I’m sorry, but she is so wrong. Give her time.
OP, I’m so sorry - I didn’t see your update, so my post #18 is useless.
Still, you did the hard part - telling them is now behind you, which is GREAT. I promise you, your parents WILL get over it, especially as they see you acting in a thoughtful, mature way from now on.
Don’t be pushed into the armed forces unless it’s something you really want to do. Explore job options or, if you prefer, community college options. Just keep repeating to yourself - I can move on from this. I can move on from this. (And you can!)
Now call your girlfriend.
Well, that’s a great first step. Seriously, that is a hard thing and you’ve done it. That took courage, and yes there will be crying and disaster-izing. There’s just no avoiding this unpleasant part, so all the better to have started on it.
I cannot improve upon katlia’s excellent post. Your mom and dad don’t get a vote on your relationship with your girlfriend. Come clean with the gf – same rules apply, no judging her by the first reaction. Yay or nay, let’s see what SHE’S made of. I had a boyfriend in college who had no idea what he wanted, and flunked out. But he’s successful, now. His girlfriend was a dean’s list student and wow, were they obviously mismatched pair. His parents were disappointed and wanted him in the navy.Told the gf to take a hike from the loser.
But he went back, talked his way back in. We’ve been married 34 years.
Anyway. You decide what you want. You can even decide you don’t know. That’s fine. It doesn’t make you a failure, it just makes you uncertain at a young age and that’s nothing unusual or shameful. They can’t make you join the service, it’s (hopefully) panic and grief and fright and worry talking. Parents take this sort of stuff personally, because we feel like we failed you. And your mom may wonder if there are other things she hasn’t been told.
(someone upthread asked about my kid – he returned to school via a reputable online branch of a major U while working. Work reminded him he has many awesome skills, even if homework and planning are not among them. Then he picked up more classes as his assurance returned. Graduated, in his own timeline. Had a job before graduation. I cried that whole day because I was proud of him for not giving up on himself, and I would have cried for a degree or a certificate in basketweaving: It’s hard to get knocked down, and get up again)
OP, you can do this. Just don’t give up on yourself.
Thank you so much to everyone who has replied so far. Seriously, I’m blown away by how much support and great advice I’m getting here. I’m giving my parents time to cool down tonight. In the meantime, I’m currently trying to draw together a plan for myself. As of now, it’s sort of been a thought of mine to become a personal trainer, due to a passion in fitness. That’s an option, but I’m going to have to find a job to pay for the certification. I’ve applied to a few places on Indeed.com.
If anyone can suggest any other good places to search for a job, I would greatly appreaciate it. I’m still concerned with what the rest of my family and friends will think upon finding out, but other than that, my thinking is much more positive than it was earlier. Thanks again to you all.
Unconditional love. Trust me on this. You will get through this, and so will they.
tx, now’s not the time to be hiding from friends. Tell everyone you know you’re looking for a job - this is a good time to be looking and it’s the best way to get leads.
Think about what you enjoy doing – if you are into fitness, perhaps you are someone who does much better, and is happier, when they are moving and doing (one of my kids is like that). Maybe its fitness training, or maybe there are other fields where you are not sitting, reading and writing, as so many college classes require. If there is a particular sport you enjoy, perhaps there are youth leagues where you can get involved, as a coach or volunteer. Brainstorm – what do you enjoy doing, what is your idea of a “good day” – and research from there.
At the same time, prepare to talk next steps with your parents – can some grades be replaced if you repeat a class at a local community college? Can you work and take 1 class at a time? Or is a complete break from school a better option for now? Try not to hold your mom’s thoughts on the military against her – in anger, I’ve threatened my kids with pretty bleak visions of their future when I was worried and felt they weren’t listening and thought I had to shock them (it never works, it just hurts them, I should know better).
And please believe, there are lots of ways to “get there” and it isn’t always a straight path. You have much to offer, and this will work out. Hugs, from a cyber mom.
You took the first, and hardest, step. Congratulations!
I’ve got another success story for you. Many years ago my friend – and now husband – spent much more time programming than attending class. His grades dropped and he withdrew from school. His parents really wanted him to return, so he took a couple of CC classes, reapplied, and returned to his four-year university. Within two semesters he had flunked out. He took a full-time job programming, then another, while taking more CC classes. Ultimately, he found that he enjoyed the job he was in, and gave up on his degree. Within a few years he was working AT a university! He’s been in the computer field for over 30 years, holds a high-level job at a national corporation, and loves every day he spends at work.
Could his road have been easier if he’d gotten his degree? Sure. Also, the professional world has changed and what he did would probably never happen in the 2010s. The principle is the same, though – really focus on what you naturally do well, and what you enjoy doing. Be open to having to take a circuitous route to your goals. And hang in there!
LnkedIn is often a source of job leads. We had success with glassdoor but honestly, just look every day and keep looking. Be Ready to Work, which is as important as Be Perfect Candidate. And yes, when people see you or whatever, you hold your head up and say “my plans have changed, I’m out of school right now, and job hunting in (insert field) . I’m excited to try something new. How are you?” It is good to practice this “elevator speech” out loud. Will some people let you down? Maybe. But if you give off a positive vibe, they will accept this chapter as a natural progression towards a path. If you don’t find something in, a month?, then find a menial day job to keep you busy and employed. Don’t underestimate the appeal of someone who knows how to show up, work, do their best, and be reliable.
You can’t die of embarassment, or we’d all be goners 
Reminding you that you have been living a sham/lie for quite some time. It’s reasonable to expect you yourself, as well as your parents, have to adjust and grieve. Waves of crying, disappointment, anger, fear will come and go…and then go…away. You have lots of choices now – follow your interests and abilities.
-The bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you don’t make the turn-… You’ve hit a bend in the road and now you just need to “make the turn”.
I am sorry that it is taking your parents some time to come around. Hopefully they will, but you can’t count on or wait for them to change, so it is best to let go of that expectation. As long as you realize that you need to take steps to move forward (which is sounds like you are starting to do already, so good for you!) you will be okay. Don’t beat yourself up over this, I don’t know one successful person that didn’t hit a bump in the road at some point–your turn just happens to be now.
Forgive yourself.
Move forward–and if you stumble again…forgive yourself again, and move forward again. Glad that you came clean with your parents-if you haven’t talked to your GF yet–do so as soon as possible. Really, it is the lies and secrets that will haunt you.
You are really young, even if you are an adult. There is no need for a firm plan right now. Just move forward though, no matter what. And I would go to comm college and work hard. Get your grades back up. I really don’t like that some people on CC seem to think comm college is some kind of last ditch attempt or the lowest rung on the ladder of success. I went to comm college and have no regrets about it. I chose to do that, and I could have gone to USC.
Re your girlfriend, it is easy for me to say, but I think you shouldn’t woory too much if she breaks it off, becasue that is an indication she wasn’t the girl for you.
Your parents will get over it. Give them a few days to be annoyed. They still love you.
If you are interested in fitness perhaps working part-time in a gym or club before spending money on personal training certification will give you some insight into the industry. Asking local trainers what they like/dislike about their field could also help. That’s the advice I would give my kids.
Update #3: My parents are much more calm this morning, but they still haven’t quite come around. In the meantime, I’ve set up a meeting with a manager at the gym I’ve been going to in order to take the steps towards becoming a personal trainer there (He actually approached me about it a couple of weeks ago). I’ve also set up another meeting with a coach I met a few weeks ago there to get some insight and sort of let him take me under his wing. I’m open to any job I can get if this leads to nothing, but as of now, I’m putting all of my energy into getting a fitness career off the ground. My parents don’t know any of this, but I’ll tell them once things (hopefully) get set into motion.
My suggestion is you get yourself to a good therapist ASAP. I lost a parent when I was in college, and it threw me off track. Big time. Even as I was drowning, and did not want to be drowning, I had no idea what to do.
Not only did my GPA take a dive, I also failed a class in my major. I felt hopeless. Worthless. Of course, I knew people got depressed, but boy, I really underestimated how it was going to affect my ability to function in my daily life.
Therapy helped. A LOT. Took a couple tries to find a good match. She had excellent suggestions for me on how to take baby steps towards my goals. I did continue with school, but it was not pretty. Took time off. Went back. Bombed. Withdrew. Took a much reduced load. Worked. Paid my bills. Began to feel competent again. I eventually dragged myself across the finish line & graduated.
That was MANY years ago. A distant memory in what has largely been a good, satisfying life.
This does NOT have to determine your self-worth or your destiny.
Asking for help, dragging yourself to get help, is a sign of STRENGTH, not weakness.
You can do it! Good luck!
@tx1996 I’m sorry your parents immediate response was not supportive. Don’t let it get you down; just remind yourself that we all make mistakes and don’t always handle things perfectly. It’s okay and we hopefully learn from our mistakes. In other words, neither you or your parents handled things as either of you would have hoped. That’s okay you will all survive this.
As for family and friends, be prepared with a canned reply to inquiries and don’t feel you need to go into detail. To their comments of shock or disbelief just be ready to saying something such as “Yes, I realize this is surprising. Not the plan I started out with but I’m still trying to figure it all out. For now, I’m going to get a job while I start to figure it out” If you want to add that you are considering looking into personal training do so, but don’t feel compelled to do so. It can be very confusing when you are trying to figure things out with a lot of noise (i.e. opinions) in your ears.
As for the girlfriend, I’m with @Lindagaf that if she breaks it off, she wasn’t the girl for you. You said she is one of the few people in your life that make you happy. While on some level that may be true, you didn’t feel comfortable enough or confident in the relationship enough to be honest with her which means you felt you could not be your authentic self with her. If she ends it, tell her you understand and that it’s probably best that you spend some time just focusing on you right now.
Apologize to your parents and girlfriend, in person or in writing if it is easier for you, for not being honest and move forward. You will survive this. Life is what you make it. Make it a great life. Good luck.
OP, go tell your parents what you’ve told us about the next steps. Don’t do this “I’ll tell them later when it’s worked out” thing. They are your partners, and the more transparent you can be about this sort of planning, the more comfortable (and less angry) they will be. Parents’ worst fears are always about their quasi adult children not having a plan and therefore not having a life and omg WHY DIDNT WE DO BETTERIAMTHEWORSTPARENT kind of stuff.
I suspect you are worried they won’t like the plan, so you are trying to avoid that. Not your best option, imho. Tell them. When they worry or object, tell them the plan. aSk what their concerns are. Listen. Stick to what you want, but have a little compassion for them. Plans are fluid, changeable, you can always reevaluate. Make sure you convey that this is a work in progress. Don’t rule out going back to a academic setting, but don’t be bullied, either.
Keep up the level head. Hug your mom. Tell her your sorry, again. Hug your mom.
Lots of support here on CC! Please keep in mind…many of us who are parents and who seem so supportive and positive here on CC…we are people too. Many of us have said something to one of our kids here or there that we regret or responded to a situation emotionally without using the best words, which we also regret. This is another way of saying…nothing you have said here on CC suggests that your parents’ reaction is anywhere out of the norm. This is a difficult time for all of you. They will adjust as will you. Please don’t put too much weight in some words spoken in the moment. Life goes on! All this seems so difficult but in the scheme of things, it is likely to just be a minor blip in what will be a long, fulfilling life.
Onward and upward!
@tx1996 , I’ve been silently following because I didn’t have any advice that hadn’t already been offered, but I must say I’m impressed that you’ve already come up with a game plan and are pursuing it, and it sounds like you’re feeling a bit better about yourself already.
I know you’ve just told your parents and may not be ready to tell your g/f (or others) yet, but as soon as you feel you can deal with it, I’d just get it over with and tell everyone important in your life so that you can put it behind you and move forward without the cloud of worry on how they will react hanging over your head. We’re just a bunch of strangers and look at the support you’ve gotten here. They are people who know and love you and I think you’ll be surprised at how supportive most of them will be once the shock wears off. If some aren’t and they don’t come around, then maybe it’s better to find out who those people are sooner than later, including your g/f.
You actually sound excited about pursuing a fitness career. Did you feel like that about anything in college? If you’ve been living your life to please others and doing what you feel they expected of you rather than what truly makes you happy, maybe this is your wake-up call that continuing to do so is not the best path to your success.
Keep us posted. Wishing you all the best.
@tx1996 here’s a story that may (or may not) help. My nephew is super-smart. Went to a very good University to study science. It turned out not to be a good choice for him. Didn’t like how dry it was, really wanted to get into teaching, too far from home etc. Did poorly. Didn’t make friends. Left - kind of just shuffled home and didn’t go back. Took a year of CC courses, kicked around a bit at home. Found an education program he loved (Ivy League). Took continuing ed courses there, showed he could excel. Got in as “regular” student into program. Doing great. In fact, probably better for the “re-boot.”
Listen to your dad. Don’t sit around doing nothing. There are tons of routes to success and happiness. Few of them involve sitting around doing nothing.
The GF thing is beyond my paygrade, but if your GF can’t handle you flunking a couple of courses, how’s she gonna do when you get fired from your first job (you will. happens to everyone these days) or you both lose some saving in a poor investment decision (you will. Happens to everyone.) or the great house you both agreed on turns out to be a money pit and you have to move again after six months…
Many of the suggests here are great. This is a drag, but it is a small drag and can be rectified with a little focus, hard work and maturity. Good luck. My guess is you’ll do all right.
I’m just checking back in to tell you I’m still rooting for you, and to remind you to give your girlfriend the same consideration you’re giving your parents. I know others have mentioned that if she can’t handle this maybe you are better off without her – and they may be right – but please keep in mind as you work through this with her that, like your folks, her reality was 180 degrees different up until the moment of your conversation. It may take her awhile to sort through it all and adjust. Be patient, and remember that you kept this from her and she has a right to feel angry/bettrayed/confused about that, just as your parents did. Be patient, ok?