My parents are the most stubborn people I’ve ever dealt with. I got into a couple of colleges that were in state. I really didn’t ever want to dorm, in my perfect college life I wanted to live at home and commute everyday I had a class so that I would be able to save money. I really respect my parents because I’ve seen them work hard my whole life, and I constantly listen to them talking about how they want to buy a house. However when it came to deciding on where to go for college I really lost a lot of respect for them. I pressured me into going to a school that offered the same education as the school closer to my hometown and forced me to dorm there even though my father works fairly close to the university (12-15 mins), and he commutes and 1 everyday for work. Since my older cousins all graduated from this same university and turned out successful my parents assume that I will do the same. However they aren’t listening to what I want, after all I am the one who is going to be closer to home and saving them a ton of money by commuting. I’ve told them numerous times that I am not comfortable at such a big University and I am worried about the cost buy everything that I say they have an answer ready. Am I wrong for hating on my parents??? Please help!!!
Yes - you’re wrong
Part of a parent’s job is to have their children become independent. College is one way to do this…the student moves out, but still has much support at college. They are saying they value your independence more than money. They are investing in you. Study hard, do well, graduate, and then you can move wherever you want.
You hate your parents because they are paying for you to have a college education and are encouraging you to become more independent?
Are you already at this college? Or are you a HS senior planning to head to college fall 2019?
I think that instead of the word “hate” you may want to try the phrase “so angry with” as in “I’m so angry with my parents.”
You may also want to try: “I’m so scared of going to the big university” if that’s how you feel.
Here’s why: those phrases will elicit more help from the world. The word “hate” alienates your social support – the social support that you’re reaching for on the internet from strangers.
A more measured tone may help you get the advice and support that you need. “I’m so angry and frustrated with my parents that I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have advice for me? etc.”
Will you be working while you’re in college? Do you receive work study? There are ways that you can thank your parents and reduce the financial burden outside of living at home.
Commuting is not always the cheapest option in time or in money. Even if your father works 15 minutes away, the carpooling may become inconvenient, the gas expensive, and the mileage not worth it. That’s not even the additional expenses of food and such while you live at home.
I lived at home for a year of college, and the dynamic changes quite a bit once you’re an adult living at home. There will be times You’ll want to stay out with friends, play loud music, and generally be drifting away from your parents and their rules. There may be conflict between you and your parents, but no matter what your relationship will change as you get older.
Independence is important. Being responsible for yourself is something you must learn. Freshman year is the time for a lot of mistakes, adjustment, and growth. Much easier without mom and dad physically around—though they’ll still be there.
Next year, you can always get an apartment off campus with friends as that’s usually cheaper than the dorm life.
I suggest meeting with a counselor to discuss your fears about being at a big university ASAP. And read some of the threads at the top of the “college life” forum.
First of all take a deep breath- how long have you even been at college? A few days? From reading some of your other threads you seem to have high anxiety about going away to school. This is why your parents made you live on campus. The truth is you need this separation! You can be angry all you want, but also try to move past that and find some positives about college! Go out to events, join clubs, get to know people in your dorm.
You should also find a counselor to talk to, as suggested above.
So many kids would be so glad for this and have the opposite problem that their parents won’t let them leave home. I for one don’t get your attitude.
@OhWhatsHerName I agree on the costs – yes i pay for room/board for the kids but our food bill is much lower, and just car insurance is costing me $700 a year less for each of them.
Yes.
Counseling may help.
I agree that your wrong to hate your parents. While not everyone can afford to live on campus I have a feeling your parents can afford it or they would be grateful that you are willing to commute. I’m a bit confused but are you a college freshman this year? Did you just move in? Is it getting better now that your on campus? I think many students are a bit anxious about living with strangers etc but often once you are there the anxiety improves. If you have just moved in you can try talking to residential life (your RA or whatever name your school uses) or counseling for help.
Your parents probably know that you need that push. They want you to be more independent and feel you won’t grow enough by commuting. Sometimes the fun of living on campus goes way beyond class time and they might feel they don’t want you to miss out on that. Some things are just spontaneous like a snowball fight when it starts snowing at 8pm. Your parents may feel you need the nudge. I sense more anxiety/fear etc from you but no reason to hate your parents.
Rayfusion - I’m going to disagree with the other posters. I don’t think you should hate your parents, but I am sad they aren’t listening to your wants/needs.
My daughter is the same way and the thought of living in the dorm was horrible to her (as it is to me, too!). She got into our flagship school, (which is local to us), lives at home and commutes. She is learning independence in a different way…she drives to the train/bus station and has to navigate the system there, etc. She keeps to her schedule. Just because she lives at home doesn’t mean I’m coordinating her life. She gets up on her own and leaves. I’m not waking her up telling her 'don’t be late for class".
Both my husband and I commuted to college as well and I’ve never once regretted not having the “college experience” others seem to think is so important. We are successful, happy people.
About hating your parents: I hope you don’t. I’m sure they are really trying to make the right decision. It’s hard being a parent and knowing what the right thing to do is. It appears they can afford the dorms and are probably thinking once you get there, you’ll love it. I wish you all the best in whatever happens!
You don’t hate your parents. In fact you say you respect them in your post at one point. You hate the choice they are pushing you into. Seems like you need to talk. They are pushing based on what they think is best, you want a choice that you think is best and will safe them money. Getting on the same page will help all of you. Think love, not hate.
I didn’t read a post by a kid who hates their parents, but rather a very angry kid who’s scared to death of being pushed out of their comfort zone (home). Your parents think you can handle it and will grow from the experience and you don’t think you can. I still think you should give it a try, at least for your first year. Then, if you wish, having proved you CAN be independent but would rather live at home as a choice (not an obligation because you can’t do anything else but because, having tried both, you decided you’d rather do one than the other), then you can defend that choice.
You state you want to save money by staying home. Are you paying for college? Also as we told our kids when going away to college. It’s not just about you. They (we) have needs and wants also. Playing parents is a tough thing. Maybe they want you out of the house so they can live their life also again. Maybe they want more freedom. We are people too. With our kids out of the house(both in college) we don’t have to worry about my vegetarian (most days) daughter meals and my 100 % opposite son’s meals (can I have a hamburger like their is nothing else on earth to eat). We can relax and make whatever we want to. This is just one small example… As stated you staying at home might not actually be saving them as much as you might think. Also don’t worry that they want to buy a house. One job of a parent is sacrificing for our kids. Also they want to provide an education for you with true college experiences. This gives them pleasure. If you have anxiety or other issues about going away to college talk with your parents and seek help. If your at school seek out help. Tons of students are in the same boat as you. Get the help you need and good luck.
This sure is a twist.
Usually it’s the student who wants to spend more and go farther away.
I think you know the answer to your “am I wrong?” question.
It sounds like you have loving parents who want what is best for you.
Good money management doesn’t always come down to the least expensive choice.
Sometimes it involves taking a little risk to invest in yourself.
No parent makes all the correct decisions when raising their offspring. They can only do their best based upon their life experiences and reasoning. Most care a ton even when they disagree. They’re making their best guess.
If you want to see bad parenting - hate worthy bad decisions - feel free to come to my school and I can introduce you to some students who can truly make that claim. As a warning, their stories will tear your heart.
Fortunately, most parents don’t even remotely fall into that category and yours sure don’t. It might help to put your problem into perspective… What you make of your college studies and experience is all up to you. Your parents are giving you a very good opportunity even if it’s not your ideal one. You can still do just fine if you decide to do it.
You need a new mindset.
I was scared of going to a large university also but my sister pointed out that even the largest of universities are not that large in reality.
Every day you see exactly the same people–in your dorm, in your classroom (you’ll end up sitting by the same people), even on the street you’ll see the same kids since class periods will change at the same time.
I’ll bet no matter what size city you live in, it feels comfortable–say you live in a small town of 75K people. I’d put odds on that it doesn’t seem that big–you don’t meet all 75K. You know your parents, you know your friends at HS, the people you work with. You even use the same grocery store.
It’s the SAME at college. You’ll have your own room to come to, you’ll meet your neighbors, you’ll know your new friends, you’ll know your professors and some students in classes (the people you’ll be working with), you go to the same buildings each day on a schedule. And the best part is–everyone is young and doing the same thing–you’ll have much in common right off the bat.
Most EVERYBODY hates change. I certainly do! I’ve never gotten a new job or moved anywhere that I wasn’t uncomfortable at first. But I know that about myself so I’ve come to learn that I’ll eventually get over it and be fine. I give myself time to adjust. You should too.
I applaud your parents for giving you the chance to live at college. They know it’s a great growing and learning experience and want that for you. I know it’s scary but so worth it.
Full disclosure - Haven’t read the whole post . Regardless of what you’re feeling, understand this:
Your parents have done something you haven’t and truly can’t until you’re a parent. They have sacrificed and put their own needs WAY BEHIND your needs for your entire existence. That’s a long time to be selfless. You ought to try it sometime. That’s when boys become men and girls become women. Also, they have wisdom form being on planet earth much longer than you. You’d be wise to tap into that from time to time.