<p>I want his help, but I want him to help in the right way. My husband's degree and the field he works in is the same as my son wants to major in, so I would like to believe that he is a help at at least picking the college.</p>
<p>But in the application process, I hear constantly about how our son just needs to "hit a home run" on the SAT and he will be fine to get in to any college he wants. I have tried telling my dh a million times over that this is not how it is these days. And THEN I have to hear "when I applied to University of Chicago........." Seriously....I cannot stand those words anymore! He has no clue! And I feel like the fact that he went to private school and didn't need financial aid also played a role in him getting in there. (he was able to apply early decision because he did not have to worry about financial aid or scholarships or otherwise also). My husband's SAT scores were lower than mine...his were 650 and 720. He had no class ranking and no extra curriculars other than track. He had to do track because he did not have PE at the school, so they all had to take a sport instead. So that was not really an EC. I really believe that if things were like this now, he would not get in. AND...I am a bit shocked he got in back then. </p>
<p>Anyone have a "helpful" spouse or family member who is just not getting it?</p>
<p>It’s a fine line. Everyone knows Ds and I are doing the bulk of the work, but I bring dh in so that he feels included. I’ve noticed that when he talks to his mom, for instance, he’ll say “we” are doing this and that. It makes him feel good.</p>
<p>This post seems like deja vu. If your H attended in the 1970s around 70 percent of applicants got into U of C. Your H’s SATs were well above the average, close to the top 25 percent for the school (according to Cass and Birnbaum) so it’s not surprising he got in. But I don’t know what your test scores have to do with anything and none of this has anything to do with college admissions today.</p>
<p>The SAT scores were also re-centered a number of years ago. Scores from the 70’s really are not comparable to current scores.</p>
<p>What happened back in the day really doesn’t matter. Does your son even want to apply to Chicago? If he is a senior, did he already take the SAT in the spring? What were THOSE scores? Does your high school use Naviance? If so, look at your son’s acceptance probability based on previous other students who applied to his colleges of choice.</p>
<p>I don’t see the big deal or the harm. Sure, he may have his head in the sand a bit on this if he’s not open to the idea that the college entrance process may have changed in the last 40 years and that some colleges have gotten far more selective today than they were 40 years ago, but the important point is whether your S knows what to do and he should be getting his information from multiple sources, including the colleges’ own websites, and of course you, and applying accordingly.</p>
<p>At least both you and H went to college. Imagine the kids of parents who never went to a 4 year college? A lot of them are clueless and some don’t even know the SAT exists. They’re the ones who are truly challenged in this process.</p>
<p>Just keep working with your son and make sure he’s informed. Keep H in the loop and throw him a few articles about how college admissions have changed in the last couple decades. Good luck!</p>
<p>H is not a problem, but MY dad keeps reminding me not to ‘discourage’ s from applying to Harvard. Like he has a chance. Like he wants to apply. It’s just me, Debby Downer, in the way.
In my experience, the best response to loving, well-intentioned but clueless family members is to say thank you, we’ll work on that, and move on.</p>
<p>I still remember my SATs from the 70s. And I remember how astounded I was when I discovered CC last year and quickly realized how much college admissions had changed. More than anything, I wish the tuition hadn’t changed! lol</p>
<p>Since your son wants to major in the field your husband knows give him the job of doing all the school research about the actual major. Let him evaluate all the schools to determine which type of programs they have and what their rankings are. </p>
<p>Then let him do all the phone calling and emailing for each school they want to visit to set up appointments with the department that has the major. </p>
<p>He must contact the career center of each school to discuss internships/coops or research opportunities. </p>
<p>Then send him and your son to do the actual visits and fill out a form you make up for them to rank the 8-10 qualities of each place. </p>
<p>Then tell him he needs to look up on the common data set for each school to see what the SAT scores ranges are, financial aid, merit aid etc and put it in spread sheet to compare schools.</p>
<p>Tell him that is only the start and you have plenty more work for him to do. </p>
<p>He probably will only make it through one school. :)</p>
<p>Here’s what you do NOT want your H to say after visiting a safety school, “Gee, those kids didn’t seem very smart to me.” I mean, jump off a cliff. Roll your Steinway out the window, but do not say that.</p>
<p>This sounds like several other threads where various older relatives who went to college decades ago do not realize how much more difficult it is to get into any given college now, and how much more expensive it is.</p>
<p>The older relatives may have remembered getting into a given college with grades and test scores lower than the current high school senior, and also may have remembered either working their way through college or their parents being able to pay list price with minimal or no financial aid needed.</p>
<p>Thirty years ago, my alma mater was trying to increase enrollment and took almost anyone who could fog a mirror. They’re rather more selective now. People who find out that I studied there must think I was really smart. ;)</p>
<p>Sometimes we can’t get our Hs to help in the way we want them to help.<br>
Consider printing out the admissions statistics for Univ of Chicago for a recent year which shows the % accepted, the mean (or 25-75% SAT scores), GPA, etc. Consider highlighting relevent info. Leave the sheet of data on the kitchen table or whereever. Mention casually that you got some interesting stats from his alma mater, take a look, it’s totally different than when we went to college. Then walk away. Let him come to the conclusion himself.<br>
Or “hmmm, how would kiddo be able to ace his/her SATs?” etc.
If he does not engage, then unfortunately, you will have to do it instead.</p>
<p>Doesn’t this fall into the “smile and nod” category? Can’t hurt to throw an app into Chicago, but make sure there are some matches/safeties on the application list too. I’d just refrain from engaging in a discussion (read “argument”) that you can’t win. Who was closer to being correct will be evident when admissions decisions come out.</p>
<p>I like the idea of getting the common data stats and just printing it out. College admissions have definitely change considerably in the last 20-40 years.</p>
<p>I really don’t remember my SAT scores, but do remember they were not so great. Maybe around 500 or so for each category.</p>
<p>I don’t remember my GRE scores either, but do know they were very much improved over my SAT!</p>
<p>I agree with all the above advice on trying to educate H, but I also sense a different concern: H’s misleading son about actual admission chances. You can “knock the SAT out of the park” and have great grades and still not get in to a single lottery school. That is no reflection on a kid or his stats, just the reality in today’s admissions process.<br>
When does S take the SAT? If/once you have scores, I would sit H down and give him a specific lesson on “reach, match, safety” backed with printouts of stats (maybe focused on kids who had stats similar or higher than your S who did NOT get in for the reaches) and tell him that he needs to encourage S in finding schools in each category, not just the reaches. H also needs to support S (and mom) in the “love thy safety” lesson or S will never be happy at something “lower” than the school H got into back in the dark ages. Above all, S needs to hear that you don’t have to go to a top 10 (or whatever) to have a great education and great experience in college.<br>
I remember my SATs, too. Good enough for merit at lower schools but not good enough for Harvard, even back then!</p>