Your parents are absolutely correct in forcing you to leave the nest. You need to go away to college to grow up. You show this in your post- see comments about “hate”. A mature teen will see the extra wok for your parents to parents with your proposal. So many little things you likely are unaware of. Commuting- that should mean having your own car and parking it where it does not interfere with your parents’ ability to move their own cars. They should not be needing to consider the food you eat and stuff you use when shopping and cooking every day. If you decide to do your own shopping, cooking, laundry et al they should not need to lend you a car or accommodate your use of the kitchen or appliances. Add in your share of the utilities. And so forth. We love our kids but it is a lot less work when they are not part of the household.
You also do not realize all that goes on outside the classroom. A college friend walked to campus and missed out on so many evening/late evening hanging out deciding the fate of the world and far sillier times. We couldn’t go ring her doorbell at ten pm either to ask her to join us. You are lucky they don’t want you to stay (disclosure- it was the best college option by far instate).
I’m suspecting there’s more to the story than what I’m hearing. This argument always goes in reverse. Is the local university a private school? If so, THAT would explain why your parents are so anxious NOT to send you there. If it’s a private school, it’s really not a local school. There’s no state boundaries, which makes it a national school that just happens to be nearby. Those schools cost a lot more than they’re worth for a bachelors degree.
You mentioned you’re not comfortable going to a large school. It means the other school is the affordable public school. Of course they’re going to send you there! Here’s the thing, your parents are paying for it, so you go where they send you. Big or small, you’re there to get an education, and the experience will be good for you.
Thanks to everyone who offered helpful advice. I’m reached out to my parents and we decided on a compromise. I realize that I let my anger and frustration get the better of me. I obviously don’t hate my parents!!
Sometimes as parents it’s our job to push our children out of their comfort zone. From potty training to college selection, sometimes it’s necessary to make them uncomfortable because they really do need to spread their wings a little.
My guess is that it’s one of those times. You don’t have to agree with your parents. But you might consider toning down the “hate” and considering their point of view. That’s what an adult does-- tries to pull the emotion out of the situation and consider why someone he respects feels as he does.
Take some of the emotion out of the topic of college selection. Look at the Ben Franklin method of decision making, which is to write down pros and cons of each decision. Have you nailed down the cost differential? Have you nailed down the difference in quality of education? Respectfully, try to understand your parents’ point of view with the facts written down in front of you. Ask them to explain to you their reasoning and don’t try to give feedback at all. Then think about what they say and decide what to do next, which may include asking them to talk with you where they try to understand your reasoning. Based on what you have said, I’m not sure you understand their reasoning or they understand yours.
You say you hate your parents but it sounds to me like you have helicopter parents who think they know what is best for you. I suffer from the malady of helicopter parenting and try hard to understand and respect my kids’ opinions and choices. We don’t have a tug of war over differences of opinions because we have talks, and we as parents only insist on a few things. It was heartbreaking, but we did tell one child she could not attend the college of her choice. We had a very valid reason. She wanted to be an English major and the college only had 12 graduates per year who majored in English. The college was not a place to major in English. You may find that your parents have reasons of which you are not aware. Good luck.
From other posts, the parents wanted him to attend the flagship and dorm there, whereas the OP wanted to stay at home and attend the smaller less prestigious public university nearby. I hope the OP returns to describe the compromise reached.
I am glad that it isn’t really hate going on, and that communication has improved. I know that many parents can share some of the blame when communication breaks down, and emotion gets ahead of us.
College is more than just studying. It is dealing with roommates who are weird. It is adjusting to having freedom and learning to be an adult. It is going to Taco Bell at 2 am just because. It is pep rallies and smores and football games and wearing t-shirts that proclaim you go there. It is rolling out of bed at 7:30 and jogging across campus to get to class on time. It is thinking outside the box and seeing ideas in a way you never thought of before. It is the first apartment and paying the light bill and griping at the cable guy. Most of all, it is generally a safe place to become independent and I think that is what great parents want for their children. Parents generally want the best for their kids. If they are paying, then honor their wishes.
