Is this normal?

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hi! I realize this sounds like I’m over-thinking everything (which I probably am…), but I have been wondering about it a lot and don’t have anyone that I feel comfortable asking. Basically, I want to find out whether my social situation is normal for a college freshman.

So far, I have one “best friend”, two or three “friends”, and a rotating group of sort-of friends/friendly acquaintances. I of course am grateful for all these relationships, but it’s really different than what I’m used to (hence my uncertainty). In my past, I was always part of a clearly defined “clique” (for lack of a better word). What I mean by that is an obvious group of people that hung out almost exclusively with each other (not in a mean way; at least, I hope not!). I was as close to all the other people in that group as I am now to just my college “best friend”. My degrees of closeness with others in college have been fluctuating constantly, which I understand is normal in college but it feels bizarre to be happening this much? Plus, I went to camp for a month every summer growing up where I had a clearly defined group too-- rarely changing. So I have trouble convincing myself of the “college is a different environment than high school; things will be very different” argument. Am I doing something wrong or is it supposed to be like this?

The other thing I want to ask about is romantic relationships. (Ha ha I know but I’m not sure who else to ask…). I only ever had one boyfriend in high school, and it wasn’t too “intense”, so I don’t have very much experience. I never thought about this much because…I don’t know, it didn’t really occur to me that i was unusual? In college, though, it seems like almost everyone else has found a relationship or is well on their way to doing so. I have not and feel like the odd one out. I of course don’t want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship, but still. All I’ve done so far is (tmi warning) make out with one boy at a party who I rarely talked to afterwards. That felt strange, but I think that it happens sometimes in college; I’m just not used to it. Yet how is everyone getting to date each other so fast? Where/when is it all happening? I feel like there’s some secret that I don’t know which everyone else does. Is this normal too or am I freaking myself out?

Thanks for reading if you got this far ( :

2

Sounds normal to me! As long as you’re happy, don’t worry about what might be “normal.” Some people need a large group of close friends while others do better with 1-2 best friends. As far as romance, you’re definitely not alone in being single. There’s no secret. Relationships tend to happen naturally as long as you’re friendly and putting yourself out there (joining clubs etc).

3

You are doing fine. Know that probably most of the other freshman you know feel the same way that you do! It takes TIME to build relationships, friendships, etc. You probably developed close relationships with your HS friends in more than a few months. (So did everyone else!)

As far as boyfriends, take your time with that, you have the right attitude, don’t hook up for the sake of hooking up - as #1 suggested, it will happen naturally - be confident in yourself and good things will come!

4

It’s normal. It’s also predictable. From what I gather, you won’t start to feel at home properly until Spring, or even next fall. As for romance, that will happen usually when you aren’t expecting it. There’s plenty of time for love. I have a friend who never had a single boyfriend or even a date until she was 21. She is happily married with kids. You have nothing to worry about.

5

I’m in the same boat as you. It takes time. At the start of the fall semester, I had to branch out and put myself out there to make friends. We all felt awkward at first, but eventually, bonds started to form, and I became friends with plenty of people. I am starting my spring semester, and I feel more comfortable/at home than I did at the start of the fall semester. You have to give it time. It will get better, and you’ll love the new relationships you have formed.

6

Totally normal, especially for someone who thinks and considers rather than just jumping at any opportunity. And that is as it should be. Wait to be ready, and wait for the right opportunity:)