I apologize for the long post. I am looking for advice, but I also need to vent a little.
I am a sophomore at a small school in New England, about to finish my third semester. I have never loved it here, but I never hated it. I am starting to realize now that I really do not like it, and that it may be too late to do anything about it.
I am not from New England and did not love this school when I toured it, I only went to this school because my parents heard they had a great support system for kids with learning disabilities, which I do. Ironically, I dont even need the support system, my parents were just over worried I think. My point is that I am one of the only kids at this school not from New England, and I think that is part of why I do not like it. I have a friend who is also not from the area, and he mentioned that he thinks the people from this area are just different then from where we’re from. I have to say I agree with him.
There also is really just nothing special about this school. The school is almost all white people (I am white too, but I prefer diversity). It is by no means a good school, so I also think my degree isn’t going to be very impressive or anything (I got into much better schools, but, again, went here for the learning disability support.) It is always cold, people are dull (the people I hang out with just like to get high and sit around all day). The parties are nothing special, just a bunch of drunk people crammed in a small house. I just don’t like the dynamic of the school. Nobody outside of the state has heard of it, and I don’t like that. I always pictured myself going to a really big fun school like University of Colorado Boulder, USC, or Wisconsin. This school is not what I had in mind when I pictured college in high school.
The reason I think its too late to do anything about it is that I already signed a lease for a house next year. My school makes you figure out your housing situation for junior year VERY early, and it caught me off guard. Going into sophomore year, I had the idea that if I didn’t love the semester, I would think about maybe transferring. However, when I found out we had to figure out where we were living the next year 2 weeks after sophomore year started, I panicked, worried I would be without a place to live if I decided to stay, and signed a lease with some of my friends. When I say friends, I mean people I get along with. I don’t really think I have any friends up at this school, maybe one person if at all. The people I really consider my friends are my high school friends. I have not met a single person at this school that I click and get along with as well as my friends from high school. I absolutely loved high school, and I am starting to think I will never be as happy as I was in high school.
I have been hanging out with a fraternity a lot this semester. I was looking for a change at the beginning of this semester, and I knew a guy already in the frat, so I’ve been hanging out with him at the house a lot. The brothers know I am interested in joining, so they all made an effort to get to know me too. They call me a “potential new member.” I have fun hanging out with these guys, but I am unsure if I really want to join. I have flip flopped about it all throughout the semester. I feel like if I really did want to join, I would not be flip flopping so much. I have visited some other friends who are in fraternities, and I like all of their much more than this one I have been hanging out with. My friends are in these big ones with huge houses, fun parties, and really cool brothers. This one I am hanging out with is incredibly small, only like 12 people. I get along with them alright, but I don’t know if I could see myself as “brothers” with these people. I have also heard that this fraternity hazes hard. I am just not sure if I want to put myself through that for an organization I am not sure I even want to be a part of in the first place. All the brothers think I am joining, and I think they would be pretty upset if I didn’t, since I’ve been hanging out with them all semester out of lack of anything else to do. Like I said before, it’s a really small school, so it would be impossible to just avoid them if I did decide not to join, I’d have to deal with awkward interactions with them all the time.
I would really appreciate any advice anybody has to offer. I am currently home for thanksgiving break and not really looking forward to going back, unlike all my high school friends who can’t wait to get back to their schools. Hanging out with my high school friends these past few days has made me really realize how much better I get along with them than people at my school, and how much happier I was in high school. Right now I just feel really lost and stuck, and am unsure what to do.