<p>Here's my story: son goes to a small private school now, all boys. He is in 8th grade and has been there 4 years. He loves the school. Here's the problem: the school has a 9th grade that is very small. It is mostly composed of boarding student boys, and a few day boys. Most are there because they want to try out boarding in a safe environment before going on to boarding school for high school. A lot them "repeat" grade 9 when they do go to a boarding school.</p>
<p>My son applied out to several day schools for grade 9. He is an excellent student and had great SSAT scores, so we were somewhat surprised to find that he only got into 2 schools and was WLed at 4. My son is lukewarm about all the schools now. Says he wants to stay where he is for 9th grade. Says he will even be a 5 day boarder if that is what it takes to go back to his school. DH and I don't want him to do this; based on the results he got applying for 9th, we feel applying for 10th the odds would be even more fierce. </p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with the 2 day schools he was accepted at. He has done revisits at both, and seemed to be leaning towards one of them. Should we just put our feet down and make him go? He is adamant about staying for grade 9, but I don't want to pay another year's tuition to have him repeat 9th when he goes to another school. He doesn't need to; he's smart and he has a Fall birthday, so he's not overly young either.</p>
<p>But, DH and I feel high school should begin in 9th, not 10th. Any suggestions/ideas/comments? We're battling heavily about this in the last days before we have to make a decision of yes or no on the other 2 schools.</p>
<p>This is mostly a boarding school forum, although lots of parents have experience with high quality day schools. </p>
<p>Personally, I would be unhappy about paying out an extra 30k for repeating 9th grade unless it resolves a maturity issue that would produce a particular outcome you were seeking. For example, there is always a percentage of kids who repeat ninth grade because that one year difference improves their chances of being admitted to a top boarding school. In your case though, it sounds like the only reason for repeating 9th at his current school is because it would be easier socially. However, your son would still face a transition the following year to one of the local day schools and so it’s really just discomfort postponed, not avoided, and you’re 30k poorer. If, on the other hand, one of the four schools he didn’t get into would be amenable to admitting him for ninth (or tenth) grade if he had an extra year in his current situation, then maybe it would be worth it. Otherwise, I don’t see the point of staying.</p>
<p>At our pre-prep, I haven’t noticed a difference between 8th and 9th grade outcomes at graduation. If anything, the ninth graders are slightly (very slightly) more likely to attend the really big name boarding schools. </p>
<p>If he was accepted at two schools, but waitlisted at four, reapplying next year might bring better results. Has he had the big growth spurt yet? Many boys change radically when puberty really gets going. The waitlists might reflect concern on the part of Admissions Officers that he’s “young for his age.” If he’s academically outstanding, then that would seem to be a possible factor. (I don’t know your son. Forgive me if I’m off base.)</p>
<p>Repeating when going from ninth grade to a new school is an option, but it isn’t obligatory. If he strongly wants to stay at his current school, allowing him to stay and mature isn’t a bad thing, is it?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t use the word “force”, but that’s what would happen in our family.
The choice for the child would be between the two day school options.
I would have thought the revisits would have your son more excited. Is there more that you can do to encourage excitement about either of the day schools? I would think about setting up a meeting with a coach of a sport he plans to play in high school, or a teacher who supervises whatever EC he’s looking forward to, or a lunch with a current student.</p>
<p>How does attending 9th grade at his current school (where he knows the teachers and may have friends) harm him? Why would you think that he would have to repeat 9th grade if he graduated and went somewhere else?</p>
<p>My daughter is entering prep school as a 10th grader. I did. My sister did. We have had both day students and boarders in our family (my sisters, my children) so I know both sides. It was one of the best decisions we made to have her stay home one more year. She’s ready for the experience, it gave her time to say goodbye and it gave her closure.</p>
<p>I think you are correct - you are “forcing” a decision that may not make any real difference. Unless there is a significant problem with the 9th grade classes at his current school, he should be fine.</p>
<p>Besides -smaller classes may mean more individualized attention.</p>
<p>Or perhaps I am misunderstanding the situation?</p>
<p>I couldn’t disagree more! Labbydog’s son “loves” his current school and is an excellent student there . . . why in the world would anyone encourage forcing him to change schools unless there is a very compelling reason to do so? And labbydog and spouse’s view that high school “should begin in 9th, not 10th” is not, in my view, such a compelling reason.</p>
<p>Ninth grade boys are among the most socially inept creatures on the planet. If labbydog’s son has found an environment where he’s happy and thriving, I can’t see much to be gained by trying to force him into a different situation. He’s already agreed to be a 5-day boarding student . . . apparently a concession to what he perceives as his parents’ expectation that it’s time for him to grow up and go to BS.</p>
<p>There’s no rule that says that kids from any particular school must repeat a grade if and when they go away to boarding school. And for a child who’s an excellent student and chronologically mature for his grade, there may be absolutely no reason to do so. And labbydog’s son’s chances of getting in to a good bs are going to increase in direct proportion to his interest in attending such a school. So his mediocre results this year are not a reliable predictor of how he’ll do the next time he applies.</p>
<p>The general consensus on this board, from what I’ve seen in my brief time here, is that the campaign to secure a spot in a good school will always be most successful when it is led by the student, and not by the parents.</p>
<p>Labbydog, I know that you want your son to grow and have the very best opportunities available . . . but give him some credit for perhaps knowing what is best for him at this particular moment in time. Even if this means (worst case scenario) forfeiting an opportunity to attend a truly exceptional school, it won’t be the end of the world for him!</p>
<p>The harsh truth is that admissions at day high schools in the Boston area is fierce. (much fiercer, I think, than in your day, ExieMITAlum!) For nearly all of the schools, 9th is the admissions year, and the only slots in 10th are from those who drop out of a school - generally about 5% on average. I don’t think there is any reason to think that the OP’s son needs a maturing year - I suspect he is just a victim of the numbers.
Are there any schools at which he is WL that would be a better fit (in his eyes or yours)? You might have to lose a deposit, but a few spots may open up soon.</p>
<p>Agree with Periwinkle, it seems to me too that 10th grade application (to BS) outcome is always a bit better than 9th grade. I am not sure about the day schools though.</p>
<p>Speaking of different ideas between parents and the child, I just sign the contract and wrote the deposit check to a school chosen by my son, although I think another one is better for him.</p>
<p>My suggestion is to get feedback from trusted advisors at his current school. You don’t have to follow the advice they give - but you might get information that would assist in your decision. For example, the current school would probably be able to provide feedback on your son’s chances for next year (2011 start date) and what the admissions process would be like. </p>
<p>I agree with the comments that 10th grade admissions for Boston area day schools presents very low and unpredictable odds. It is not just the fact that schools may accept just a few 10th graders - it is that they are looking to round out a class and there is no way of knowing if your son has the attributes they prefer for that class.</p>
<p>My suggestion is to talk through a realistic set of options with your son. 9th grade at his current school may lead to his not being accepted to a 10th grade in any day school. The choices would then be boarding (if he applies and you support) or public.</p>
<p>I truly think it’s important for someone to go to a school because they love it, not because they were forced to go. I’m in 8th grade also, and I know many people who applied to and plan on attending a private school (me included). I think the kind of decision you make can really make or break your experience at that school. </p>
<p>If your son does decide to apply to other schools as an incoming sophomore, I really don’t think he’ll have that many problems. My friend went to a similar middle school, and applied to several other schools as a new sophomore, and she got accepted at all of them. Good luck!</p>
<p>I’m still firm in my assertion that students forced to go to a specific school may not “suddenly” warm up while there. And it shows up in college interviews.</p>
<p>No one can tell you what is or is not the right decision for your son - but I would recommend reading the book “THE GIFT OF FEAR” which concludes we override our instincts with rationalizations.</p>
<p>Yes - it may be harder to get into a 10th grade program (it was for us) so I know how fierce the competition is. But could it be that your son’s lack of success in getting into other schools is because the school’s could feel that lack of enthusiasm?</p>
<p>My oldest didn’t want to attend a local private school. We dragged her there for a single day shadow experience. She left that evening loving the experience and had changed her mind.</p>
<p>That - for us - was the difference. She realized she wanted to go.</p>
<p>Your son does not. Life isn’t fair - but forcing your son to a new school may backfire in the end.</p>
<p>I think - perhaps - you should find a counselor who can sit down with you and your son to sort it all out. Because he may warm up - or he may not. And many kids who do not warm out end up with lower grades - or worse - get kicked out. Everything he does from now on will count for college. EVERYTHING.</p>
<p>And I’ve asked students how they felt about their school experiences. The one’s who shrug but don’t have a good enough reason, tend to be the ones that are not admitted or waitlisted. Because if they lack enthusiasm for high school, what makes us think it will get better in college.</p>
<p>Find a place your son likes and feels he can thrive in. Parents can only do so much.</p>