<p>Well, S is a jr in HS, just got his first semester grades. Going into finals last week he had 4 B's and 2 A's, so I was relatively confident he would be ok. Really needed to step it up this year to boost his GPA. Fast forward to this week...he dropped a whole letter grade in THREE classes because of his score on the finals, so ended up with 1 A, 3 B's, 2 C's. So disappointing. In one class, the C grade was a 79.9%. One lousy tenth of a point from a B-...just twist that knife a little more...</p>
<p>So, of course this isn't even a 3.0. It's looking more and more likely that he will graduate with <3.0. (He's not taking any AP.)</p>
<p>Not sure why I posted. Just need some support, I guess. Sigh. :(</p>
<p>Are you able to pinpoint the issue? Poor test taking skills? Nerves? Poor study skills? Over confidence? Boredom? ADHD? Illness? Too many ECs?</p>
<p>I ask because CC is full of parents of imperfect kids and if you can pinpoint the issue, I’m sure you can get good advice.</p>
<p>I will tell you one story. My doctor’s son didn’t get a single A in HS…his parents didn’t give him a hard time because they *thought *he was working to his ablity. He couldn’t get into the nice private to which he applied, so he went to community college. Got all As, transferred to a nice public, and is now in med school. </p>
<p>Know that boys aren’t really “finished” brain-wise until they are 24 or 25.</p>
<p>I had a boy like that. Not sure what it is about some boys. They simply just don’t get it. Some where down the line, cause and effect escapes them. I would just sit down with him and have a heart to heart. Not the time to preach, but to find out what HE wants. Maybe he does not want to go to college. (Mine at first said he wanted to go, but in the end, ended up in the Air Force) Really listen to what he says. If college is 100% what he wants, ask him where he wants to go. Where does he see himself. Then go to those websites, look at what the respective stats are for that school. Maybe he is okay. Maybe he is so far off the stats radar, yet he may not have a clue. I also have a son, that did relatively average in high school, and really just wanted to go to our Flagship’s local extension and he was really happy there. He was just never taken away by Tier 1 or 2 universities. Every kid is different. It is hard on CC, because there are some crazy overachievers that make a sold B student look like they should don a dunce cap. But the reality is, these “B” kids are bright and active in their schools, they simply have not put all the pieces together yet. Here is a real big upside. With my two “average joes”, I was at a loss what to do with crazy achievement D. She can be high strung, high pressured all the time. My boys were just fly by night happy go lucky guys. I have no idea what the better combination is, but with every ying, there is a yang. So embrace him for the gifts he brings, be his tour guide and in the end the journey will work itself out.</p>
<p>I understand your frustration as a parent. From an objective standpoint, his grades really aren’t that bad. With decent test scores he will have a shot at some 4 year colleges.</p>
<p>What do you think is the problem? Is he working hard and doing the best he can, or does he slack off? Some kids are very savvy about grades and always make sure they get the B- instead of the C+, while others lack that killer instinct and always end up with the lower grade. </p>
<p>I don’t have much to offer other than sympathy. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Thanks for the support. Great story, missypie! I think in most cases finals counted for at least 20% of the semester grade.</p>
<p>S does have some ADD but does not have an IEP at school (he didn’t want to be “different” and can do well if/when he applies himself). Definitely poor study skills/motivation. We told him he could get his drivers license with a 3.0 this semester, and I hope now he’s starting to see that things don’t come automatically-- they need to be worked for. Not that I’m expecting it, but he could be an A student with a little sweat.</p>
<p>Maybe jr college is the answer for this kid. I’ve heard so many stories of kids who go off to 4-yr schools only to come home after the first semester and go to jr college. I know someone whose D got an athletic scholarship to a large top-tier school. She was so psyched, but now regularly calls home in tears because she is so homesick. I’d rather S go the jr college route than have that happen.</p>
<p>Does he want to go to college? If not, look into vocational training that would get him into the work world in something that interests him. Perhaps that’s his path - and maybe not, but if he is to change his ways to make college possible (not just admission but graduation too) then perhaps the best approach is to allow him to choose his path - college or not, and live out those consequences for a while. If he does not choose college at this point, that doesn’t mean he won’t go later on, but if you let him choose a little more, perhaps he will truly work up to his potential on whatever path he chooses.</p>
<p>I could be wrong here - but the tone of your post makes me feel that you are much more upset by his weak college prospects than he is. Don’t let him waste time racking up debt or, more fundamentally, just wasting time going nowhere. Help him choose to make progress toward some type of future - college or not - and then redirect if he decides college is what he wants.</p>
<p>BfloGal, I feel your pain. I mean, I really, really feel it, since, like, first grade. Like pushing a rope uphill. My son has several instances of being <em>thisclose</em> to the better letter grade (a C+ that, with one more homework assignment turned in, would have been a B-, and a D+ in calc that would have been a C-, etc.). </p>
<p>“You ‘get it’ in my class,” one of his science teachers told him at conferences sophomore year. “Not everyone in the class gets it, not everyone is even capable of getting it. You get it. There’s an easy road, and a hard road, and…man, I don’t know why, but you always take the hard road.” </p>
<p>He had a 3.04 on his transcript at the time he applied to colleges, and of that, many of his As were in music. I think I figured he’s somewhere around a 2.9 for academic classes, despite being a pretty bright kid. No “status” schools on his application list, obviously, but he did get in to both schools he applied to (big state U and small state U) and I have seen a definite change in his outlook. I saw quite a lot of growth between junior and senior years.</p>
<p>I don’t know if he’ll ever take the easy road, but at least I’m starting to believe that he’ll manage the hard road.</p>
<p>So breathe, and know that you aren’t alone, and neither is he.</p>
<p>I think many people in CC land are in your shoes.Not everybody succeeds in HS -some are late bloomers ! Maybe your son should get a job ,or take a gap year ,until he finds what it is he is excited about.</p>
<p>There ARE lots of kids who go to college with less than a 3.0 gpa from high school. Sometimes they do very well as they get to CHOOSE their courses and the times at which to take them. Your son will likely be fine…please try not to convey your “disappointment” to him. Our teens viewed our “disappointment” as criticism…and also putting our values onto them.</p>
<p>There are lots of college options out there. There are lots of different paths folks take to having successful careers. Your son will get there…he will.</p>
<p>Bflgal - My son earned 2 As, 1 B+, and 3 Cs for this semester. He has earned Cs before and even a D or two freshman year, he too is a junior. </p>
<p>It’s OK!!! He will mature, he will get into college, and you will survive.</p>
<p>This CC forum makes me ill at times because too many people act as if a B student, or God forbid, a C student isn’t worthy of more than a community college (not that there is anything unworthy about community college).</p>
<p>My daughter is a freshman at a state flagship. She had all Cs her first semester junior year of high school and ended up with a cumulative 3.2 at the end of her high school career. She just finished a very successful first semester, her major is neurobiology (chemistry, calculus, …). She is now taking responsibility for her future. She loves what she’s studying and that makes a huge difference. </p>
<p>My son is just like his sister and I know that he’ll be just fine. </p>
<p>Not everyone is an A student. Not all B and C students fail in life. In fact, some of the most successful people I know were less than stellar students, they’re just really well rounded and happy.</p>
<p>We used to say that “A students teach and B students work for C students.”</p>
<p>I’m sure your son has some really great qualities, taking finals is clearly not his best thing. But, you know, in the major scheme of things, I’m betting on a good outcome.</p>
<p>It’s okay to be sad, though. It’s normal to be sad when we feel our kids aren’t doing as well as we wish they were. Progress is still progress, and you might as well let him know you are happy with it. Otherwise, “why bother?” might enter his mind. Good luck to you guys.</p>
<p>I really truly think that, except for at the tippy top schools, being organized and having good study habits is more important than raw IQ points.</p>
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<p>The decision that many parents have to make is economic. Is it worth paying $10,000, $20,000 or even $50,000 for a child to go away to school when he isn’t ready? It isn’t HS grades…it’s whether you think your child can make decent grades without you there coaching, nagging or whatever. You can always find a school that will take your money for a year or two. Unless money is no object, think carefully before you invest.</p>
<p>I appreciate this thread immensely!!! My S is very similar. Not sure if he gets bored toward the end of the semester or what, ut often winds up .5% off from the next grade up. He is perfectly capable of straight A’s and he tests fairly well. However, he is Mr. Good Enough. Just enough effort to do pretty well and then the motivation is gone. </p>
<p>I have become zen with his attitude. At first I drove myself crazy about it (especially with all the incredible students here). However, I try to keep in perspective what will make him most happy in life overall. Does he need to work that hard to make straight A’s? To get a 36 on the SAT? Will he really be that much better off and happier in life?</p>
<p>My husband has always driven himself into the ground for achievement sake. I am a little more laid back. However, my H always had a 4.0 and was top of his class. I always had a 3.2 or so. Fast forward a few year… We met in grad school and now we both have the same PhD and the same opportunities. But I am still much less anxious and overall happier than he is.</p>
<p>So, now my challenge (and perhaps the OPs) is to keep in mind that when they are 40 no one will care about gpa, SATs, or where they went to school. And, when they decide what they want to do, if they want it badly enough, they’ll go after it and it won’t seem like such a drag because they will be doing what they want to do. </p>
<p>My new mantra is B students, and even C students are not destined to lives lived in vans down by the river. In fact, many straight A perfect test scoring kids will succumb to pressure before my laid back happy B student. And many of them will be CEOs and nobel scientists. It’s all good.</p>
<p>To the OP: This is a hard place to be since it is heavily populated with superstars. And so it is easy to forget that there really are numerous other options than tier 1 schools with acceptance rates in the single digits. How is the CC system in your state? It can be a perfect place for those who are not yet ready to leap into a 4 year program.</p>
<p>*S does have some ADD but does not have an IEP at school (he didn’t want to be “different” and can do well if/when he applies himself). Definitely poor study skills/motivation. *</p>
<p>Is he willing to study for an upcoming test a few days before the test (perhaps making a study guide) and then doing a review the night before? If he’s trying to cram too much info in the night before, that could be an issue.</p>
<p>*We told him he could get his drivers license with a 3.0 this semester, and I hope now he’s starting to see that things don’t come automatically-- they need to be worked for. *</p>
<p>This should be a nice motivator. And, needing the 3.0 is important for insurance rates for boys!</p>
<p>Not that I’m expecting it, but he could be an A student with a little sweat.</p>
<p>If he is ADD, then he may just need the meds without being “labeled” at school. </p>
<p>*Maybe jr college is the answer for this kid. I’ve heard so many stories of kids who go off to 4-yr schools only to come home after the first semester and go to jr college. *</p>
<p>I was very worried about our oldest son when he was in high school. He got the grades, but he just seemed so unorganized…“where’s my ________”. And he had this horrid habit of sleeping thru alarms. I was certain that he’d have trouble going away to college. Well, he’s a senior in college and about to graduate…so it all worked out. </p>
<p>I would only insist on a CC if he’s a homebody. If he’s well-rounded socially (and won’t party his life away), then he probably could handle many schools.</p>
<p>Hang in there. This happens to many kids, they just aren’t retaining material from the beginning to the final. So much of high school grades are comprised of homework, class participation and an amalgamy of scores that when those finals come along and count for 25 or 30% it can drop grades. I’m not even convinced it has much to do with “being ready.” If he’s taking rigorous classes and ends up being a low B student he’ll still fnd many good places to go to college. If he actually studies then he needs to figure out how better to retain information. If he doesn’t study except for exams…well there’s the answer…he needs to do aittle bit every day so it “sticks.” Frankly I’ll take a solid B kid that’s laid back and not neurotic about grades over a solid A one that is completely neurotic about grades (and I have both so I know). As many have said this high school stuff is not going to matter a wit in a few short years,</p>
<p>I’m in your shoes – my son is a senior and his GPA is significantly lower than your son’s (though admittedly at a rigorous math/science high school). Decent test scores, but few good ECs. Yet just the other day he got into a 4-year research university – with a renewable $3,000 a year scholarship. </p>
<p>Chin up! Your son still has time to pull up his grades a bit. And know that there are lots college options still available to him. Maybe even more than you realize. </p>
<p>PS. When my son’s school work (and my spirit) were at their lowest, a friend told me: your boy is not in jail; your boy is not on drugs, your boy is not a runaway; your boy even likes his parents. Things could be worse – and that’s what became my mantra.</p>
<p>My son had a pretty disasterous freshman year at college that I think still traumatizes me. But as I’ve posted on CC before, he didn’t end up dead or in prison. (And very sad to say that there are parents on CC who can’t say that.)</p>