I’m a college senior living off campus with my fiancé and two younger roommates we met in marching band. It’s a little tense at times for reasons I won’t dive into now but I’ve been making it work.
There’s one thing that I really can’t stand. My roommate, let’s call her E, got this dildo as a gag gift or something. It can suction to surfaces. E and male roommate, N, are often playing with it in the open(which is fine, none of my business) but leave it suctioned to walls in the living room, hallway, the mirror in the bathroom and living room, and worst of all, on our fathead of a late football player who died a tragic causes. I am fine if they keep it to their space but I am worried about having guests over and it’s just out there. I’m worried my innocent Christian mother will stop by and she sees it. I worry about the landlord coming in and seeing it. And it really just kind of weirds me out. I’m an engaged woman, I don’t mean to sound too high on my own horse, but I just don’t care to have that sort of immaturity around my apartment space I share and I know my fiancé feels the same way.
The problem is, I already feel super awkward around them already and don’t know how to bring it up. They’re pretty rude to us if they have a problem with something minor but if we have an issue they don’t say sorry or anything (we always do). Another issue is I have social anxiety and my fiancé is too passive to say anything.
What do you recommend I do? Am I overreacting or is it valid that I don’t want rubber genitalia around my apartment?
“Hey E, would you keep Mr. Happy in your room when you’re not playing with it please.”
You don’t owe her any apologies or explanations about your mother or anything else. The more you try to explain or apologize for your request, the weaker it becomes.
The roommate situation is clearly a bad match and it honestly doesn’t sound like it’s going to get better, but it’s only for a few more months. All you can do is act like a grownup until you’re out…which means not letting the kiddies walk all over you. If they ignore your request and continue to leave their toys out when you have company over, you have the choice of leaving it as-is or quickly straightening up by moving the offending items into E or N’s rooms.
Surely they will grow tired of,this thing. How long has it been in the house? I suggest the direct approach as above. If it fails to be put away, it’s time for it to disappear.
I appreciate the thoughtful responses. I will hopefully peacefully confront them about it and ask nicely to never see it again and if they don’t listen… well I like HRSMom’s idea.
It has been around since they moved in, so August. It has made unsightly appearances at the most unopportune of times.
We get to move out in September to our own place. It can’t come soon enough…
You know they’re doing this because it bothers you, right? I’m amused at the thought of a woman who’s engaged and living with her fiance being freaked out by it, but that’s you. Honestly, just STOP talking to them about it, correcting them, complaining about it and they’ll stop. Yes, it’s immature, but you’re making this into way more than it needs to be, and they’re pouncing on it.
I had a similar issue years ago but didn’t speak up. Looking back, I kick myself for not being more assertive. The behavior will not change. Do they even know how much this bothers you? Are they doing this to get under your skin?
The high road wold be to have a mature conversation. Explain that while you appreciate the humour (although it appears very immature) that there is a time and place for it. I suspect that this will not work but it is the adult approach.
The low road is to to turn the table and display it or play with it at a time that would highly embarass them. Maybe bring it out and ask if you could borrow it while they have a date over. Definately stooping to their level. Like I said the low road. It would piss them off but might make them understand your view point.
I like HRSMon approach. I see that as the middle road after taking the high road.
Resist the urge to explain your reasons (though you may politely want to. We polite people want to make sure we’re being fair.) I have found through hard experience that immature people tend to see polite explanations as just a weakness to exploit… For example, if you say you don’t want your mother to see it, they are likely to shoot back with “why do you care what she thinks, aren’t you a big girl, yadda yadda.”
The only think that works with people like that is to be quietly, confidently insistent. "Because the joke had its day and now I’m tired of it…keep it in your room or it’s going in the trash " is good enough. Or if you want to up the ante… “because I’ve got the real thing if I want to see it” should shut them up, lol!
I’d see that it disappeared right before a visit from your “innocent Christian mother” and then let the roommates wonder if your mom is the one who took it.
@sseamom Okay. Deep breath. I’ve never mentioned it to them before, so I don’t need to stop mentioning it. It doesn’t freak me out, I’m just worried about company and it’s just kind of weird. There’s nothing wrong with dildos, I think it’s valid to not want it to be on your bathroom mirror or a fathead of a dead guy. A little disrespectful, don’t you think? They aren’t doing it to bother me, they really just think it’s funny, I promise.
