<p>Must admit, I sent D2 a badgering email today about final versions of essays she had promised to email me this weekend (she is at her dad’s). No response… I wonder why?? The mother lioness paces, hungry for essay meat…</p>
<p>Compmom, the brownies sound like a good idea. Maybe I could bribe her with food to finish the next one. :)</p>
<p>Share this thread with Mom…?</p>
<p>This is why I spent the money for a consulting team (one helped with the apps. the other helped with the essays). It wasn’t hugely expensive and it kept the emotions out of the process. I’m a real control freak, but I didn’t read my son’s essays until he was submitting them! I trusted the woman who was helping him and she kept me posted.</p>
<p>It’s not too late… maybe see if your mom would be willing to pay to have someone help you?</p>
<p>Op, brings back agonizing memories of last year with D and me. </p>
<p>The problem with the essays is that kids feel that they have to be perfect, so they either get writer’s block or procrastinate on the painful work or are hypercritical of their work.
Unfortunately, when I, personally, have a large manuscript to write, which will be judged critically, I do the same thing, even as an adult!</p>
<ol>
<li>You have to bear down and just start brainstorming. The essay will come out of the rewriting</li>
<li>You will feel better if you felt that your mom was on your side rather than adversarial. Thus, maybe she can brainstorm with you. Kids often think that the essay needs to be a huge epiphany or life lesson. It doesn’t. The smaller, personal things are what matters most and your mom might be helpful in pointing out some of these things that you might take for granted or may not notice. </li>
</ol>
<p>Just think, it could be worse… A few years ago, my friend had an essay schedule set up for her son, where he could not do anything socially unless the essay deadlines were met each week. He applied ED, and EA, but she required all of his RD essays also be done before 12/14 because she worried that if he did not get into his ED school (which was far an away his #1 choice), then he would be too upset to write anymore essays between 12/15-1/1. He got into his ED school, so maybe all of that essay writing was for naught.</p>
<p>So see, you are already in a better position here.</p>
<p>I agree about “one app at a time”. My son figured this out in spite of me. I thought he should whip them all out in Oct or Nov. He just got his CA done, then his 2 EA apps and then sent them out, one at a time, focusing on the little extras that each school wanted. </p>
<p>OP, give your Mom a chill pill from us, but then sit down and get your essay written. You don’t need divine inspiration, you just need to get it done!</p>
<p>I have been tutoring essays online (not for pay) and find that the first version is often the best, then students overwrite and overedit, or an adult enters the picture and ruins the kids’s natural “voice.”.</p>
<p>Also, there seems to be pressure to be “unique” and creative, even when the question asks for a straightforward answer. Don’t feel that pressure.</p>
<p>Again, I really don’t think these essays have to be a big deal. Admissions looks at lots of things. </p>
<p>I think it is better if parents are available, but only that. If you want to write essays in late December, you should be able to, if that is what works for you. And yes, brownies might help.</p>
<p>OP, my daughter could easily have written your post. I am guilty of both asking her way too often what progress she has made with her applications, and of lamenting the lack of time to sit around and talk. I’ve been trying to behave a little better recently, and I’ve noticed that she now makes a point when she comes home to tell me just one or two little things about her day. Another example of strategically tossing a little meat to the lion, and it works – it’s easier for me to leave her alone when I have a few moments of social interaction to chew over for the evening.</p>
<p>I LOVE the idea of paying a consultant:</p>
<p>(1) to feed the kid brownies
(2) to tell Mom, at periodic intervals, “There, there, it’s going to be alright.”</p>
<p>It may seem silly, but if you can afford it, that actually sounds like money very well spent!</p>
<p>I have no advice to the OP because if that was me (in my younger days) I would have just lied to my mother about where I was in the process. </p>
<p>I was pretty hands off when it came to my S’s apps and never read his essay until I was putting all the getting into college stuff away. I would surely have ruined it. He later told me he wrote it in 15 minutes!</p>
<p>wcclir444 - you have gotten some terrific advise here which I am certain will help you in communicating with your mother. While moms have a lot of different styles, keep in mind that in the vast majority of cases, our intentions are good and we only want the best for our children. Sometimes all that love we feel, just gets in the way, and we can get a little edgy.</p>
<p>The reality of your situation, however, remains the same. The essays are due shortly, so focusing on your mother right now (or the distraction of CC for that matter), really doesn’t help you. You have a terrific academic record, so you have a lot on the line. I would just continue to work through the writer’s block and focus on the finish line.</p>
<p>Ok, I’m not going to sugar coat it like others–it’s December 2nd and you haven’t finished any drafts of your essays or submitted any applications yet? What is holding you back and don’t say your mom. Set a deadline to get an application done, like by Wednesday. Then give yourself two more days to do the next one, etc. Your GPA and scores are VERY good. What other scores are you waiting for? Colleges don’t need everything to be sent together, get your applications in. You could very well miss out on a LOT of merit money by procrastinating.</p>
<p>Also, are you really that stressed out over your mom or is your own procrastination what is causing you the stress and your a blaming it on your mom? As a parent of 4, I see this happen all the time with my kids and their friends. They blame their parents because it isn’t easy to admit that they are wrong.</p>
<p>I would not be very happy with my kids either if we were sitting at Dec 2nd with no progress on applications. One school our kids applied to is already full and has been for a couple weeks. </p>
<p>Stop “stressing” and just start doing. Your stress level will go down immediately after you hit the first send button.</p>
<p>Your mom sees your potential and just wants what’s best for you. I was in the same situation with my son. He really procrastinated and ended up writing poor essays in the end. He missed out on some great opportunities - truth be told, that I cared about more than he did, but he is excelling where he is and very happy. </p>
<p>In the end, it was his decision to make as to how much time and effort he put into his applications and he has accepted (and is responsible for) the consequences.</p>
<p>(edited to add: Steve is correct. It’s DECEMBER! When my son was applying Dec. 1 was the deadline for many things such as scholarships. You need to get on the ball and finish things up.)</p>
<p>I have to kind of agree with SteveMa… you need to set yourself a deadline to get an application out quick. I think once you have the first essays completed sent you will get on a roll and the others. </p>
<p>It is so stressful to balance school, EC and the application process. Last year with my D I was a little bit the same way as your mom. I finally took a deep breath spoke to my husband and we presented a united front with deadlines for applications. We had D make a list of where she was going to apply and then agreed on dates for completion. All essays were reviewed by either us or her English teacher… </p>
<p>All applications were submitted by October.</p>
<p>I think part of your stress level is really because you are close on application deadlines. Talk to you Mom and tell her you are feeling. I am sure she will try and be more understanding of your feelings if you are honest with her about yours</p>
<p>I had no parents involved in my college situation. My father was absent, and my mother was unemployed and wouldn’t have cared, and didn’t know the difference between, a trade school and the top 10 USNWR school I attended. </p>
<p>During my first two years of school I used to feel sorry for myself with zero parental support and money and having to struggle to balance academics with Div. 1 athletic scholarship pressures. Then it hit me - heck, I was no victim. I was free! Absolutely free! Own your future, and prioritize college admissions not by prestige or the like, but rather by what you really want to do. This sounds simple, but you have to move past the persona of “what my mother wants” really quick, especially since the gap between oh so cared for high school and go it on your own college is so brief. Love your parents as the caring advisers they likely are, but heck, deep down, make this whole thing your own mission. No more avoiding Mom, either - she just is who she is (likely a good thing) and just make this process your own. You will not regret it.</p>
<p>Honestly, I am not as understanding as some of the other moms here. Your mother will stop asking when you start showing progress. So end the excuses and start doing what you need to do. Writer’s block is an excuse.</p>
<p>Hi OP,
Hang in there! Quick reminder: have you requested your teacher recommendations? Some high schools are pretty strict about asking for these well in advance of the holidays to save teachers from working on Christmas.</p>
<p>You’re getting great advice here about your essays. You’re not the only one scrambling to get this done, and you’re NOT BEHIND! Just keep moving forward one step at a time.</p>
<p>I’d try to make a deal with your mom. “If you don’t ask me about apps for one week, I promise to have x amount of apps done.” </p>
<p>That would stop her from nagging and give you motivation.</p>
<p>I’m a mom. I can drive my kids nuts. I admit it. </p>
<p>Your mom worries that you’ll flake out and limit your own choices.</p>
<p>If you’re working away from the house, she can’t really see that you ARE working. </p>
<p>Here’s what I’d suggest, from the point of view of a mom who probably irritated her kids to no end with ‘helpful’ nagging:</p>
<p>When you’re not feeling defensive or irritated yourself, tell her gently & kindly something to this effect: “Mom, I’m really working hard on my applications, honest. I’ve had some writer’s block issues, but I’m working through them. But you asking me all the time how I’m doing with my applications is stressful and it’s not helping me. I’m good at school, and I’ll do a good job on my apps, you’ll see. I still have a couple of weeks to get it all buttoned up and I promise when I’m done you’ll know. But right now I just need my space to get it done my way.”</p>
<p>It would work on me. I’d feel bad for hovering & stressing you out, and I’d butt out. Your mom probably will too.</p>
<p>Head up. You’re almost done! Just wait how much fun you’ll have choosing from a bunch of great schools.</p>
<p>I just applied Early Decision. I was the same way. Both of my parents kept on bothering me about it day in and day out. </p>
<p>I literally told them to calm down. I know what I am doing and I will handle it. I also said I’m not stupid…and I know that college is important. </p>
<p>Tell them in a polite way that you can handle it and tell them how you are a good student. Say how you feel…maybe stressed and pressured to finish quickly. tell them you don’t want to rush it and want it to be perfect.</p>
<p>I did the same thing. My parents eased up and didn’t ask as much, but they still continued to asked every once in a while. I would then just remind them that it is in working progress.</p>
<p>My kids found it hard to get going on the essays at first, mainly because they were not used to writing about themselves in such personal terms. Spilling one’s hopes and dreams on paper makes gives those ideas reality and accountability. Still, it is time to get moving. My kids went through many, many versions of each essay. You may want to let an essay sit for a few days before going back to it so you can review the tone and emotion.</p>
<p>OTOH, I am an adrenaline junkie and know that sometimes the clock is the best motivator.</p>
<p>Do not sell the short essays short. Those can be the most revealing, for good or ill, because everyone focuses on the big ones.</p>
<p>My official nagging mom advice: If you have not yet requested that your school send your transcripts, GC letter and teacher rec letters to all of your schools, DO THAT THIS WEEK. My kids’ schools required 15 school days to process, and that runs you right up into the winter break. There will not be anyone in the guidance over winter break to get this done! Ditto on sending official score reports to all your schools.</p>
<p>Agree with others that you should show this thread to your mom and invite her to come share the angst. :)</p>