The kid next door is doing an auto mechanics program at a local trade school. When he finishes, he’s going to go to CU in engineering, but able to support himself through college.
At my kids’ very suburban high school, about 1/3 of the students didn’t go to college but instead joined the military (very high number of military families) or just got jobs as waiters, in stores, in factories. Some may go to college at some point, but many won’t and that’s fine.
At the school I work at, every kid goes to college. It’s a college prep school, so college is the target. In fact, 4 year colleges are the target. We’ve had very few kids from our school attend community college.
I know a lot of kids who attend local public schools and from what I hear it seems that most kids do go to college, but a lot don’t. They either go into the military or go into a trade. Or just find a job. Out of the kids who do go to college, Community college also seems much more popular at public schools then at my private school.
I think that’s fine, if you always knew that entering a trade was what you wanted to do. Those people often make out like bandits later in life. My question concerned your child, the one who spent the better part of their life taking nothing but academic subjects, but who gets pulled from his or her college of arts and sciences for partying too much and otherwise living their life on your dime? Somehow, I don’t think they’re going to cut it as a precision machinist (I realize I could be wrong - I don’t know your kid - it just sounds unlikely.)
I think the most likely scenario is a year or two of “living on their own”, then pursuing a degree as a part-time student. That’s the circle I travel in.
At least in my state, most of the people going into the skilled trades begin their training after “traditional” college age, sometimes well after—it’s very common for the trades to be second careers, after someone has realized that making a living as a high-school grad or with a year or so of college and no credentialed skills isn’t going to result in making a good living.
Also, it’s worth remembering that for those who go into licensure right out of high school, there are academic prerequisites—some of them fairly stringent, in fact. Really, a college-prep curriculum is your best secondary-level preparation for becoming a plumber or an electrician or such right after high school.
So yeah, the trades are a completely reasonable route for someone in that situation, as long as they realize that they’re going to have to work for it.
True, but my I ask where I mentioned that my child took academic subjects all their life and then got pulled out of college for partying? I never said that. And where did I say my child was going into the trades? You seem to be making some assumptions based on what I said…or what I said wasn’t clear.
" I think the most likely scenario is a year or two of “living on their own”, then pursuing a degree as a part-time student. That’s the circle I travel in." That’s not most circles in America. And I only know one kid who took a gap year, they were Mormon and it was their time as a missionary.
IOW, well after the age of eighteen.
I dunno, I just thought it was a reasonable assumption after reading this:
Also, parents are NOT required to pay for college. I paid/am paying for both my kid’s college. In return I expect them to act like adults and make the most of their college education. Partying, skipping class, and doing poorly is NOT what I’m paying for. Are my kids perfect? No. Do I expect them to avoid parties? No, but it shouldn’t get in the way of their studying and making good grades. I also expect them not to get in trouble with law. We also told them we will only pay for 4 years of college. Any college beyond 4 years is on them. Sure, if something like a major health issue or something out of their control kept them from graduating on time, we would’ve paid, but that was a we’ll cross that bridge when and if we get there.
Does that seem overprotective? I don’t think so. I’m not made of money and I don’t have the money to pay for endless years of school. I also want my kids to realize that college is for getting a degree, not goofing around. If some parents want to pay for their kids to goof around and not go to class, they are welcome to do so. My husband and I believe that sends the wrong message.>
Hmmm, I don’t know where you got that from. Doesn’t read like that to me. And fortunately neither one of my kids were huge partiers and they both loved college. With all do respect you’re making an assumption on something that wasn’t even mentioned. You don’t know me or my kids and you’re making assumptions on stuff that wasn’t even said. I never said my child was pulled out of school. I have no idea where you got that.
If they had wanted to go to trade school or work right out of college we would’ve supported them as well.
I guess that’s possible elsewhere, but not a single student I know of from my 20 years at our high school has gone to work as a coal miner.
And at our school we have a program where kids can get some trade certificates (like welding) right from high school. It saves their having to go to a trade school afterward.
Not all kids dream of college - not even all who are academically capable of college dream of going there. Quite a few like working with their hands doing a trade. It could be welding, hair dressers, chefs, tattoo artists, web site designers, construction - literally lots of options. But I haven’t met a coal miner as of yet. We have had a couple head out west to work on oil rigs. A couple years ago one went to the Gulf of Mexico to do the same. Believe it or not, but he told me working on those rigs (scuba diving) has been a dream of his for a few years. I haven’t heard back, but I hope he was able to reach his dream.
Oh, I see where the confusion is: I didn’t mean to say that you did pull your kid out of school, but that you would (or, would have) had they conducted themselves poorly. Otherwise, it just sounds like you’re giving advice.
Ah well I was speaking hypothetically…and yes if our kids had acted poorly, we probably would’ve pulled them out or made them pay for their own education. Seems reasonable to me…
Turning a blind eye doesn’t mean that there is not an issue. How are you a responsible parent of a 17 year and 364 day old but when they are 18 yo, you are no longer supposed yo have any say or concerns, that is totally unreasonable and irresponsible.
I think there are very few parents who consider their kids’ 18th birthday a “cliff” between total involvement and 0 involvement. Some parents give their kids more rope early and others later. It was important to us that our kids go away for college so that they had to deal with common problems on their own – dealing with life. College was a great time to learn about time and priority management, budgeting, and living/dealing with consequences of their actions/inactions. For us, it was also important that our kids feel as if there was not a cushy safety net. A little bit of fear of bad choices and creating some hunger to achieve an income/wealth level to aspire to is not a bad thing. Especially for affluent families, too cushy and too readily available of a safety net may create a confusion between “passion” and fantasy and the resulting loss of persistence and necessary practical compromises we all have to make.
I saw 18 as more of a finish line for most of my kids. I never contacted the high school for much, my kids dealt with scheduling, making sure they did what they needed to do with deadlines, find jobs, make appointments, manage money, make medical decisions, research colleges and fill out applications. I recall a bullying situation where the school contacted me, girls were suspended but it didn’t stop, my daughter told me that if I got involved she wouldn’t let me know what was happening (after I called the school). Four of them were well prepared by 18, one was not. We will see what happens this year in college, I expect it to not go well, at this point it’s out of our hands.
Update: in fact, we did make a Target run, though it was nearly unnecessary. We only spent morning and part of the afternoon with him before returning, and it was clear that he was looking forward to being on his own.
I see nothing wrong for one to expect/demand that an adult child must “respect” the sacrifices their parents make to enable them to attend college.
Holding another adult to their end of the bargain is completely different from managing their college experience for them, regardless whether it’s faculty, housing, facilities/services — those details of student and academic life are for the adult student to deal with.
Given that my daughter is in college right now, I consider myself and my attitudes “contemporary”, and was super involved with her schooling - and celebratory of her significant achievements.
However…, the point is that we hope to raise a successful adult, that will function independently. So during the final years of HS, I started to move (was delegated) into the background.
By the time college started, in a different state, I was always available as a consultant, but clearly at this point she better manage to live her own live, rather than me still pushing buttons on some remote control.
Question is, what would the KIDS have preferred. I admit having been a very hands-on and super-involved parent, and I believe it was reflected in her successes - yet was also able to “take a hint” that my job was done, once I had schlepped the last box up to the 5th floor of her freshman dorm.
This was going to be HER big “away” experience, and she sure preferred us not to infringe!
Hopefully other equally loving parents can “read the signs”…
I had a humorous conversation with one of my college aged sons about helicopter parenting yesterday. We were discussing an event that many parents had come for for the weekend and he hadn’t even participated in or really thought about. I told him I thought the event, which had become very popular in recent years, was more for the helicopter parents than for the students. He said we were more like blimp parents - like hovering overhead but not touching down very often. I suggested we were more like submarine parents - he doesn’t see us often but he knows we’re there if he needs us. He liked that one.