I’m a senior in high school so obviously I’m thinking hard about which colleges I want to apply to. One of the big things I want, though, is to go to a college that my best friend in high school is not going to. I love her to death but have a lot of reasons I don’t want to go to the same place as her. I know that some of the colleges on my list are not on hers, but 2 of my 3 top choices are on her list. I don’t know how or even whether to talk to her about this. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way about wanting us to go to different places, but what happens if we both end up really wanting to go to the same place? I don’t want either of us to have to give up a first choice, but I think it would be unhealthy for me if I went to the same place as her. Thoughts? Should I talk to her about it and if so, how?
If these colleges are highly selective one of you, or both of you, may not be admitted so problem solved. Also if these are large universities and you both enroll you will likely rarely see each other.
This is your issue, not hers. You don’t have any right to limit your friend’s choices anymore than she has a right to limit yours. Apply to whatever colleges you want. If you happen to get admitted to some of the same ones, then you have a decision to make, and it doesn’t involve her. You either want to attend the college knowing there’s a chance she might be there, or you don’t. You can’t call dibs on a particular college then tell your friends that they can’t attend because you called it first.
Just apply to the schools that you are interested in and that your parents/you can afford and presumably your friend will do likewise. Once acceptances are in hand, you can weigh her presence as one of many factors in choosing a school. You should not decide whether or not to apply based on where she is applying, nor should you discourage her from applying to any schools that you are interested in or you will be setting yourself for a lot of disappointment, what ifs?, and resentment.
Years ago, I went to a small LAC, same as my HS best friend. I actually toured the school as a tag-a-long with her! And yes, it was so I could skip a day of senior year. I was surprised how much I liked it and came home from my tour wanting to attend. When we both got accepted, we mutually decided that we would not room together in order to experience college apart but try to remain friends. Plus, we knew we would probably end up hating each other because she had a HS boyfriend going to a CC and I could see how my room would be. It worked out fine for us! I saw her now and then, we tried to have dinner together once a week, but then she transferred junior year to attend an occupational therapy degree program.
I think you can make it what you want it to be. Apply to the schools you choose and make your decision based on what’s best for you, not who is going to possibly be there.
Though we now live 1000 miles apart, we are still friends and get together a few times a year as her parents now live 30 miles away from me.
You can go to the same school as your best friend and not have any issues, especially if you live in different places or at least different rooms. Chances are you will have different class schedules as well as be involved in different extracurricular activities/ clubs. I’m not sure what your reasons are behind not wanting to be at the same school, but like previous posters said, you can only control where you go, not where she goes.
It is pretty standard advice not to choose your high school best friend as your college roommate (although some do and it works out) so I join the others in recommending that you choose the school best for you without thinking of what your friend is doing. Imagine if you didn’t go to your first choice because the friend was going there and then she decided to transfer.
…or if you opted not to apply, you would always be wondering “what if…?”
Even the smallest LAC is bit enough to provide enough breathing room between you…(assuming you don’t choose to become roommates, which as others have indicated, would not be a good plan.
To echo what everyone else has said, truly, it’s no big deal if you end up at the same place. Do your search and selection independently, then see what your options are when decisions come in. You probably WON’T end up at the same place, but even if you do, just don’t room together. (And you can probably put in a rooming request to not be in the same dorm or orientation group or whatever.)
And you may discover it’s not the worst thing if she ends up at the same place. One of my very closest friends at my very very small HS ended up at the same medium-sized school as I did, and guess what? We ran into each other very rarely, but were glad to have each other to touch base with from time to time. And we’re still friends.
There’s nothing to bring up or discuss with her unless/until it happens. Odds are it won’t, and you’ll have spent months worrying about it for nothing. As others have said, you may not even run into each other much even if it does. That may seem unlikely to you now, so I get it, but college is a different ball game. Also, keep in mind that visits can make a huge difference and many people end up completely changing their mind once they visit. A place that sounds like a perfect fit on paper may not feel that way at all once you visit, and a place that’s not seriously on your radar now may feel like the perfect fit.
My school wasn’t even on my list until I happened to visit a friend there while visiting other colleges and it led to my best friend from junior high through high school both going there, but it was an unplanned, undiscussed fluke of fate. He was an athlete considered top 10 in the nation with a 4.0 and an almost perfect SAT score, valedictorian, yada yada yada, so top schools across the country including Harvard were trying to recruit him, but when a coach he’d worked with and greatly respected suddenly got the head coach job there and he was offered a full ride, his decision was made. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure he’d have made a different choice. For me, it just felt like the perfect fit for everything I was looking for, but I never would have guessed prior to that visit.
We remained friends, but I rarely ran into him when we were there. He was busy working out all the time and hung out mostly with his teammates while I developed an entirely different group of friends. We then went to different law schools, but did weekend visits and I actually saw him more during those weekends than I did in during our entire undergrad.
I remember a couple of classmates made petty comments about how I was following him there, but I just laughed it off. I wasn’t about to choose a school based on where anyone else was or wasn’t going, and why in the world would I care what they thought? My life and my future, not theirs.
So don’t sweat it. It’ll be fine either way. Really. 