Is my common app essay idea too risky?

College Essays
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I already finished my tenth draft on my common app essay and I think my essay idea is extremely risky. I don’t want to get into a whole lot of detail, but to be blunt, I was a part of a religious cult for most of my life. In the essay, I describe the stories I listened to from the cult members, and how their unique stories, despite being part of a cult, had helped me learn to not judge and to be open to listening to people’s stories.

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I’m not an expert. Maybe a super moderator can help more. But, my two cents. It depends how you present it, It could be extremely interesting and unique. keep their attention. can you also have an english teacher and GC look it over?

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I could do that. Do you know of any websites that can review my essay for free? Ones with retired admission officers or college essay readers. I feel that a stranger reading it will give a good estimate of how it will be perceived by AO.

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I don’t know of any. I ran it by my AP English teacher and my college guidance counselor. I thought it was helpful. Do you have anyone at school who can do that?

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Hey! You could try out collegevine’s peer editing service! I love it; it is so helpful!

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Is that a straightforward cheating?

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This topic will take finesse, but it could be a terrific essay if done well. The pitfalls to avoid are:

  1. making it all about other people - it ultimately has to reflect on YOU and the unique perspective you would contribute to a college community.
  2. making it a Tale Of Woe or a litany of how you were wronged - it’s fine to discuss adversity but you don’t want to cross the line of writing from a place of victimhood
  3. indicting people’s beliefs in a way that could make the reader feel judged for their beliefs

So, it’s tricky, but you sound as if you’ve thought these issues through.

You’re welcome to PM me if you’d like me to take a look (I’m a parent who’s worked on essays with my own kids, others that I’ve mentored IRL, and several here on CC). I also have a close friend who grew up in a cult herself, and I’m sure she’d be happy to offer feedback if you wanted. Definitely do NOT post your essay here or anywhere, and don’t share it with anyone who doesn’t have an established reputation. (I’m wary of the peer editing idea - no guarantee that a peer you don’t know couldn’t “borrow” your writing.) There’s a thread that has a list of willing essay editors, somewhere, but I haven’t figured out the new format well enough to find it.

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At a high level, I believe that essays need to prove that you’ll be successful in school and beyond. If you feel that this topic will appropriately represent you in essay that is genuine to your upbringing and adds the right context for readers, then I would go for it.

I work with a lot of vulnerable youths who feel like they need to write about the most dramatic part of their lives. They feel compelled to share that they maybe witnessed violence or lost a family member, but those stories are often not the most compelling part of them as a prospective student and so it’s not entirely appropriate for a personal statement. Therefore, I would caution writing about specific things that happened to you that you feel will help you stand out or be unique but actually doesn’t give admissions readers any insight into whether you’ll be successful there.

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