<p>Carnegie Mellon does charge by room size, I was startled. We ended up paying more because my son waited till the last day to choose CMU, OTOH he ended up with a huge room, bedroom approx 12 x14 and a living/dining/kitchen area that was 14 x 24. It did seem fair to charge more, though I do agree you run the risk of stratifying by income. I thought they easily could have put three freshmen in that room, but they didn’t.</p>
<p>BTW my son (who arrived first) took the bed he wanted and the freestanding wardrobe which was smaller than the closet, since he had very little to put in that closet. As it turned out his roommate had a lot more stuff, but he arrived several hours later, we waited a bit and then started unpacking. At some point the roommate decided to move his bed out into the living room, though he ended up spending most of nis nights with a girl friend elsewhere.</p>
<p>I’m glad your son feels confident enough to contact the roommate ahead of time, strawbridge. Leaving the room selection up to chance would be fine under most circumstances, but it truly sounds like your son would do much better in the back room. On the other hand, the other boy may be feeling the same way, so better to have everything ironed out before move in day.</p>
<p>Midwestmom, My roommate showed up a day earlier than I did. She kept everything packed up and only made a bed. When I arrived, she told me that she wanted us to decide together and that switching beds would be no problem. I have never forgotten that kindness. We never became best friends, but we had a very peaceful, respectful relationship.</p>
<p>I simply do not want my child’s first steps into the adult world of living with someone who is not a family member to be “fist come, first served, so tough.”</p>
<p>For the OP, I very much hope that my son will be as mature and considerate as yours is being.</p>
<p>No, it’s not that they don’t care. It’s that the same people who would be too polite to allow their child to grab the best bed are the very same parents who are too polite to make a fuss. </p>
<p>Believe me, we quietly reassure our children that while it looks like that child got the good deal, the better deal is always being the person ready to listen to others needs/concerns, voice their own and then work together for the best outcome for the group.</p>
<p>pizzagirl, I can imagine that in some room set ups, it’s truly does not matter. But my own dorm was a good example. It was a small room with one bed near the door to the hallway and one near the door to the bathroom. My roommate told me she had made the bed near the bathroom because she got up a few times a night and did not want to disturb me. No problem. I hope that if I had arrived early and taken that bed, she would have said something but in my experience, it’s far easier to negotiate when the stuff in piled in the middle. </p>
<p>Plus, I’ve just heard so many stories from adults about getting off to a bad start thanks to parents (it’s always the parents) of roommates who showed up and completely unpacked their child before they even showed up. Also, having been a camper and a parent of a camper, I’ve seen parents unpack kids and stand territorially by the bed even when another camper has a perfectly reasonable request for requesting a bed change. </p>
<p>I’ve also had the satisfying experience of moving everything around once the territorial parent left and their kid, wanting to change the group dynamics, said, “I think you wanting my bed is fine, let’s change it.”</p>
<p>I must be old-school. Every dorm room I’ve ever lived in or seen was just a room with equal beds, desks, etc. and it really was pick the right or pick the left! Or, one bed might have been lofted and the other not, but if you picked the lofted bed, the other kid could loft his bed too if he desired so no harm, no foul.</p>
<p>I agree that is isnt about “not caring”, but more about practicality. My s’s have each been through freshman college move-in and each spent 3 summers at the Duke TIP program, so we’ve had lots of experience with setting up the ol’ dorm room with unfamiliar roommates. If we arrive early, we usually have lots to do to get things organized and then run to the store for all the stuff they either forgot, didn’t know they needed, or decided they didn’t want to haul with them. Then there is a certain time that we had to be outta there b/c the kids had meetings/orientation. In a few cases, the roommate didnt show up until late in the day. I don’t think it was reasonable/necessary for us to have to wait around all day to be PC before any unpacking could be done. This was especially true for the summer programs, where they are only there for 3 weeks. But in each case DS’s were polite and asked the roommate if the current arrangement was ok or if they wanted to change. Never been a problem. In both cases, s’s freshman rooms were set up as essentially mirror images, so it didnt really matter whether they took the desk/bed on the left or right wall (and they lofted them anyway), except for maybe where the plugs were located.</p>
<p>Funny thing I noticed when moving in-- the girls rooms were set up neatly, beautifully, often with coordinated matching stuff and pictures all on the walls-- done within the first few hrs of move-in. The guys rooms looked like a wreck, with stuff still in plastic bins or thrown on the bed… but the tv/videogame/electronics were all set up!!</p>
<p>I really don’t think it’s “PC” to wait to unpack everything. Is the idea that children old enough for college are too young to unpack their rooms? </p>
<p>However, if a student cannot/will not unpack on their own, then a sincere question by the unpacked person if everything is okay is certainly fine. </p>
<p>I’m speaking more of situations where there is a difference that can matter. The OPs situation is an extreme example of this but there can be others that we may not see but matter very much to the other roommate. And just showing up early or posting a public note seems a terribly rude way to deal with it when an old fashioned, polite conversation ahead of time could get everyone off to a much better start.</p>
<p>In our case, we were taking much of the luggage back with us, and had to get it unpacked. Also, since they didnt have cars, doing some basic unpacking let us know what they forgot to get and had to pick up (like s’s pillow last year!). Also measured for the plastic stackable drawers that we ran to wal mart to get (would have not been easy for him to try to get on a later run with classmates). It was easier for us to do this with our car. And it was one of the last things I’d get to do with/for my kid b4 we headed off-- I kinda enjoyed that opportunity. He was certainly capable of unpacking (though I am pretty sure a lot of the stuff that was in the plastic bins under his bed never saw the light of day all year last year. Looked like it was the way we left it when he moved in!)</p>
<p>DD was one of the students who arrived at her dorm on appointed day last August, only to find that roommate and her mother had arrived a day early and without permission of housing ( a big NO NO) chosen side of room that she wanted and completely moved in. Attitude of the mother set the tone for what turned out to be a disastrous year from the roommate perspective. </p>
<p>If housing can work with OP and sleep specialist to come up with a pre-selected assignment, then OP will have a much clearer chance of maintaining some semblance of a sleep schedule while avoiding unnecessary hard feelings. There are so many things to deal with when a student leaves home-so IMO, anything that can be done to accommodate this student’s needs and to be mindful of others concerns provides the best chance for success.</p>
<p>^^^ Well I can see why that would be bothersome. Was there some good reason why the roommate and her mom slipped in a day early?? Gosh, one of my s’s current roommates wanted to move in an hour before they are supposed to this upcoming Sat and got threatened with a $$ fine by the RA!</p>
<p>When we were in college we didnt meet our roommates til we arrived, so there was no way to plan in advance. Now, with cellphones, texts, cameraphones, facebook, etc, they can be in as much commmunication as they want/need to be once they get their contact info. My freshman roommate was one of those who arrived early, picked the bed and desk by the window, the bigger closet, etc (without ever saying/asking a thing), which was only mildly irritating. I figured she got their first, so got to pick first. That was ok. She and her parents were nowhere to be found when I arrived that day.</p>
<p>She was, however, a terrible roommate and very selfish (I could have done without the frequent visits by her bf after I was in bed). That was rude and inconsiderate. The move-in stuff was probably a sign of things to come, but a minor annoyance in comparison. I got myself a single after that. Loved it.</p>
<p>My kids have done a similar program to Duke TIP and I <em>totally</em> agree. We got to the room, unpacked, got the empty luggage back into the car, and then went for lunch or whatever before we had to leave. I saw no need to wait around and waste my time until the roommate arrived! How the heck would I know when they were going to show up? The right and the left were essentially equal.</p>
<p>Were the sides appreciably different, though? If they weren’t, then I don’t see the big deal of first-come-first-serve (though I do agree one shouldn’t break the rules in terms of when to move in).</p>
<p>This is making me nervous for Saturday when D moves in. She did email her roomie though to see when she was planning to arrive; suggested that perhaps it would be easier to set up the room together. That seemed to be favorably received. </p>
<p>I remember my freshman year when we were 4 girls in 3 rooms- 2 smaller rooms which were used as singles and the outer room which was a double. We switched at the semester and I moved to the double. Only problem? The way the room was configured (by room dimensions, not by the furniture) led to a great deal more privacy for my fellow room-sharer. </p>
<p>Boys I think are different. When my son arrived at school, his roommate had arrived and taken the bed by the window, by the sink, by the bathroom; son was by the door. There was no floor space because the bed headboards were against one wall, jutting out into the room rather than flush or bunked. It was a very awkward arrangement but there was little that could be done at that point. Worked fine for the roomie. Son didn’t want to rock the boat and just wanted to get along. So that was that.</p>
<p>What is your MBTI, pizzagirl. I agree with you (obviously). Sitting around all day wondering when the roommate might show up so we could go about our business and unpack would have made me stir crazy. Especially when the rooms are mirror images, what difference does it make? When older s moved into his room, he found he had extra hangers, so was able to give them to his roommate and save the roommate a trip to the store as he was unpacking. This particular roommate liked his shirts hung up and neat (he even brought an iron. I have yet to see my s pick up an iron). The rest of the room looked like a bomb hit it, but that roommies shirts were pristeen! Oh, and we ahd his parents got along great! And older s and his roommie got along great, and roomed together all 4 yrs.</p>
<p>Some parents/kids are pushy, some are not. Entitlement run amuck. Heck, this has been an ongoing dynamic since, what, pre-school? Maybe parents should be stopped at the front door of all dorms! :). Agreed, if both sides are totally the same, then maybe it doesn’t matter so much. But it’s about courtesy and respect, I think, more than closet size. Clearly the parents who posted about getting there first and setting up had no problem with that. And I’ve known of at least two who somehow got around the move-in time requirements. Maybe they should think about how they would have felt in the reverse situation. Would they really and truly not have cared at all?</p>
<p>Luckily, in both kids’ cases…the dorm room “choices” were equal. Both beds were equally uncomfortable. Both closets were equally small. Both desks were equally small. Both dressers (each had their own) were equally small and ill placed. Rooms had no preferential “side” or area. No bunked or lofted beds…etc. I guess sometimes living in an OLD, not renovated dorm has its advantages.</p>
<p>Pushy, entitlement, all these negative words. I’d probably be more annoyed if we sat around all day waiting to be “fair” and then the roommate was demanding or unreasonable, or what if we left for lunch, came back and the roommate had arrived and set up shop? Especially if the room is pretty identical, I dont think its unreasonable (pushy, entitled or whatever) to make a choice. They can always change. What about those parents who have planes to catch or whatever. My roommate got there first, and first come, first served, I guess. I didnt see it as that big of a deal, though it would have been nice for her to offer to change something if need be. She didnt, and that was not considerate. There are plenty of ways to be fair and polite without having to sit on your butt all day waiting for someone whose schedule you do not know.</p>
<p>Just wondering—
Doesnt it take a student ID to get into the bldg (electronic card access) and key to open the dorm room?? How could the girl and her mo get this before move-in day (assuming it was freshman year when no ID was yet issued)</p>