For my common app essay I was thinking about writing about my community and how its affected me. I’m adopted from china and the community I grew up in is super diverse. I was thinking about writing how my community’s diversity made me feel more welcome. At the end I wanted to say how the world should learn from my community and be more caring. I’m not sure if this essay is too cliche or fluffy. Please let me know your thoughts.
It sounds like a great essay topic and didn’t come off as cliche to me! As long as you are sincere about what you are expressing, I don’t think it would be a bad topic to pursue.
I like the idea of writing about your community. But when you add the bend suggesting the world learn from your community and be more caring, it sounds preachy and like a public service announcement.
My suggestion is to stick to the fact that your community made you feel welcome rather than more welcome because of it’s diversity. The thing is, you experienced nothing different as an adopted child. This is all you know. You have no way of knowing that if you had been adopted into a community that lacked diversity, you wouldn’t feel as welcome. You are assuming that.
The part of your story that is yours and interesting for an essay is that you were adopted and welcomed by your community. The additional focus of diversity and how it’s better sounds as if you are trying to mold into P.C. culture in an effort to make yourself look attractive to colleges by embracing buzz words. That does sound cliche. Keep it about you and your experience.
As long as the essay is more about you then the community and how this helps you in college and makes you the person you are. The essay is about you not the community per se.