<p>granny2- my thinking exactly. I sent him a text to set up a time to talk. </p>
<p>NikDangles-Northwood is probably great. Just not sure it’s that different than where he is…and it’s a big hassle to change schools not to mention the expense involved. Anything is possible though and that would be an option I’d consider exploring.</p>
<p>I hope that you can make something work. I am applying to boarding schools for next year and hope that I don’t run into this. I am a hockey player from Nor Cal and hockey is my main reason for applying as well.</p>
<p>Nik, sounds like you are doing a lot of research and visits so you should have a good idea what you’re getting into. Someone said choose a school you’d like even if you weren’t playing your sport and that’s advice I wish we’d paid more attention to.</p>
<p>Wait, wait, wait. It’s not true about schools not taking students who aren’t living with their parents. You’d just have to assign guardianship. The woman who was arrested (I think that is a travesty) was using her father’s address but the children still lived with her in a different town. It is not that uncommon for athletes to move closer to their coaches and mentors.</p>
<p>I’m suspicious of the coaches’ offer, however, that’s a different issue. Just too many “unknowns”.</p>
<p>Also - the issue of competitive colleges not looking at these kids USED to be true but isn’t anymore. I’ve seen homeschooled students doing much better in admissions (boarding school and college) than before at top colleges. They have to jump through extra hoops though. For instance many don’t require SAT subject tests of students who attend accredited schools, but require them of students who were homeschooled or attended alternative schools. Plus more documentation on coursework. But still - there is more flexibility in the system than before.</p>
<p>However - the the advice I give most parents is to look at the target colleges now and figure out the requirements now so you can have them in your head as you make high school plans.</p>
<p>^^^Yes, Exie makes a good point. Does your son have an idea were he wants to go to college or does he want to go directly to a jr team after HS?</p>
<p>Wow. I’d really be on that former coach and ask that he suspend contact with my son for awhile.</p>
<p>I grew up in Quebec and am, to a degree, familiar with Stanstead and boarding schools in Canada in general. Many of them are what I would consider more old fashioned/British than their US counterparts, as is high school education in general as university admissions in Canada is a completely different animal from the US.</p>
<p>If he’s having some bumps on the hockey team at Stanstead, it’s unlikely he’s headed for the NHL so what would be the point in going to Fresno (!) to play junior hockey? </p>
<p>Is Stanstead the only BS he applied to?</p>
<p>@Exie</p>
<p>It is not so uncommon to move for sports, you are correct, but almost all kids move with a parent.</p>
<p>And home schooling is a good alternative for many, if there is a qualified and appropriate “schooler” to organize the effort this requires for both the kid and schooler.</p>
<p>It is not so easy setting up a guardianship, though. Having gone through it because of a serious illness in my brother, who had a teenage daughter, - It involved an attorney, a social worker, financial arrangements, and several hearings before a family services judge. Expensive and time consuming, and we had a VERY good reason for doing it. For the reason to be wanting to play on a local team, or to get into a better school district, just may not cut it for the hearing judge.</p>
<p>Wow,</p>
<p>I apologize - you are right - when we’ve dealt with similar situations it’s always been between relatives. @2PrepMom - thanks for clarification.</p>
<p>Heaven’s Exie, no need to apologize, just a BTDT perspective.</p>
<p>Thanks again everyone. Things seem to have improved some. Emails to the advisor, messages to the former coach etc. The advisor was great. Talked about having my son set some goals for himself, did some problem solving with him, emphasized how valuable the education he’s getting is for the future. So I feel more hopeful that this may turn out to be a painful, but necessary part of the adjustment process. I’m so relieved to hear the advisor saying things that seem honest and helpful. I know my son likes and respects him so I think it will make a real difference. phew. I’m appreciative that I have this board to come to as a sounding board.</p>
<p>You know, Calhockeymom, this thread is a great service to other families. We do try to warn that the rosy glow of acceptance after a long round of applications is often balanced by the reality - which is the first semester for most students is an extremely rough, and unsettling transition. (first bad grade, hard academics, learning to study all day instead of just at night, making friends, dealing with roommates). When switched to a new family doctor, the pre-physical worksheets included similar questions and check off boxes about life changes re: stress (job transition, sleep patterns, marriage, divorce, move to new location, new baby, kid moving away, job loss, etc…) I wish there were a better way to prep new students for the inevitable change – it’s jarring.</p>
<p>But it DOES tend to settle by Spring break for most students. Knowing it ahead of time makes the landing softer. So thanks for posting the thread and the updates. I think you’re helping a lot of other families know they aren’t alone. :)</p>
<p>Thanks Exie. It’s nice to think of helping someone else out rather than just being a whiner!</p>
<p>In the hope that this will be helpful to others…</p>
<p>My son came home on his February break and said that he was more unhappy than he had ever been and did not want to finish out the year. We looked into other schools briefly but decided that he needed to be ok with coming home and living here again. He decided that was what he wanted to do and now he is doing his homework from his first day back at his old high school. He did return to his BS for a month and finish the hockey season and the marking period. With the knowledge that he was coming home he played better than he had all year and finished strong. He says he does not regret going there, that he learned a lot about himself and is a better student and hockey player. </p>
<p>It was very, very stressful and I can’t quite say that I have no regrets! I am happy to have him home though. Our house feels full again and my heart is relieved to see him acting like himself. </p>
<p>Hope this experience helps someone else and much appreciate all the help I’ve gotten here.</p>
<p>Big hugs and +1 to calhockeymom for her courage. And for her son’s courageous decision. It he was still feeling unhappy by this time, he was right and prolonging a miserable situation wouldn’t have been good.</p>
<p>Glad he’s come home - probably with a great sense of enlightenment from the brief time he was there. Sometimes home is where the heart is. So glad you are having a happy ending! :)</p>
<p>I also think it is awesome he returned to finsh out the season/marking period. That shows commitment to his team and, in addition, was a smart thinkg to do in case being home triggered homesickness which could have been temporary. By giving it that extra month, he could be absolutely sure he was making the bestg decision for him. It takes courage to go away, and even more courage to come home! Good luck to him in the future!</p>
<p>We are deciding between boarding school and stying at a local (private day) school at the moment. This thread is helpful, if only to show what CAN happen… it won’t scare me off, as I myself LOVED my boarding school, but it will make me listen very carefully to my daughter’s concerns and worries. Thanks for posting.</p>
<p>Calhockeymom, it sounds like your son has made the right decision!</p>
<p>Would you consider stopping by this forum from time to time in the future? I think it would really help families consider boarding schools to gain a balanced perspective. It’s healthy to hear from a variety of families.</p>
<p>Calhockeymom, your story is really helpful, and the thread you started gives a good picture of the process you and your son went through along the way to the decision to return home. It sounds like a valuable, if not-so-pleasant, experience all around, and I’m glad to hear your son is confident and comfortable back at home (it would be tricky if he returned home, relieved to be home but alienated from his peers and teammates or somehow “out of sync” with his “old life”). You both gave it a fair shake—kudos to your son for sticking it out long enough to know it really wasn’t for him, and to you for seeing it was truly time for him to come home.</p>
<p>I second Periwinkle in the hopes you’ll stop by the forum from time to time. </p>
<p>Best of luck on the next leg of your journey!</p>
<p>It takes real courage and a well developed sense of self–and the love of a supportive family to make the decision he did. Well done him-- well done you.</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing. I’ve been wondering how it all ended up. Echoing what others have said, your son sounds like a pretty strong and together kid - and now happier. I doubt my daughter, or most kids, could have gone back to the school after break under the same circumstances. That says a lot about his strength of character and motivation.</p>
<p>I truly, truly envy you having your son home again and he WANTS to be home. In my eyes, youve won the lottery. Squeeze him, love him, celebrate him, ENJOY him. You get to have what the rest of us want but relinquish for kids who thrive away from home. FWIW, I walked away from Harvard Business School many years ago to much whispering and head scratching. It just wasnt the right place for me. Maybe not the same as boarding school, but certainly a decision that caused much speculation and unspoken judgement. I can assure you, I have never regretted it. You and your son do not have any explaining to do. It is absolutely OK for him to choose to come home and define himself on his terms. Be at total peace and enjoy your full house and your full heart. Congratulations and I, too, hope you continue to check in.</p>