My only child went through her college search and decision process last year. Fortunately she is very happy where she is although I suspect she would have been happy at most of the schools where she was accepted. As I surf CC these days it makes me wonder if all of the worry and drama was worth it. If a student works hard at any of the top 100 schools where they are comfortable and has the field of study the student wants to pursue is that not the general formula for success?
IMO, no it’s not for 99% of students. Others disagree with me though- and that’s fine. I think it really, truly depends on the student. Some thrive in that kind of extremely competitive environment and some do not.
In my own case, I am not a hyper-competitive person. I was one of those very good but not great students and I only applied to two schools (accepted to both- one a “top CC school”)- and chose the lower ranked one where I thought I’d be happier. Today, I’m a PhD student in a top 3 program for my area of study and have a masters from another top-ranked program. Most of the other people in my department went to top LACs and/or Ivy-league schools; I am the outlier.
It’s all about the student. IMO, most smart, driven students will do well no matter where they’re at.
OP, you’re ALMOST right. Good students can do well even if they choose a college that is not in the “top 100”. That’s because there are schools with great attributes even though they don’t fall into some arbitrary ranking. My D, who is applying to colleges this year tells people that all of the colleges she is applying to are her favorites. She is a strong student and works very hard and will indeed do well anyplace. Her role models are adults who went to “lower ranked” colleges but are still quite successful in any number of careers.
^^^ Agree. My friends who went to directional univs well out of the top 100 all have fine careers, families, and lives.
@sseamom My D took the same approach in her applications and it took a lot of the high-stakes fear before May 1. Good luck to your D.
I do think you can choose to be happy, to make any situation work. My kids are happy at their schools, but I think they’d be happy most places. One of the things I think makes them happy is that they are not financially strapped, so can enjoy a few of the extras the schools offer.
“it makes me wonder if all of the worry and drama was worth it. If a student works hard at any of the top 100 schools where they are comfortable and has the field of study the student wants to pursue is that not the general formula for success?”
- We were in the same position with our D. We actually had a ball and fully enjoyed the process as our D. had the same attitude: " I will do fine anywhere". By “anywhere”, she did not even mean the top 100 UGs, she simply did not check the rankings and we did not either. She choose the college based on her personal criteria. She took research very seriously, visited her finalists several times, with overnights and even stayed with the potential varsity team (ended up not doing varsity at college later), talked to current students, walked the campuses, my H. went for the dad’s specific event that included overnight. So, her decision was based on very serious and deep research and at the end it worked well beyond our family expectations. D. ended up attending in-state public that was practically a perfect match to her personality and very wide range of interests, including presenting the opportunities that were well beyond our imagination. The end goal of being accepted to Med. School(s) was also accomplished with more great choices than predicted.
As I mentioned, we all enjoyed the process greatly and the memories still bring smiles. D. has praised her choice time and again.
And talking about financial side…since D. had chosen to attend at the place that offered her full tuition Merit award, we decided to foot her Med. School bill, so she has graduated this year debt free, which is a minority group among med. school graduates. Wise decision happened to pay off for her!
I heard many times here on CC, “good for your D., it has worked for her”. Wrong approach! Any UG will work for the student with hard working ethic, absolutely any place. I know great success stories of kids just like my D., who is not any exception at all.
With my oldest, it was clear to us that a large Univ was the place for her, but quite frankly she would have been happy at any of them that she applied to.
With my youngest, a smaller college was the way to go and many of them would have worked out well.
Both were good values.
I think that’s often true, but by no means always. Otherwise, so many students wouldn’t be transferring after their first or second years. Both my D and I were fairly miserable at our first schools, and very happy at the ones we transferred to. The overall campus atmosphere is not the same everywhere. For some students, that doesn’t matter. For others, it does.
Yes.
I have had a very similar question!
I want to understand what is really at stake, in terms of picking a college…
It is obvious that going to a top school can open a lot of doors. But if someone doesn’t go to a top-tier school, does that necessarily mean that doors are going to be closed? And if so which doors will be closed? Can anyone help with any specifics?
I really want to hear people’s replies because I don’t know what to think about this among all the pressure!
Thank you!
In my circle of friends, not one went to a top tier school, meaning an Ivy type. Most of us went to state schools, a few to bigger private schools, OU is one. Everyone has done well. None of us had the background where those other types of schools would’ve been attainable. My husband put himself through the local state school. Took him seven years, but he did it and was able to spend a year overseas.
It seems like a very different world now. My son wants to be out of state and in a big city, so that obviously opens up a ton of choices. He has great stats except for his test scores, which are good, just not great, so that rules out the super-competitive schools. I guess what I’m thinking is that I’ve had the same thoughts lately. I’ve really wondered if this is all worth it. But, in the end, I think at this point, he needs a lot of options before he’ll be ready to make his decision. I think he would be happy at many places, but he will feel better having really looked at a lot of options. It is stressful, but I’m learning a lot and I don’t think we’ll have any regrets. I do wish I’d found this forum sooner though!
My kid has a B+ avg., a high-ish test score, and… after visiting several schools, vastly preferred a couple of lower-ranked (NOT in the top 100, or even the flagships…) state schools. She went totally by how she liked being on the campus, and if she’d get a merit scholarship or discount there… and by size.
I never told her about rankings or reputations, mainly because she’s been on the verge of burning out since junior year, and I didn’t want to add to her stress. Tbh, we encouraged her to take a gap year and just work, even part-time and maybe volunteer somewhere, and take some deep breaths… But she’s the one who insists on forging ahead.
Honestly, with her test score, and the number of AP and Honors courses she took, I think she could get into “better” schools and I tried to steer her to small LACS that were more nationally or regionally known… (I’m actually the one who agonized over schools, not her!)
But she didn’t like the small LACS and didn’t apply. The school that is her current favorite, and where she’ll probably end up, many folks outside the upper Midwest have never heard of… heck, many people in the Chicago area have never heard of it. It doesn’t matter - She is HAPPY AND EXCITED about the three low-ranked schools she applied and was admitted to. To me, right now, that is success for her! A year ago, she was burned out and didn’t even want to talk at all about college…
I admit, some of the talk on CC about “top 100” and “settling for the state flagship” school, has me slightly (only slightly, though) concerned about her future prospects. But I think as long as she has the motivation and drive to seek employment and the ability to think outside the box in her job hunt (and I can help her with that), she’ll be fine.
She says when she graduates, she wants a job that has regular hours, benefits, where she can wear nice clothes, :), and she gets to help figure some things out and it’s not “mindless” busy work… and it pays enough for her to afford rent and a cheap vacation. :).
So far, she’s still in the academic rat race of multiple APs and tons of homework, and she’s not exactly going for the ultimate reward of a high-ranked school. So, was it worth it for her to do this? Maybe it was, in that she is starting to realize she needs to be in a less competitive environment, for her own sanity - yet she’ll still be able to earn a Bachelor’s degree.
I know my D’s situation may not be like others… But for my husband and myself, we are happy to see her choose a school that will likely not be a pressure-cooker, and hopefully that will be the foundation for her to succeed.
Much depends on whose angst you’re talking about: the student’s or the parents’? Both of my kids were pretty laid-back about the process: high school activities and grades, testing, applications. Those things happened. No. 1 kid didn’t want to make any college visits. He took tests in stride, (ACT, SAT and SAT II’s, AP’s). (He had taken the SAT a number of times for the Northwestern University CTD program as well as for the NMS.) There was little doubt he would score high when he took exams. When I picked him up after he’d taken the Math II for the first time, I asked him “How’d you do?” He said, “Oh, I got 800.” “How do you know that?” I asked. “I answered all the questions, and I had time to check my work.” He was right. No wrong answers.
He did not have a particular “dream school” on his list. He basically left it to me and his mom to do the college scouting and scheming. He got into several excellent LAC’s and universities, a couple of which (instate universities) he had visited in connection with his involvement in high school debate. After the acceptances arrived he made his very first visits to a couple of the out-of-state colleges that had admitted him (colleges that we had put on his list), while holding the instate flagship as his backup.
Upon doing an overnight at one of those out-of-state colleges on accepted students’ day, he quickly announced the next morning: “This will do.” End of process. While this is an involved process – with all that testing and essay writing – it was not anxiety-inducing for him, and only slightly more so for us.
The angst come from many sources including parents, the student and their peers.
I described in my previous post how free of angst the college search and admission process was for #1. The basic underlying reasons were: (a) he was not fixated on getting into certain top schools; he’d have been quite happy attending the excellent flagship university; (b) with his background, admission to the flagship was all but guaranteed. Perhaps his strongest additional wish was that the college be in a “major league city,” by which he meant major league sports! The flagship would qualify sort of on this dimension b/c it was a major Big Ten university.
For #2, the process was definitely anxiety provoking. She wanted to attend an art school. She and we knew very little about these schools or the admission process. Grades and test scores were of modest importance. Artistic talent was critically important. Was she talented enough, and could she demonstrate that in her portfolio? In this case, we made a wide search, partly to educate our daughter and ourselves about the process and prospects. She wanted to attend school in a “real city,” preferably in the East. Although she had decent grades in a complete academic program as well as decent test scores, how good was her portfolio? That was determined in part by some success she had in local art competitions but especially by her attending a couple “national portfolio days” at which she got reviews and advice from several art colleges, including encouragement for her to apply.
But how would she hold up against the competition? And how could she polish her final portfolio? What would happen if she didn’t get into her favorite schools? She told us what would happen: she would attend the local community college, improve her portfolio, and apply to art schools again the next year. Whaa? No way! She should apply to the instate universities, we told her. They have decent art programs! But she wouldn’t consider those universities. “I don’t want find myself in college sitting next to kids from my high school.”
In short, this was an uncertain and difficult process for her and us. She had no schoolmates or friends who had gone through this experience before. Although she gained some sense of her talent relative to others by attending pre-college summer art programs, we couldn’t predict the outcome. She applied to 5 art schools along a scale of “degree of difficulty” of admission, ranging from Kansas City (not in the “east”) to Providence (not a “real city,” in her opinion). Then what happened? Nothing but “big envelopes.” A very happy outcome, and we finally stopped holding our breath. She decided that Providence was “enough of a city” and was only 3-4 hours from NYC by train or bus (she was never attracted to Boston, only 1 hour away).
If you don’t use a particular brand of shampoo, the effects will cast a shadow over the rest of your life. You will be a social loser, not land the right job or mate, not afford the right house or car, and ultimately end up with inferior offspring.
Choice of major will have a bigger impact than choice of school, but most people spend way more time focused on the school. They would be better off to investigate majors more thoroughly.
Not sure the angst is worth it, but also not sure it is avoidable. Some are anxious about prestige and name recognition, some are anxious about affordability, some are anxious about simply getting admitted somewhere, and there are dozens of other worries that go with the whole transition. When one finds a good enough school, at a good enough cost, in a good enough location and ends up satisfied, that’s a wonderful thing.
Worrying that choosing the “wrong” college will affect someone’s success later in life is no less absurd than believing that choosing the “wrong” high school will prevent a student from attending a good university. It’s about the student, not the school. Certainly, some institutions put an overwhelming majority of their students in a position to succeed, but you still need to do the work. Yes, it’s more difficult to do well at an underfunded school with few native English speakers, a low SES student body, and a dangerous neighborhood, but if you do the work that shouldn’t be a problem.
In one respect, college isn’t all that different from high school: your education is what you make of it. If anything, college students have wider latitude to shape their experience.
I do say this as someone applying to a number of very selective schools, but I know very well that I’d be happy at any of the schools on my list. To extend @GMTplus7 's analogy, you do need to make sure you don’t buy shampoo laced with arsenic or water in a shampoo bottle, but given those preconditions a $1 bottle of shampoo is just as good as a $50 bottle.