I offended my roommates? Am I being unreasonable?

Student Lounge College Life
1

To start off, I’m a senior and my two roommates are sophomores and best friends with each other.

My two roommates and I each have our own laundry days. (I do mine on Wednesdays and Sundays) I noticed whenever I’m about to dry my clothes, there are almost always clothes left in the dryer (hours after they’ve been done). I usually just move them to the washer so I can put my clothes in the dryer. The first time this happened, I placed my roommate’s clothes on the couch.

She texted me and said she’d prefer that I tell her to get her clothes rather than me moving them myself.

On a Wednesday night around 7:40ish I texted her and asked “Hey, is that your laundry in the dryer?”

She said, “Yes I’ll move them when I get back from work, but I don’t get home from work until 10 pm .”

I said, “Well, I already moved them to the washer so I could dry my things .”

She says, “I’d rather them not be moved to the washer and I was hoping you could wait until I come home as I don’t want them on the couch either, but you can put them on the couch tonight .”

Fast forward to Sunday

I’m about to wash my clothes and I notice someone’s clothes are in the dryer again.

I post in the roommate group me

“Hey, let’s remember to remove our laundry once we are done, before other peoples’ laundry days. That way we won’t have to worry about moving/touching each other’s things”

My roommate (the same one) asked, “Are clothes in there right now?”

I said “yes the dryer”

Her: “Oh okay, all you had to do was say that lol. You can just put them on the couch. Thanks. Also, those dishes have been there a while? Could you do those as we don’t want to attract rodents?”

Me: “Yeah, I already washed them”

Fast forward to today

So I washed my silverware and I saw that one of my roommates left their UNDERWEAR soaking in the KITCHEN sink. Personally, I feel that underwear should only be washed in a bathroom sink. I have never seen this happen before until today.

I post in the group me

“Hey, there’s underwear in the kitchen sink. Could someone remove it?”

one of my roommates LEAVES the group me

The other one (same one leaving laundry): “Hey I will remove my stuff when I get home. They’re clean. I just spilled something on them and I washed out the stain”

Me: “Ok in the future could you do that in the bathroom sink or tub?”

Her: “It’s not your side of the sink”

Me: “It’s the kitchen…”

Her: “It’s not your side of the sink”

Later in the conversation:

Me: “Ok, but if it’s my assigned laundry day, I have every right to remove your clothes from the dryer so I can do my laundry. Either set a timer so you remove your clothes on time, or don’t get annoyed if I have to move your clothes because you left them in for hours on my laundry day.”

Her: “No, you do not have a right to do that. I don’t touch yours, so you don’t touch mine. I’d advise you not to. We already established what to do with laundry Please don’t text me again unless you want to ask me to do something. I’ll do what I need to do and you do what you need to do. period.”

2

It sounds like the problem is about more than laundry.

But for the laundry… Take her clothes out of the dryer. Put them in a laundry basket while you dry yours. Return them to the dryer when you are done. You could ask your roommate if swapping days with you would help, but it’s not clear that anyone is actually committed to making this work.

3

I agree no more texting anyone about laundry. get a basket or bag to put them in when they are in your way.As a matter of fact, I would let them know that anytime its your day and you see someone else’s clothes in the dryer or washing machine you will remove it and put it in the basket/bag. Underwear in the kitchen sink is gross. Even clean ones. I agree that should be in the bathroom. However, I know lots of people who bath their babies in the kitchen sink so I guess there is a difference in opinion as to what is gross.

4

Why would you take clothes from the dryer and put them in the washer?

Be a nice roommate and fold them and put into a laundry basket. No it isn’t your job but it is nice.

5

Or, just put her clothes on top of the dryer and proceed to dry your stuff. She can fluff and fold her clothes when she gets to it.

6

I can’t put them on top of the dryer because the dryer is on top of the washer and they are in a closet. (if that makes sense?) I was moving her stuff to the washer because she didn’t want them on the couch. I like the idea of the laundry basket but I don’t think I should have to fold her stuff as I am not her mother and I think she should be doing that since she’s an adult.
Also, my roommate has made it clear that she doesn’t want me to move her stuff at all. She literally told me one day that she hoped I would wait until she got off work (after 10 pm on a school night-my laundry day) so she could remove her clothes.

7

It seems your roommate is giving you conflicting messages about what she doesn’t want. I’d have one last in person conversation and let her know that if it’s your laundry day and her clothes are left in the dryer they’d be moved to the couch. If she doesn’t want that she needs to remove them on her laundry day. And yes, underwear left in kitchen sink (or bathroom sink for hours- just put them in a bucket) is gross.

8

I’m glad there wasn’t texting when I had roommates.

9

No, I wouldn’t be folding her laundry either.

10

UPDATE: (This was last night when I sent it)
I sent her this: “I won’t have to touch it, if you just take it out when you’re done. If I don’t want to wait until 10 pm to dry my clothes (because you decide to leave them there), I don’t have to.”

She responded: “I already told you to stop talking to me so I don’t know why you felt the need to respond. Nobody is telling you what to do so keep your little snarky comments to yourself and don’t try to tell me what to do. I’m blocking you so don’t even bother responding. If you need something you can reach me via group me.”

Goodness

11

You were told to stop texting about it by your roommate and by commenters here. What more do you think will be said here. Put the laundry somewhere temporarily so you can do yours and then put it back, fold it or don’t do your laundry. You have multiple choices.

12

I know I’m old and farty and stuff but when I have an issue I speak to people face to face.

13

You asked if you are being unreasonable. Maybe not, but you are going to have a miserable year if you all can’t get along about laundry. Seems like there are also issues about doing the dishes and that you all have different sides of the sink assigned.

Really, just a miserable way to live bickering about chores.

Just do what you want to do. If they continue to leave the laundry in your way, just move it. But whether you have offended your roommates? yes, you have.

14

We kind of laugh about Sheldon’s 30 page+ roommate agreement, but it is not such a bad idea to set out basic ground rules (e.g. housekeeping/cleaning duties; shared expenses; guests; use of common areas; noise/music/light, etc…) before anyone starts rooming together, strangers and friends. That way the rules are set dispassionately before emotions intrude.

15

I would quit texting her. If there are clothes in the dryer when you’re doing laundry put them in a basket or on a towel on the couch until you’re done. Then put them back in the dryer since that seems to be where she wants them. Why tell her every time you move them?

It sounds like there’s more going on with all of you than laundry (dishes being left, issues with sides of the sink, etc.). Do you guys talk in person at all? Using a group chat, or email, to criticize someone isn’t a great way to make friends or impress colleagues. Using one to say, hey, can we all remember to…" when what you mean is, “Amy, would you please remember to…” is a little on the passive aggressive side. Pick your battles and maybe try not to point out every time they make a mistake. If you do feel like you need to discuss something with one of them then go talk directly to them. A group chat won’t solve anything.

16

We lived in a place where a few snots would put laundry (wet or dry) on the floor. Adults. And that was if you weren’t there when the buzzer went off.

OP can decide what to do and just do it. Nothing evil.

17

I think that it’s past time that there is a general meeting of all the roommates and you should all agree upon basic ground rules.

For example - anybody who does laundry leaves a clothes basket near the washer dryer. If they aren’t on the house premises when a load is finished, any other roommate who wished to use the washer dryer should but the clothes into the basked and set it aside, preferably with a short note, and, of course with their own basket nearby.

You are all old enough to discuss these things, and decide on rules by which everybody will abide.

18

My first question is why are you living with two sophomores who are best friends as a senior? Have you had past roommate problems?

While your roommate should take her laundry out on time, it also seems that you are coming across as constant nagging by text. Talk to your roommates in person – come from the angle of wanting to create a situation you can all live with comfortably rather than complaining. If you can’t agree, see if you can find another living situation for your last semester. Can you get a single?

19

Hey OP, I think your expectations are perfectly reasonable. And letting her know that if they are in your way you are going to move them, is also perfectly reasonable (yes, the texting is getting crazy and yes, sounds like lots of bickering and an overall bad situation). Now she says don’t talk to her and only contact her through a groupme? Yikes.

I think if I were you I would just move them to a basket. Don’t talk to her about it. Her asking you not to touch is not right if her clothes are in your way, on your day. I wouldn’t fold them…first of all she doesn’t want you touching them in the first place and second of all, she is being inconsistent and bratty and inconsiderate of your need to do laundry. And honestly given this situation folding them would be downright weird.

Honestly things just sound really bad with the roommate…texting isn’t solving anything and it just doesn’t sound like any in person communication is going to happen. I guess do what you can to let their brattiness roll off your shoulders. Focus on things besides your bad roommate situation, if you can.

And yes putting underwear in the kitchen sink is disgusting and not to mention a complete inconvenience to make the kitchen sink unusable for anyone else!

20

This is when you just start leaving them on the couch. She told you to stop texting her, ok, so stop texting her. Just do your thing, and if she gets mad then tell her she told you to stop texting her so you couldn’t tell her about it.