Okay so I need some advice on how to deal with my roommate. She is super nice but very awkward. So awkward that it makes me uncomfortable to be in the room with her. My dorm is large and a suite style that I share with two other girls also. We have a living room type thing that I mostly spend my time when my roommate is in our room. Over the weekend I had to go home to work at my job. When I was coming back I sent a message to everyone and I was like, “Hey guys I will be back tonight also my boyfriend will be staying over because he is giving me a ride if that’s okay.” And my roommate replies back, “It’s ok if he stays over and sleeps on the couch.”
Like what? Why can’t my boyfriend sleep with me in my bed? We are just sleeping. I am just very angry and don’t know what to say to her. We ended up not even going back to my room because we were both angry and stayed somewhere else. My boyfriend is nothing but polite and is no bother at all. I find it rude that she is telling me who I can and can’t have in my own bed. I am paying for the room and my bed, aka it is also mine and I have a say. She also makes other comments to me about how I do things. I am always polite because I don’t want any issues. But now I am annoyed.
I got back today and she just makes me so uncomfortable I immediately left my room and sat in the living room.
I think it’s creepy that you would sleep with him with her in the room. IMO she’s right.
She’s paying for half that tiny room. Can’t you too sleep in the living room? What, you need privacy? I guess that shoots down the theory that you are “only sleeping.”
Roommate is spot on. She is not obligated to let any third party share your bedroom, let alone one of the opposite gender. Especially because you have a couch in the living room. If you want to share a room with your BF, sleep out there with him or get a hotel. There is nothing wrong with your roommate.
Yes there is. It is college and I am paying for it. If she doesn’t like boys she can go to an all girls school. I am allowed to have guests stay in my room.
Your roommate is also paying for a room - a room with another female, not a male. She was spot on. You are in the wrong on this one. If you wanted to sleep with him you could have shared the couch.
No I don’t need privacy? Sleeping shouldn’t bother anyone. She doesn’t come home until late at night anyways. And people will be sitting in the living room at night so he’s not gonna go sleep there when a bunch of people are sitting there.
Your roommate is also paying for the room. A double, not a triple. Your roommate is right in this one. She should not have to sleep with some guy in her room.
These kinds of things need to be discussed in advance. Wondering if the OP would be happy if the awkward roommate starting inviting an awkward man to sleep over in their shared room.
Your roommate is completely justified when she’s asking for your boyfriend to sleep on the couch. If you’re just sleeping anyway, what’s the difference? There are absolutely no problems with her, and I hope by all of these previous comments stating pretty much the same thing that you’ll realize who’s in the wrong here.
On another note, as someone who will be attending an all womens school in the fall, your comment about how your roommate should be at one “if she doesn’t like boys” is ridiculous and honestly a little offensive.
I would be perfectly fine with her sleeping with other guys in the room. At my old school that was just a given. You both pay for the room you both get to have guests stay over. I find it amusing how she is okay with my boyfriend buying alcohol for her but he isn’t allowed to sleep in the room.
If she feels uncomfortable with him in the room and it’s only for one night, why can’t you just appease her this time and discuss how you’d tackle this issue in the future? Why is this such a big deal? If your old school was fine with it, fine. That’s the way it was. But this is a different school and you need to respect your roommates wishes, even if they differ from your own.
I can only pray that my DD gets an awkward roommate when she goes to college! Good for the roommate for not caving in to the OP.
Likely the roommate is not happy with having “a bunch of people sitting in the living room” at all hours of the night either. But she is dealing with the living situation as best she can. This is likely why she she comes home late at night. Probably coming from the library where she can get some peace and quiet, and maybe even do some studying!
How awkward of her.
Lol I love how you presume all of these things. She is actually in a guys room all night or is part of the bunch hanging out in our living room being very loud and rude. She isn’t awkward in those ways she is awkward in her personality not her actions.
Also I wasn’t asking for anyone’s opinion on the matter. I was asking for advice on how to handle the issue. I have trouble talking with her because she is just so socially awkward. I can’t relate to it and I would like to know how.
Well, the way to handle the situation is for you to apologize to her for putting her in an uncomfortable situation. That might help you build a better relationship.
Note: there have been many threads on CC in which students were asking for help in dealing with a roommate who wanted to have a boyfriend sleep over in the bedroom that they both shared. This idea makes a lot of people very uncomfortable, even people who aren’t awkward in other respects.
So far it seems like it’s been handled as @bodangles described.
After your boyfriend leaves you could (and perhaps should) politely ask your roommate why she preferred that he sleep on the couch and hash out some arrangement for future visits.
Tbh so far I don’t see any real indications of your roommate being particularly socially awkward or inept.