometown and when I first went East it was very hard!!! I called home a lot. Things got a lot better when I made really good friends. Also, I was really sensitive to the lack of sunlight (California girl, you know). Make sure you have warm clothes and a good sun lamp. Most photos of me at that time where taken with me sitting under a sun lamp, swaddled in an electric blanket plugged into the socket...I met my first boyfriend when he wore a college sweatshirt from California and I practically hugged him before we were introduced. Have your mom send you an inflatable palm tree, a good loaf of sourdough, and try to find kindred spirits. Then call home a lot...</p>
<p>hey kinda late on the post, but for me actually hearing my parents' voices makes me more homesick/want to cry. I know it might seem weird, but maybe try for a week not talking on the phone and reserving it for weekends. For me writing is much easier- whether online, emailing, etc... In my family at least, when I call I'm not just talking to one person, but the phone gets passed around and it kind of makes me remember on a more personal level that I'm not there. When I write it's more like I'm on vacation or something. Also, it's kinda hard to talk on the phone about personal things in college. Stuff like, mom my roommate is an obnoxious, sloppy, whatever, should def. not be said aloud in the room.</p>