<p>So my best friend and I are rising juniors, and we've started to think about college. She has a stellar 4.0 GPA, and taken wicked hard classes. We've always talked about going to college somewhere out-of-state, though not together. Since she's a science person, and I'm a history person, it's just kinda acknowledged that we won't be going to the same college. And I'm OK with that.
But she's had a boyfriend for about 6 months (it's her first boyfriend), and he's a senior, and is also a science person. He's planning on going to UMBC, which is in-state. And over the past couple of months, I've noticed my friend's attitude towards going away for college has made a complete 180. We were talking about it just last week, and she was saying how she didn't understand why people go far away for college. She now thinks that the best time to "explore new places" is after college. She's also been talking about how great of a college UMBC is, and the integrity of their programs. Which I am in no way disputing -- UMBC is a reputable college. But we live in Maryland, so we have a great many other colleges with well-know science programs, like Johns Hopkins, Towson, and University of Maryland, to name a few. So I find her sudden interest in UMBC to be more than just a coincidence.
I'm aware that she could have just changed, but I'm just kinda worried. This guy is her first boyfriend after all, and I'm just worried that she'll regret the decision later, once she's broken up with him. And really, this guy is going to be surrounded by college girls. Is he really going to want to stay with his high-school girlfriend in college?
What do you think of this situation? Am I overreacting? Should I say something or be concerned? </p>
<p>The weirdest thing about this post is that you think science majors have to go to different colleges than history majors.</p>
<p>Just talk to her. There’s not much you can do about her changing her mind, students do that all the time and it works out great and it works out awful, but you can say what’s on your mind. In Sr year you can encourage her to pick a range of colleges so there are options in the spring.</p>
<p>It’s possible that her BF’s reasons for picking UMBC resonated with her because it IS a strong STEM school and there are usually strong financial reasons to stay in-state.
I wouldn’t worry - she will probably apply to several other colleges as well, and by then they might not even be a couple anymore.</p>
<p>@BrownParent I didn’t really mention this at all, and I worded it poorly above, but I want to go to a small liberal arts college, and she wants to go to a large public university, which is why we definitely aren’t going to be going to the same college.</p>
<p>a lot can change over the next 7 to 8 months, without your having said anything at all, but it’s certainly the case that a lot of applicants choose schools for reasons their friends and parents would question. </p>
<p>She can (and most likely will) change her mind over the next year, whether it’s because they break up or because she realizes it isn’t the right decision.</p>
<p>Or maybe it is the right decision for her, in which case you just sort of have to let her make her own decisions (and potential mistakes). I actually know somebody who went to the same college as his girlfriend against the opinions of everyone else, and they ended up getting married. So maybe it’s the right decision for some people. If you’re still super worried, just talk to her and express your concerns.</p>
<p>1) As a junior it is too early to worry about this. Who knows what will happen in the relationship over the next year and a half. Many relationships don’t last when one half of the couple goes away to college. 2) As a friend you should give your opinion and then let it go. Getting on her case about this could irreparably damage your friendship. She has her parents and guidance counselor to advise her.</p>
<p>I’d like to point out that it is possible, though unlikely, that she indeed will stay with this person for the rest of her life and the decision would therefor be sensible. Choosing college based on a relationship is usually, but not always, a bad idea. Choosing based on all your friends going there is a perfectly valid consideration.</p>
<p>@mynameisdillon I see this as being very unlikely, as this is her first relationship. But I suppose it could happen.</p>
<p>People make mistakes and then have to live with the consequences. I may be flamed for saying this, but a lot of girls fall completely in love with the 1st guy they sleep with. It’s this “one and only” dream I suppose. He’s perfect, and anybody pointing out cracks in the mirror just ends up pushing them closer together in some “us against them” vibe. By junior year of college some guys won’t even date a virgin because they don’t want to deal with the clinging attachment.</p>
<p>So my sense is that a direct approach (eg. “you’re just interested in UMBC now because John is going there”) will backfire. You’ll get denial, probably make her more determined then ever to go to UMBC. Still it is nice of you to care that she is abandoning everything she wanted before she met this guy. What you need to do is use an indirect approach. </p>
<p>Get the book “Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World” from the library and read thru it. Lots of great info. What I think you want to do is use standards. In fact this is a good idea for you, too. What you do is ask your friend (and yourself) “how does one recognize the right college?” Develop criteria such as ranking of the overall college and your intended field, type of students that enroll, cost of attendance, what students do after graduation, how one felt after a campus visit, etc. Then you apply the criteria to your colleges and your friend does the same with hers. After all they are her standards. Then she sees where UMBC falls.</p>
<p>No promise this will work, but I’m pretty sure confronting her is bound to fail so you have nothing to lose by trying it.</p>
<p>You guys are still at a point where you are learning about colleges. Maybe thru this bf she has learned about that school and has less of a knee jerk reaction against it. Either way, there is lots of time.</p>
<p>Stop worrying for now.</p>
<p>If this is still an issue one year from now (it might not be) do your best to suggest that your friend apply to other schools. Simply emphasize that a lot can happen to change a person’s mind between Fall and May 1. Don’t nag.</p>
<p>Apart from that, you’ll be a good friend by respecting her choices, even if they are potentially bad ones.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. Her BF will probably break up with her once he is off to college.</p>