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How does one “come across as a jerk” in dressing? [ /quote]</p>
<p>I think it is simple. I wouldn’t use the term jerk but I’d go with creepy.</p>
<p>Overdressing compare to the cultural norms is what weirds me out. My workplace is pretty casual, the guy who came to a meeting in my office wearing a 3 piece suit was a little creepy.</p>
<p>Back in my college days when jeans/t-shirts/flannel was standard the guy who showed up for class in shirt and tie was out of touch</p>
<p>Well, I think the mother who comes to the PTA meeting in sweatpants and cat lady sweatshirt is underdressing according to cultural norms.</p>
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<p>Maybe, but bless her soul for volunteering to run the annual gift wrap fundraiser. Or the book fair. Or bake something for the bake sale.</p>
<p>And for walking into the room knowing that she’s going to be judged by some of the people there.</p>
<p>We have women show up at our PTA meetings who never volunteer for anything, but are there to complain about something to the principal, who attends the monthly meetings. Oftentimes, the complaint involves something specific to their child, and should have been addressed at a private appointment.</p>
<p>Bay,
That sounds like our neighborhood homeowners association meetings. People show up to complain, or call board members (all volunteers) to complain, or to try to get the board members to handle some neighbor dispute of theirs (um, no) but when invited to help out in the neighborhood in some, ANY way, are always too busy to do so.</p>
<p>I don’t believe there is a cultural norm for dressing for PTA/back to school night</p>
<p>I guess I just had no idea that there were so many people who felt so strongly that others rise to their personal standard of “appropriate dress”.</p>
<p>I literally DON’T CARE what anyone wears as long as it covers their body and is clean and in good repair - and sometimes I’m okay with it NOT being so clean and in good repair, as long as they’re decent. It really just doesn’t matter to me.</p>
<p>I care much more about how people behave. If they are kind, if they smile, if they are friendly and seem genuine - I’ll be impressed and I’ll remember them fondly - even if they wear sweatpants.</p>
<p>I have MY OWN standards for appropriate clothing in various situations - my own comfort level - but when it comes to others, I like to give them room to set their own standards without judgment. </p>
<p>I realize that the REALITY is that people will be judged by appearance. I just choose not to participate in that judgment whenever I can help it.</p>
<p>Cromette, I have my own standards for me. Nowhere have I said that our hypothetical cat-lady sweatshirt “needs” to dress better on my account.</p>
<p>“Cromette, I have my own standards for me. Nowhere have I said that our hypothetical cat-lady sweatshirt “needs” to dress better on my account.”</p>
<p>Then maybe you and I are on the same page, Pizzagirl. :)</p>
<p>I spent today wondering how people who really care enough to be offended by total strangers’ clothes have enough energy to pay attention to every passing person’s clothing choices. I realized that I’d never paid much attention before-and when I did-I was shorting myself out of enjoying my OWN time. </p>
<p>I was wondering instead about that lady in the velour tracksuit and was it offending someone, even with the dressy sandals. Or the other one in a similar outfit but Ugg boots instead. And that one in the capri sweats-were THEY “sloppy” sweats? Even if they were designer brand? And what about all these 20-somethings in cargo shorts and plaid shirts? Where do they fit in the offensive/non-offensive category? And come the workday tomorrow will ANY of them wear proper clothing to work??</p>
<p>It was exhausting. I decided I like not caring better.</p>
<p>Well, ask Bay 
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<p>It doesn’t take time to pass aesthetic judgments on things, though. I mean, I can walk into a hotel or restaurant and immediately judge whether it looks nice or not. I can look at a plate served to me in a restaurant and immediately judge that it looks appetizing or not. It doesn’t take time out of my day to do so. I am the kind who, frankly, walks around in a daze and I really don’t notice what other people wear (I would be a horrible witness to a crime since I’m usually lost in my own thoughts), but if I do notice, it’s not that it’s time-consuming - it’s just an observation like those we make all the time.</p>
<p>Judging an outfit or a plate based on aesthetic qualities is one thing.</p>
<p>Judging a person based on their aesthetic qualities is another.</p>
<p>For instance, assumptions about their raising, or their attitude, or their laziness factor.</p>
<p>Many such suggestions have been made on this thread - and as I said - that is something that happens. People judge people based on how they look.</p>
<p>I never have made that a practice. And even more so now, after reading comments here, I will not.</p>
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<p>cromette,
I have sleep issues, and nasal-labial lines I inherited from my mother. The combination often makes me seem like I have little patience and look like I am not smiling or I am angry. I wear makeup to minimize my dark circles and make my eyes look less tired, and I try to act energetic and interested when really I might be exhausted and pre-occupied, which is not genuine. I do always try to dress well to make myself look good and show others I respect them and honor their presence (which many seem to disdain). Will you remember me less fondly than those who you described?</p>
<p>(and yes, I am fishing. :))</p>
<p>sseamon,
Whether an outfit offends you or not is your own opinion. I do not think sloppy sweats or pajamas are appropriate for every day wear. They really do not “offend” me, they simply strike me as an inappropriate choice, much like laughing when one hears someone died is an inappropriate behavior (to me). Interpret that as you will. I will do the same.</p>
<p>Are you kind? If I say hello, will you reply and smile (if you’re able)? I try not to judge people at a glance, or by an expression on their face or what they’re wearing. EVERYBODY can have a bad day, ANYONE can be tired, depressed, or any other number of negative moods - but it doesn’t have to keep them from being kind to others. Everyone thinks my husband is mad or upset all the time. He has a stern expression a lot. Obviously, it did not keep me from marrying him. He was genuinely kind. He has a servant spirit. He LOOKS for ways to help people. Love covers a multitude of sins (even fashion faux pas) ;)</p>
<p>Some of the things you have said lead me to believe that it is possible that if you saw me in public, at the grocery store, or at the gas station, that you would look at me in obvious disdain. If you were to ACTUALLY do that - I would probably develop a negative first impression. It wouldn’t keep me from wishing you a higher level of happiness. If I have pre-judged too harshly - I apologize for my misunderstanding.</p>
<p>I don’t disdain your desire to dress well, Bay. Wear whatever you choose. I’m sure you look lovely.</p>
<p>Bay, it was your insistance that you would be personally offended by inappropriate dress that people have responded so strongly to.</p>
<p>Are you now saying that you are not offended by people who dress inappropriately by your standards? Because if you are, then that’s a completely different assertion than I interpreted previously.</p>
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<p>I thought just a few posts ago, it was ok to judge someone as “creepy” if they were wearing clothing that was too dressy for the occasion at hand. </p>
<p>And don’t pretend that none of us do this. If I showed up at a funeral wearing a tube top and daisy dukes and stilettos, you wouldn’t judge me? I could be a very nice person who was seriously saddened to hear of the person’s death, you know. (Actually I should be allowed nowhere in a tube top and daisy dukes, but you know what I mean!) How about if I showed up at your kid’s 6th birthday party at a roller rink in tight-fitting leopard pants and stiletto heels and big hair a la Jersey Shore? Don’t go all Pollyanna-no-one-ever-judges on me, since that’s not true. The clothing we wear sends signals about ourselves. Sometimes the signal is “I can’t be bothered right now.” Or “I want to blend in.” But it’s still a signal.</p>
<p>“I thought just a few posts ago, it was ok to judge someone as “creepy” if they were wearing clothing that was too dressy for the occasion at hand.”</p>
<p>That was not me. And if you notice, I did not get involved in that portion of the discussion.</p>
<p>"And don’t pretend that none of us do this. If I showed up at a funeral wearing a tube top and daisy dukes and stilettos, you wouldn’t judge me? I could be a very nice person who was seriously saddened to hear of the person’s death, you know. (Actually I should be allowed nowhere in a tube top and daisy dukes, but you know what I mean!) How about if I showed up at your kid’s 6th birthday party at a roller rink in tight-fitting leopard pants and stiletto heels and big hair a la Jersey Shore? Don’t go all Pollyanna-no-one-ever-judges on me, since that’s not true. The clothing we wear sends signals about ourselves. Sometimes the signal is “I can’t be bothered right now.” Or “I want to blend in.” But it’s still a signal. "</p>
<p>I acknowledged that people ABSOLUTELY judge others based on what they wear. I also acknowledge that I have my own personal idea about what’s appropriate based on cultural norms in my area. And I am sure that I HAVE passed judgment on people based on appearance before. However, it has long been my policy to NOT do that. Sometimes I fail. After looking at this thread, and the responses herein, I have decided to try even harder. If you show up to a funeral wearing a tube top, daisy dukes and stilettos, I would obviously think your dress was innappropriate. But if your BEHAVIOR was appropriate, somber, mournful, or even just respectful - I imagine I’d move on without being horribly personally offended.</p>
<p>cromette,
I have specifically stated, at least twice, that stuff happens, and we get stuck in inappropriate clothing, and EVERYONE (I actually said “most,” but on further reflection, I believe the correct word is “everyone”) knows this, so NO, we are not going to conclude that you are a terrible person for wearing sloppy sweats to the grocery store on that one day (or even two or three) that I saw you there.</p>
<p>If you do choose to wear sloppy sweats every day, I still will not consider you a <em>terrible</em> person, and I never said such a thing. But yes, I will judge you. Because I, and most everyone, judge people by what they wear (even saltwater man, who clearly disdains people who dress in a way that conveys “rich” to him) as well as I will judge you by your behavior (which includes your clothing selection), because as a human being who wants to survive <em>well</em> in this world I have no other viable choice. Choosing the wrong attire might get me killed in some societies. It is much less important, but still matters, in ours. People who ignore this are naive.</p>
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<p>Yes. Way back in this thread, I used the adjective “offending,” as in “the offending person” when referring to the person who wore sweats, and people ran away with that word as meaning I am personally offended by those who wear sweats.</p>
<p>I do care about not offending others with what I wear. I know most people don’t care if they offend me with their attire.</p>