This past August I started college. The summer leading up to my move in day, I felt no anxiety. I was so beyond excited to start my new journey and to be independent. However, the months that I have spent at college have not been what I was expecting. Being away from my family has been insanely difficult for me. Every time I think of someone or something from home, I burst into tears. My anxiety has gotten really bad as well. I now have had a few anxiety attacks. I can’t remember the last time where I was able to totally shut my mind off. There is no where at school where I feel comfortable. With all these bad things I can say though that I do love the school. I love the people I’ve meet, my professors, the spirit and traditions at the school. I love all these things but can never find myself being able to enjoy them because of the anxiety I feel. I so badly want to spend next semester home and go to the community college near my home. I just need time to regroup. Every time I think about doing this my spirit gets lifted a little. However, I feel like a failure. So many people go to college without any troubles so why am I having so many? I’m scared I’ll never return to my university and just be stuck in a dead end job living a meaningless life. But at the same time I don’t know how long I can keep on feeling this way.
Have you been to the campus health service? Make an appointment to talk to a counselor there as soon as you can. They see a lot of students with homesickness and anxiety.
You’re home now for Thanksgiving I imagine. This might be the ideal time to talk to mom and dad about tranferring to a school that would allow you to commute from home— possibly as early as January.
Have the talk and see how you feel. There’s no shame to living at home and commuting to college. It’s not about being a failure, and it’s not about anyone else. This is about you and your comfort level.
Yes I have been to the counseling center and I did do a five week “treatment program” for anxiety but it didn’t really do much.
5 weeks is not enough time. Keep going. Meanwhile, read this pinned post: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
You will be home for the holidays soon. You like you r college, you like your classes and you have friends. Stop dwelling on the non-permanance of your situation. You aren’t being ripped from your home and family. They will always be there for you. There are many anti-anxiety techniques you can try to help you cope with those feelings. Keep going to counseling because it’s not going to hurt you. You can also see a doctor and find out if maybe anti-anxiety medicine might be a good idea. Leaving a college that you claim you really like just doesn’t seem very sensible. I do think if you leave to go to the local community college, that may not make you happy either.
So sorry to her this, the adjustment is challenging and is exacerbating some underlying anxiety. Sounds like you should see your doctor at home and consider trying an antidepressant. Take Care.
@addyprice I do not have much to add to what @Lindagaf said. I second her sentiments. In addition I am sending you Cyber Hugs. Anxiety is Real. Please do not buy into the hype that anxiety is all in your head, or you have to be stronger. Seek help, and be patient with the process.
Congratulations on acceptance to the college you are attending and good luck!
Try a therapist who practices cognitive behavior therapy. It is research based and works. Stop trying to look at the big picture. Take one day at a time. Get up, do why you can that day, go to bed. Get up the next day. Keep up academically. At the end of the day, doing well academically preserves your options.
Remember you miss your family because you were one of the lucky ones to grow up in a loving family. Your family misses you too. Everyone, you and your family, is required to try to be brave to get through this process of you building your own adult life. It’s a process. It takes time. It’s painful and involves grieving your childhood. It takes starting to notice and celebrate the positives that you will gradually gain as you individuate. It’s okay to text or talk with your family everyday if you need to. My daughter is a senior in college, she goes to school very far away from us because we live overseas. She and I text everyday, twice a day. It’s the way it has evolved for us. It helps us stay connected and miss each other a little less. However, even after three plus years we still have days when we miss each other terribly (like Thanksgiving).
You can do this!
Update: Break ends today and classes start back up again tomorrow. I really don’t know if I can do it. I only have three weeks left in the semester and everyone is telling me to stick it out but I really don’t know. My anxiety is really bad and I’ve become depressed because of it. I seriously have no motivation to do anything. I haven’t slept in days and I’m so tired.
Are you on any medication for your anxiety? If not, it sounds like it is time to start some, if only to get through the rest of the semester. I would go straight to the university health center when you get back and explain what you’ve tried so far and what you need.
At this point your situation is compounded by lack of sleep and inability to view the situation in any other light. From the outside, it seems like a very manageable situation, but anxiety and depression can block one’s ability to see that. This sounds like more than simple anxiety to me and I think that you need help in getting through these last few weeks. Please let your advisor know what’s going on too. Best wishes. I am sorry that you’re going through this.
Are you in treatment for your anxiety? If not, you need to be - see a doctor pronto. I do mean now. You go to class tomorrow? Go see someone in the urgent mental health services at your student health center tomorrow.
See if you can get through the next three weeks. Get up, go to class, do the work - go on auto pilot. All while doing your treatment. Just get through the next three weeks. If that’s absolutely impossible, talk to your professors and to your advisor. See if you can submit the work from home, or get incompletes in your classes for medical reasons.
Talk to your school about getting a leave of absence for next semester. Do not return until your health issues are under control. During your LOA, you’re in treatment. If you feel you can handle it, you can also take classes at a local college, so you can continue to make progress toward your degree - but if that’s not realistic for you right now, then don’t do it. You can also look into transferring to a school closer to home, or one you can commute to from home.
You have severe health issues right now which are getting worse. Get into treatment now. And if what’s best for you is to transfer to a college near home, then do it.
As a parent, here is my advice:
Tell yourself that you are allowed to not go back to school next semester. Or that you can go to Community college.
BUT you HAVE to finish this semester. Why? So you won’t have a terrible GPA because you failed classes.
Facetime your mom every night if you want to. But finish those classes. Its only 3 weeks. You can do this.
Today,make an appointment with a psychiatrist (or have your mom do it) . At least when you get home from college if not now… You may need to go on medication for anxiety.
I agree with talking to Dean of Students or Disability office about your anxiety…tell them you want to make it through the semester but may need some accommodations.
Just get through this semester, and then you can figure out what you want to do. College will be there for you.
Work wtih the dean of students if you need to take a leave of absence. But having a good gpa will give you the most options for the future.
And realize that this happens to many college students…don’t feel like you failed or disappointed anyone…regroup next semester and then figure out what works FOR YOU.
You got this.
If there is anything stopping from doing anything that we suggested…then have a friend/mom/trusted person help you do it. My daughter has anxiety and I know that anxiety can stop you from getting help with anxiety. But i also know you can work around it by getting help from people you feel comfortable with. For example, she knew she needed a tutor. But she felt too anxious to do that. So she got a friend to go with her. Once she did that, she felt comfortable with the tutoring center.
Anxiety is extremely common. You will find the counseling center full of kids trying to deal with their anxiety. It sounds like your anxiety is beyond normal and possibly a mental illness. Only a trained therapist/doctor can determine this and what trhe best treatment would be.
If you are diagonise with a mental illness then a five week treatment program is not enough. It is likely you will be dealing with this for years if not the rest of your life.
Now the good news. This illness can be sucessfully treated. Unfortunately it takes time. Some just need therapy, some will also need medication. You need to discuss with your doctor/therapist/family if taking a semester off would be wise. My daughter ended up taking a year off to stabilize and start treatment. Best decesion she ever made. She is still battling anxiety but she did go back and graduate and has a job she loves. She still suffers anxiety but is coping and improving. This is not the end of the world but a road bump. A serious one but one that can be recovered from.
Good luck.
It’s OK to leave.
It’s OK to not “stick it out.”
It’s OK to need to take a break.
It’s OK to want to take a semester off and regroup so you can feel better.
I suffered from anxiety and depression throughout college and graduate school, and still battle it (in milder forms and with better coping mechanisms) as a working adult. I still see a therapist. Three weeks feels like an eternity. “Just getting out of bed and getting through it” can be a physical or psychological impossibility. I remember being wrapped under the covers in my bed unable to stop staring at a single point in the wall, much less move; and going days without eating much or sleeping or doing much else besides just lying there. It’s so, so difficult to explain to people how completely awful and immobilizing it is if they haven’t experienced it themselves.
You do not have to finish this semester. First of all, there’s a such thing as a medical withdrawal; it’s possible for a student facing health challenges to withdraw without damaging their GPA. You can also take incompletes and make up the work later. Second of all, even if you go to class, you’re not really there; you can’t concentrate, and any work that you do may not be high quality anyway. I tried to stick it out in a class after medically withdrawing from two others and I failed it because I wasn’t mentally ready to do the work in it. I wish I had dropped it and tried again later.
But most importantly, your mental health is way more important than your GPA. Nothing is as important as you. You can recover from a tanked GPA if you have to - people do it all the time. (I did!)
The one thing you need to focus on actually motivating yourself to do is going to the counseling center. That’s it. Start there. Go to the counseling center and ask for help. If you can’t make it out of bed or your dorm room to go to the counseling center, call your RA on the duty phone number. Tell them what you’ve told us. They will know what to do.
Thank you everyone for the support. I did make it through finals with a good GPA so that’s a positive. I did start medication for my anxiety which has helped. I’m on winter break right now and I would like to go back to my university, I’m just so terrified. I’m terrified of feeling anxious 24/7 and then feeling sad and depressed because of how anxious I feel. My class load is a lot more than it was last semester and I’m scared I won’t be able to handle the work and the anxiety. However, I don’t want to go to community college for a semester and start all over and then go back to my university next fall and start all over again. I don’t want to loose all the friends I have made. I’m just so beyond conflicted.
Take one day at a time. Baby steps. It’s overwhelming to think so far down the road. You need to give yourself permission to think more short term. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself which is adding to your anxiety. Small victories will lead to strengthening your resolve. I applaud your courage for getting help and being aware of your limitations. Take some deep breaths and take it slow. Don’t be afraid to ask for more help if you need it. Good luck to you!
So give it a shot, knowing you can always come home.
Consider dropping one of those courses, giving yourself some breathing room.
“I’m terrified of feeling anxious 24/7 and then feeling sad and depressed because of how anxious I feel. My class load is a lot more than it was last semester and I’m scared I won’t be able to handle the work and the anxiety.”
Be sure to talk to your therapist about this. “Anxious about anxiety” can be worked on. Fear of fear. For many kids worried about this, it helps to be guided through an inventory of your strengths and resilience. The wins you do have. And to plan how you can bounce back, if you stumble. It can help to find the aspects of yourself that you do trust.
Best wishes.
I really do think that I need a semester at home and go to community college to cope with my anxiety and to get back on my feet a little. It would help me a lot if people could tell me their own stories of taking a break and how it helped them. I’m just so scared of making the wrong decision.
I took a semester break. Not for anxiety, but was doubting my direction. Worked fine. But I learned college was where I wanted to be and went back energized.
You wouldn’t need to take cc classes. But you need to explore how your college does this.
First, consider an easier course load. One of mine kept overloading and that was an issue. She was swimming upstream. Discovered her right major and her whole view changed.