Is wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts appropriate and suitable on campus?

Parents Forum
921

<p>“I’ll bet checkers with blue hair and tattoos care a lot about personal appearance.”</p>

<p>Sarcastic much? One can have tattoos and blue hair and look neat, but more importantly, they can still be good people. I’d much rather (and I HAVE), talk to a bubbly, personable kid with blue hair and a load of tattoos, than deal with a crabby person with a “I don’t want to be here” attitude.</p>

<p>The judgement coming through on that comment was uncalled for. And I say that as someone not especially fond of blue hair or loads of tattoos.</p>

922

<p>Sheesh, sseamom, you are the one who judged my comment. It was sincere. Defensive, much?</p>

<p>Maybe you should take your issue up with ucb, who assumed such checkers don’t care about dress.</p>

<p>…and cromette agreed with him.</p>

923

<p>Bay, maybe it’s not clear. Because if by “I find it hard to believe that some people are unaware that others may be offended by clothing. This has to be an underbelly of mainstream life.” you mean that people such as (and including) those within this thread who were unaware that folks might actually be offended by a pair of sweats, or even work clothes in normal every day casual surroundings such as grocery stores constitute a dark, negative, unpleasant portion of mainstream society - If that’s what you meant - then your implication is offensive to me. But perhaps you meant something else entirely.</p>

924

<p>No, cromette, interpret my comment in its plain meaning. Don’t change it to suit your agenda.</p>

925

<p>I’ll just echo what cromette said. Give the other comments here, I would have guessed that it was NOT at all complimentary. And like her, I’m puzzled by the “underbelly” comment. It’s a sinister thing to not realize there are people who genuinely place looks on a lower level than other every day things?</p>

926

<p>It has become apparent that some people are <em>trying</em> to be offended by me. Not conducive to meaningful discussion.</p>

927

<p>Bay, I was trying to - but I was finding it difficult.</p>

<p>You said:</p>

<p>“I find it hard to believe that some people are unaware that others may be offended by clothing.”</p>

<p>Well, in general terms, many of us have told you within this thread that we ARE in fact surprised that someone might actually be offended by clothing. (Barring some extreme cases, weddings, funerals, indecency - butt, breasts or other nether-regions exposed, etc.) So I don’t know why you find it hard to believe. Many have told you that it is so.</p>

<p>You said,</p>

<p>“This has to be an underbelly of mainstream life.”</p>

<p>WHAT has to be an underbelly of mainstream life? This way of thinking? The people that think this way? WHAT, exactly? And the literal definition of an underbelly of something (i.e. the underbelly of society) would be “a dark, seamy, often hidden area or side”, seamy meaning, “unpleasant, degraded, sordid”. </p>

<p>Since I was sure I MUST be interpreting your statement wrongly I asked for clarification - which you have not wanted to provide. So I’ve tried to get as close to the literal translation as I possibly can.</p>

928

<p>When I used “underbelly,” I meant it as “hidden,” not sinister or dark or unpleasant. In my half century of living, I have met very few people (if any, that I even know of), who do not care about their appearance, their clothing, the impression they make. I truly believe the mainstream agree with me.</p>

929

<p>I was actually trying NOT to be offended by you by offering you an opportunity to clarify or rephrase the whole “underbelly” thing.</p>

<p>But don’t be too concerned. Even when I get offended - I don’t camp out there. I don’t like to carry that negative stuff around. I try my best to rise above offense.</p>

930

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<p>I’m a therapist and I aim to dress in a way that is professional but that also sets a tone for warmth and comfort. My clients often come in wearing sweats, jeans, etc. depending on where they are coming from. I think (and hope) that my clients see my office as a place where they aren’t judged and can be comfortable. I certainly don’t care if they match my attire and I would never consider it some kind of rudeness or lack of caring for my sensitivities if they are not dressed up. It’s therapy. They pay for it and they can dress however they want. Dressing down is a sign they feel safe and have no need to impress. I’m glad they feel that way and I’m happy to have clients who keep me in business. So, along similar lines, when I go grocery shopping and I am paying for my groceries and supporting a local business, I get to wear what I want as long as it’s decent and inoffensive.</p>

931

<p>Awesome. Thanks for the clarification. I am no longer offended. Just still flabergasted that you would discount the perspective of so many on this thread and cling so tightly to the idea that YOU hold the mainstream perception, and WE are the fringe. Perhaps it’s just that SOME do and SOME don’t.</p>

932

<p>

</p>

<p>Voila! …</p>

933

<p>“I’m a therapist and I aim to dress in a way that is professional but that also sets a tone for warmth and comfort. My clients often come in wearing sweats, jeans, etc. depending on where they are coming from. I think (and hope) that my clients see my office as a place where they aren’t judged and can be comfortable. I certainly don’t care if they match my attire and I would never consider it some kind of rudeness or lack of caring for my sensitivities if they are not dressed up. It’s therapy. They pay for it and they can dress however they want. Dressing down is a sign they feel safe and have no need to impress. I’m glad they feel that way and I’m happy to have clients who keep me in business. So, along similar lines, when I go grocery shopping and I am paying for my groceries and supporting a local business, I get to wear what I want as long as it’s decent and inoffensive.”</p>

<p>Beautifully put. Exactly. I want my clients to be completely comfortable and to come back. Whatever they want to wear is fine. When I’m the client, I generally operate along the same lines. I try to dress in a way that makes ME comfortable.</p>

934

<p>Bay, you say “Voila!”</p>

<p>But at times it seems that you are imposing YOUR idea of what is inoffensive. Mimk6 stated, “My clients often come in wearing sweats, jeans, etc.”</p>

<p>Are you now saying that sweats are inoffensive in the grocery store? Because that is not the impression you have given me before.</p>

935

<p>Community standards – Where I live, people wear shorts and T-shirts, sweatpants or jeans, etc. when running errands (and sweatpants and jeans are pretty much interchangeable here). If someone goes in a grocery store with anything dressier, people ask where they’re going or where they’ve been. At the beach in the summer, people wear swimsuits and flip-flops to stores. Apparently, in other places, people dress up more to run errands. As long as people are covered (and obviously, the beach stores have different standards!), it doesn’t really matter. No one is right or wrong. Moreover, maybe the only statement you’re making when you dress is whether you generally wear what others wear or don’t (no matter how dressy or casual that may be).</p>

<p>Going back to the original question, though, I’ve never been on any American college campus where sweatshirts and sweatpants weren’t totally acceptable everyday attire.</p>

936

<p>Marsian - completely agree. Our community is similar.</p>

937

<p>Bay, I realize that some people may judge or make assumptions about someone based on their clothing. However, I didn’t realize that they were actually offended (other than the previously mentioned extreme examples). I might be mistaken, but I thought you said that you were hurt and offended by someone in sweats or pjs. I personally think pjs are a strange choice, but I am in no way offended by them.</p>

938

<p>This is not directed at anyone in particular. I shouldn’t be, but nevertheless I am, bemused by people’s tendencies to act personally insulted by Bay’s point of view. I, too, am a successful professional person. My kid likes me, and my boyfriend, too. I have lots of friends. I’m kind, funny, smart and an all-around good person. I also dress like crap on occasion. I will admit to having relaxed standards for trips to the grocery store and even, back in the days when I was active at my D’s middle school, for certain school-related planning meetings. That’s partly because my current size makes shopping intimidating and partly because I’m kind of an oddball and I’m attached to certain old ratty things I own (and partly about other things; I’m a complex character). </p>

<p>I think if you read her posts closely, you will find that Bay is careful to state her position clearly and without judgment. She has simply stated that she dresses in such a way as to show respect for the people around her. She does not think (please correct me if I’m not getting this right, Bay) people who wear sloppy sweats and pajamas in public are being properly respectful of the people around them. She has not said she thinks she’s better than those people or made any judgments about their character, other than to say that on this one point, she would consider them lacking in politeness. </p>

<p>So, do I read Bay’s posts as saying she would consider me a bad person if she saw me wearing certain of my more choice knocking around clothes outside the house? I do not. I imagine if she saw me on some occasions she’d think, "You really should pull it together, ma’am; you look like you were raised in a barn,” or words to that effect. :wink: If she were my friend, maybe she’d take me aside and say, “Absweetmarie, is this the look you really want to be going with?” </p>

<p>In other words, this thread has given me food for thought and made me scrutinize my own dressing habits. What my clothes say about me is my deal (I’m not making any assumptions whatsoever about what other people’s clothing says about them). I don’t always like what my clothing says about me, but I honestly didn’t think anyone would care what I wore to the grocery store. I also did not think that there were some types of clothing in casual daily life that some people would consider off limits ipso facto (the oft-mentioned sweats and pajama bottoms). Interesting. So, now, what do I think? Color me intrigued. </p>

<p>In other words, I do not need to agree with Bay or do a 180 turnaround on my own beliefs to be curious about rather than defensive in the face of her opinions. I never expect to convince anyone of anything on these boards; I think, though, that listening and contemplating rather than jumping to conclusions is something we could all try to do more often.</p>

939

<p>I am really tired of repeating myself over and over.</p>

<p>I would never wear pajamas in public, I think they are inappropriate and remind me of wearing dirty underwear.</p>

<p>I try never to look “sloppy” in public, because it is very easy (for me, at least), to brush my hair, put a little makeup on, (or a hat to hide it all), and pull on “non-sloppy” clothing, whatever I am planning to do that day. I would feel bad about looking sloppy in public because I think everyone I meet or come in contact with (including the blue haired checker) deserves consideration and my effort to look as good as a can under the circumstances. That is common courtesy to me.</p>

<p>Yes, I am offended by some clothing. I am offended by the “FUCLA” T-shirts I see some college football fans wear. I am offended by clothing that forces me to see peoples’ private parts. I would be offended if I threw a nice party, wedding, whatever, and my guests showed up in their sloppy old sweats. Yes, I would be offended.</p>

<p>Please go back and read all my other prior posts if you need more information. I have reached my repeater limit.</p>

<p>cross-posted with absweet. Nice post, Thank you.</p>

940

<p>I don’t understand why people are getting so hot under the collar. If you are surrounded by people who wear sweats all day then that must be the social norm for you then there nothing to worry about it. But why is it so strange to hear that there are A LOT of people who don’t dress like that? Is it because people feel insecure unless they think they are in the mainstream, anyone who is different must be bad and strange.</p>