So I’ll try to keep it short. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and a half. I have a great relationship with his parents, sometimes even better than the one I have with my own dad. Well, today I screwed up. I wasn’t thinking and when I went over there I let myself in. My boyfriend knew I was coming over so it wasn’t like it was unannounced. They have a code to unlock the door that I know (from instances like him asking me to unlock the door and open it if he’s carrying something) so I used that. Their lock is a little tough so I never got the door open and my boyfriend opened it for me. After i left, his step dad yelled at him about me knowing the door code. Looking back, letting myself in was very stupid and rude. I clearly wasn’t thinking. I apologized to my boyfriend and made it clear I will NEVER do that again. Is there anything more I can do? I want to apologize personally to his step dad but again I don’t want to bring it back up if it’s already smoothed over since I won’t be back for a few days. And I decided to steer clear for a while. I feel so bad my boyfriend got in trouble for this
Edit: I’m sorry this in high school life. I don’t know how to change that
Give his step dad time to cool off and then personally apologize. That is all that is in your power.
You made a mistake. You have a great relationship with the parents and with having a kid of their own, know mistakes are made.
Just own up to it and be sincere. That is all that is in your power. Don’t beat yourself up. You recognize your mistake and want to make amends.
I agree with Thelma2.
I agree it would be appropriate to apologize to the stepfather yourself. But also keep in mind that you’re not the one he is upset with. He is upset with your boyfriend for giving out a “key.” If you know the code because he’s had you use it before, who knows how many other people he has had do the same. It is not the same as handing you his key, you using it, and handing it back.
Perhaps use this as a learning experience - for both you and his parents. Perhaps the lock has a guest code function, where a temporary code can be limited to a specific number of uses. If they set a guest code, your boyfriend could have you or someone else use THAT code, and then set a new temporary code, rather than divulging the main code. Tell them you would like to be able to be helpful, unlocking the door in such circumstances, without putting their sense of security at risk. Show them you want to be part of the solution, rather than part of the problem.
Of course, you could also avoid such a situation by holding things while HE opens the door, instead.
@Overworked23: You are right in stating that you messed up. This is a learning experience for all parties involved. If that is the worst lapse of judgment that you make in this relationship, then I expect that you will have an excellent relationship for its duration.
@Overworked23 I agree with the replies above. The stepfather is rightfully angry. You should not know the code to their home unless the owners gave it to you. In addition, your boyfriend should not have shared it for the very reason that you could get too comfortable and try to walk in. That is water under the bridge now so apologize sincerely and directly and the next time he goes to enter it, look the other way
The good news is that it is very easy to change the lock code–therefore this is a learning experience without any long term harm.
When you apologize, you may want to say “you’ve made me feel so welcome, I totally overstepped the limits.” It acknowledges their kindness to you while also saying you are sorry for what you did wrong. (And explains why you want to make it right.)