I need advice (Class of 2011, potential roommate)

Parents Forum
1

<p>Dear wise parents,</p>

<p>I've been accepted to a top LAC, and am very excited about going. I've been meeting a lot of future classmates through Facebook. In the same day, I got messaged by two girls wanting a quad, and another person who wanted to room with me. I didn't really talk to any of these people much, but was so excited about college, and that people actually wanted to room with me, that I agreed. Everyone agreed that the quad was to be substance free, and this was a major reason for my instantaneous decision.</p>

<p>I've gotten to know my potential roommate better now, but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with her. She's a wonderful, friendly person, but I'm apprehensive about rooming with her. I'm an international student, and come from an extremely conservative country, so life in the US is going to take some getting used to, anyway. My potential roommate says she's had boyfriends in the double digits, has problems with her mother and thus sometimes doesn't live at home, uses tons of makeup (I don't use any, this shouldn't really bother me - it does, though), has smoked a hookah with people she didn't know, and things like that. I AM NOT judging her as a person, she's really nice, but I don't feel very comfortable at the prospect of sharing a room with her. I really do think she's an awesome person.</p>

<p>Do you think I should wait and see how it all works out? I know opposites attract, variety is the spice of life, etc., but I'd rather stick with someone introverted and quiet like me in the first year. I know of another person I've talked to (more than I've talked to my potential roommate) that I'd love to room with, or I wouldn't mind Housing assigning me a roommate, because apparently the forms are pretty detailed (haven't gotten them yet.)</p>

<p>If I don't room with her (my parents are not comfortable with her at all, too, forgot to mention that.) - how do I tell her that now? "I'm sorry, I didn't know you when I accepted your request, I should've waited... now I'm not comfortable with you, and I don't want to room with you, but I'd like to be your friend" isn't going to work. :(</p>

<p>Thank you!</p>

2

<p>Does the school have any kind of international housing? You can tell the girl your parents (or the school) thought you should sign up for that. Or a language house? Or a double room. I have given my kids permission to "blame" me for anything they need to get out of, but can't think of any other gracious way to do so. I'll bet your parents would do the same!</p>

<p>I think your thoughts are right about not judging her too quickly or too harshly - one can use all the friends one can get! But you have learned enough to make you apprehensive about living together, and I think that's fair. Finding an option that gives you an "excuse" without needing to justify your decision is your best bet.</p>

3

<p>Could you maybe tell a little white lie and say your parents don't want to spring for a quad so you are sharing a double with this other girl? I know i, as a mom, don't mind being used as the 'bad guy' when needed by my kids.</p>

<p>oh - I cross posted with binx - looks like great minds think alike ;)</p>

4

<p>Quads are usually cheaper than doubles aren't they? I think blaming it on the parents sounds like a good idea. Actually sharing space with someone with double digit boyfriends is not much fun, I'd be leery too.</p>

5

<p>If you are worried she will change "you" by all means don't room together. On the other hand, you might change her a bit and she change you a bit..it's called growth. </p>

<p>As long as the room's ground rules are fair and agreed upon, things should be OK. You simply don't have to make the same choices as she does. </p>

<p>The biggest problem for most dormers is you are in a small space ALOT together and privacy comes in small batches. Even if it were your best friend in the world, you are going to have times where you really dislike that person because they are there, always there.... expect some agitation at times... just realize it may be from being 5 feet away from each other for the last 8 weeks. </p>

<p>Try it for a semester, meet new friends. If roomie doesn't work out, move at semester break.</p>

6

<p>
[quote]
Quads are usually cheaper than doubles aren't they

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I was thinking of my Ds school where Quads are suites with 4 sharing and are more expensive than traditional dorms with 2 sharing. OPs school may be quite different in which case my suggestion will not work - but the principal behind it - make the parents the bad guys - still stands.</p>

7

<p>Thanks a lot! </p>

<p>My parents have given me their permission to make them the "bad guys" too. I'm trying to think of ideas, though. I don't think I explained the situation clearly enough.</p>

<p>The other two girls wanted the quad. My potential roommate, (let's just call her X) said she wanted to room with me specifically. So, even if I say I don't want to live in the quad, there's a strong possibility that she might want to move with me, because she didn't have a preference on where she wanted to live. The other two did. There is a program house I'd like to live in, so I could say that (a quad costs the same as a double) - but it doesn't really solve the problem.</p>

<p>Opie ofMaybery2, I don't think she'll change me. I know I can adjust to a roommate like that if I absolutely have to, and I know I'll learn from her. But I do have a choice, and I already have a lot to adjust to. I would love to be friends with her, and maybe even live with her later, but I would rather stick to someone I'm comfortable with, and who's a little bit more like me for the first semester / year.</p>

<p>So yeah, how do I tell her? Thank you for all your responses again.</p>

8

<p>Just tell her that your parents found out that someone who is a friend of a friend will be attending and the 2 sets of parents got together and decided the 2 of you would share a room together. This just happened. Now, you are stuck. Sorry!</p>

9

<p>At my D's top LAC Res Life stressed their questionaire and strongly suggested that students wait for their housing assignments. She asked someone on Facebook to room with her and she politely declined, citing this housing policy as her reason. D liked the roommate and is still gooed friends with other girl. Since you have already accepted, this is a little stickier. However, you can say you've had a change of heart and want to wait for your housing assignment, your parents want you to wait for your housing assignment, or I do think you could be honest by saying "I reallly like you and don't want to risk our friendship, but I'm really conservative and I don't think we'd make good roommates, though I do think we'd make wonderful friends."</p>

10

<p>You could say your parents have insisted that you go through the housing questionnaire and assignments and not room with someone you met online. Say that you have chosen to respect their wishes and that you don't mind really because while you like her and would have liked rooming with her, you think it isn't such a bad idea to go through the normal housing assignment process. Given that your parents are so adamant about it (lay that on if you need to), you have decided to go that route. </p>

<p>I also agree with many others that you shouldn't room with this girl. I understand that in the excitement of being admitted and meeting some "friends" online you agreed to a rooming situation. But the random rooming assignment might work better and the school does take certain criteria into affect. Already you have some vibes that this roomie situation isn't the greatest match up and so why do it. I know you feel an obligation to her but it is early enough to back out and it is not like she is in limbo because most freshmen expect to get assigned a roomie. This would be different if it was for later years of school and you had agreed to room with a friend and everyone had been matched up and then you left her in a lurch. But this is not that situation. Also, she is not exactly a close friend and you haven't truly ever met or spent time with her. You can still be friends. Tell her that you are so glad you have met friends like her in advance online and that you can't wait to meet her when you get to school.</p>

<p>Who you choose as a friend and who you choose as a roomie are often not the same.</p>