<p>
[quote]
CalMom, I think that most of your comments reinforce the idea that fit is extremely important. If your D had found her niche I wonder if the loans would be as stressful for both of you.
[/quote]
You'd be very, very mistaken. The biggest stress point for me every year is the fear that I will have to tell my daughter in August that she cannot return to school in the fall. This is exacerbated by the fact that her college does not provide financial aid awards for continuing students until July, but tuition is due by August -- so I don't have a clue as to how much money I will need to come up with, and then I've only got a month to figure out how to come up with it. It has gone up every single year.</p>
<p>It would be a lot easier if my daughter was not doing well academically at the school and didn't have clear plans involving her major and graduate study. Then I could have a much more laid back attitude about what we could afford. The way it is now I feel that she's put so much effort in that it wouldn't be fair to pull the rug out from under her. </p>
<p>I don't really care about my daughter's social life. She has always been very outgoing and I don't need to financially subsidize a good time for her. The ONLY thing of value for all that money is the education.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think you would be less stressed out about the loans if you felt that your D had a broad base of support ready to facilitate her entry into the adult world- not to mention that she'd feel less isolated socially.
[/quote]
You don't know my daughter and you are really misreading the situation. It's not an "adult world" problem, its more an issue being an adult stuck in a kid's world. I think that the lack of social fit is because my daughter seems significantly more mature than many of her same-age peers. She actually had a much better experience during her sophomore year when she was in a suite with mostly juniors. But her first year she was required to live in an all-freshman dorm, and this year, as a junior, she was stuck on a floor where most of the students are sophomores. Her best friend during her freshman year was a 26-year-old guy who was a non-traditional, returning student. She really is in her elements when she is working or on internships and can socialize with older people; she's age 20 but many of her friends are in their 30's. </p>
<p>I know that sounds like parental bragging, but my d has always been that way -- just way ahead of the curve in that respect. I think she would have been happier if her college had been more flexible about off-campus living -- she had wanted to take an apartment off campus with 2 friends from other schools her sophomore year, but her college won't provide financial aid for students to live off campus, so that wasn't an option. She probably would be very happy if she could live more of a commuter lifestyle.</p>
<p>And no, I'm not worried about her ability to find work after college --I'm worried about the economy as a whole. I just think the economy is going to get worse before it gets better, and if my d. gets into the graduate program she wants, then she will have to finance it entirely from loans and will come out in 2 years with a master's degree and at least $60K worth of debt.</p>
<p>
[quote]
frankly, it sounds like the college, however wonderful academically, hasn't been a fit. No???
[/quote]
You know, its not summer camp - I think that a lot of parents and students treat college as if that is what is supposed to be, and that is probably one thing that really drives my d. crazy. When I went off to law school, it never occurred to me to visit the school or to look at anything other than the general outlines of the program, cost, and relative quality/prestige of the schools I was looking at. I hated law school, but not as much as just about every other lawyer I've ever met. I went to law school because I wanted to be a lawyer, not because I wanted to hang around with a bunch of miserable, egotistical and ambitious law students for 3 years. I put my GOALS way ahead of any consideration of personal comfort. </p>
<p>I think my daughter saw things the same way -- she's always thinking a step ahead of everyone else in terms of long-term goals. So it really is not about "fit", unless you redefine "fit" in purely objective, academic terms -- and then the criticisms she would level at her college would have to do with distribution requirements and specific course requirements for her major. I don't know if that's what you mean by "fit" or not. But the bottom line is she still had to choose among the colleges she got into and that we could afford-- she would probably have preferred Gallatin at NYU, but their financial aid sucked so it didn't happen. But I don't know if the academic environment there would have lived up to her expectations.</p>