Hi guys, I really need some help desperately. Last Thursday, August 25, I moved into the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown to start my freshman year. I was really looking forward to it and was very excited for the college experience, that is until my parents left that afternoon. I’m an only child, so it was really hard for me to say goodbye to them. Anyways, I thought that I would get over it, but I didn’t. For the past week I have been trying so hard to make friends, but every time I try to start up a conversation with someone knew I always get shut down quickly or the person just walks away from me. Not having any friends on campus has really thrown me for a loop as I always had a lot of friends. Ever since then, the days just got worse. I cry every single day and my homesickness has just gotten worse, as I write this I am currently crying. I no longer have ambition to do my assignments or even get out of bed and go to class. I want to just drop out, come home, and apply to a near by college where I can commute to for the Spring 2017 semester. I don’t know what to do, please help. If I do drop out would I get any money back? If I drop out, would I apply to a different college as a freshman or transfer?
Go see the counseling center. You’ve barely given it any time. When you’re dropped into a completely new place, will friendships form immediately?? Likely not – because it takes time and repeated exposure to someone to get to know them.
I scheduled an appointment with the counselor today. I was not expecting friendships to form immediately, I was just hoping by now I would have at least one friend.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this! It’s hard to hear but it does happen and it’s not uncommon. I can just about promise you there are other students who feel the way you do. Have you gone to some club meetings? Did you do any Week of Welcome activities? You might also consider a part-time job on campus.
Hang in there and look for the students who are feeling the way you do. Glad you scheduled an appointment with counseling. Colleges are used to handling this issue and I hope they are helpful.
Be gentle with yourself; you’re going through a big change. <>
Adjusting to a new place can be hard, especially if you haven’t had significant time away from home before. It will take a while for your social safety net to build up in a new place; in the meantime, you will be leaning on friends and family via social media & phone calls and you will be learning to be more on your own. It can be a big adjustment, and you are not the only one on campus going through it. Keep reaching out to the counselors, possibly to your RA if you need a different referral, and the health center. They see these symptoms every year and they are there to help you.
Congrats on getting in, and on reaching out. Good luck on finding orgs there that you have a strong affinity for that can provide built-in bonding experiences as part of team goals & activities. Keep at it.
There are a number of students in your exact situation. Check the posts about it here on CC.
Get out of bed,
shower, get dressed and
GO eat.
Go to the commons or go to the commuter cafe.
My DD did that because she was lonely.
Everyone at the commuter areas seem to eat alone and it doesnt seem bother anyone because they typically have better coffee and food AND the students are kind. A lot of them go to school and go home, so they are receptive to sharing tables, creamers, newspapers, etc. Try it.
Take it one day at a time. Volunteer on campus. You will find friends who share your interests but it takes a little time.
Leave your dorm door open. Put up a sign. “Sheepish attempt to meet someone from everywhere-Free cookies, come on in!”
Yes, your parents miss you too, and are also crying. It’s hard on them, but they had to let you go in order for you to evolve into an adult. Make them proud! You CAN do this, otherwise your school wouldn’t have admitted you.
If you quit school, there is no guarantee that you will ever return to any school.
The transition is hard. And it’s harder when it looks like everyone else is having a good time and has lots of friends. It’s just not true. You aren’t alone… you don’t know where to find the other lonely people. Hang in there! You’ll probably always miss home, but it will get better and you’ll gain independence and an education along the way. Keep your appointment with the counselor and make another appointment when you leave. It WILL GET BETTER.
Reaching out is so good!!
Read this recent post:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/19899318/#Comment_19899318
You are not alone! It will get better!
If you’re introverted, it’s going to be a bit harder for you. You’ll have to give yourself a little push to open up and get out there. Counseling center is a great idea. Taking good care of yourself (sleep, good food, shower, walk) is a great idea.
Try to remember to smile, even if it’s a small little half smile on your face. It can make a big difference in how you feel and on your thought patterns.
It’s the time of year where clubs and campus organizations are having open houses and meetings and luring students in with promises of smoothies and pizza. Go. Force yourself to go. Go to more than one event. Look for service opportunities. Look for yoga or meditation sessions.
Do you have a campus job? Even 2-4 hours a week will get you out there in the world meeting new people.
Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, go to the gyms and look for other players playing.
I’ve read time and time again here on CC that kids often pair up quickly with friends the first few weeks of college and it can be very hard to “break in”. But with time, those groups will loosen up or break up and friend groups will expand.
The tutoring center can be a good place too. You’re bound to see someone from one of your classes.
Has your RA or peer mentor noticed you are struggling?
It might be helpful to make a deal with yourself that you are staying put at that school for one academic year. Lots and lots of kids feel this way, even if they don’t talk about it or even if they act like everything is okay.
I had a hard time adjusting the first semester of college, even with a fun roommate, and good floormates. I was convinced everyone was handling it better than I was, and everyone was happier. I really missed my mom and my high school friends. By second semester, it was MUCH better. Sophomore year? Even better. But it took time. Be gentle on yourself, but absolutely no isolating yourself!
http://www.upj.pitt.edu/en/campus-life/student-clubs-and-organizations/
There are organizations in your campus that would love to have you. Usually there is an organization fair of some kind at the beginning of the school year where they recruit new members. If you missed it, find out when the first meeting of a club you are interested in is and show up. There will be other people there like you looking to make friends.
When it is close to a meal time, look for open doors in your dorm and ask people if they want to walk over to the dining hall together.
It is hard but you are definitely not the only one feeling this way.
Also, as you work toward adjusting to everything, do the best you can with your academics. You want to keep your options open if you decide later to transfer. The better your grades the better your options.
You will feel better, I promise! Take everyone’s advice and join a few clubs. (You can always quit later with no consequences if you don’t like the activity as much as you thought you would.) You will make friends if you start doing things that interest you.
In the dining hall, just ask someone sitting alone at a table if you can join them. When you’re sitting alone, look up and smile when people pass by with their tray so that they know you’re open to meeting people. Put away your devices and books at meals.
And if you’re really desperate, PM me and I’ll give you the name of a good friend of my son’s who is also a freshman at the University of Pittsburgh. He’s a quirky, funny, theatre geek, if that’s your type of friend.
There are thousands of freshmen having the same problems so don’t think your along. Join some groups and organizations that you have interest in. Also start study groups for your classes. Freshman year can be tough but I promise you things will get better if you put forth the effort.
Colleges typically have deadlines for cancelling classes & getting tuition refunds. But you’re probably on the hook for housing costs for the fall semester at a minimum.
Believe us, this is very common. That doesn’t mean it isn’t any less painful. I my experience with three kids and dormmates and friends all having finished, it is common for homesickness to last through Christmas, and sometimes that makes the holidays hard. Then spring semester things really settle down.
I think the thought of leaving can be a kind of escape hatch. You CAN leave and your life would not be ruined, no. But try to keep putting that off, delaying it. See if you can stick out the semester and see if things change. It really takes quite awhile to make new friends and the overall adjustment is very high on the stress scale.
Counseling may have groups. I have seen groups for loneliness or homesickness etc.
Hope his works out for you. If it doesn’t, no big disaster, but I really believe you CAN have the experience you were excited about.
Hi! No clue where you are with this but I wanted to encourage you to keep your parents in the loop. It’s so great that you’ve reached out to this forum but also be sure to involve your parents. They CAN help! When my son went to college as a freshman, he found holiday weekends tough. If you are on campus facing a long weekend, please be sure to find things to get involved with. And remember, this is what they pay those counselors for…even over the long weekend!
I have known so many sons and daughters through many years of friends that have been going through what you are going through. Please give it a semester.
If you are still miserable, transfer. But you may not want to.
Hang in there! My first few weeks of college were nightmarish. I too would cry whenever I expressed how homesick I was at the beginning. I couldn’t eat the fist week and a half I was so miserable. It gets better with time. That amount of time is different for everyone, but it will get better. If transferring would make you more comfortable, keep that in mind as an option, although I highly suggest trying to stick it out the first semester if you can.
I’m also an only child, am very close with the parent I live with, and I’m feeling anxiety about going into my junior year of college in WI. I move into my apartment tomorrow and I’m re-experiencing the dread and homesickness STILL. Every year it gets easier to leave home, and the homesickness departs more quickly once I’m settled in. The point is, even if you think you’re alone in how you’re feeling, there are other people feeling the exact same way. I remember asking my freshman peers if they missed their parents at all and every one of them said no. Everyone is trying to play it cool, but there are people struggling right along with you. Try to take it one day at a time. I found that calling a friend/parent for support or journaling how I was feeling really really helped me. Please keep us updated with how you’re doing!