<p>Are you female? If so, that could explain why he thought it was 'safe' for your brother but not for you.</p>
<p>"not to be the stuffed shirt. But, if you're going to except their money, you gotta listen to their tune. "</p>
<p>that's the thing, i do listen to them but he doesn't listen to the reasons behind such decision. he only says "LA is not safe, period" without even knowing anything about the school beforehand..</p>
<p>"Your parents have the right to use their money as they see fit."</p>
<p>I know that, but the basic principle here is that they will be putting the same amount of money towards my college education, REGARDLESS of where I go. If I can get more merit/need-based aid at another university, great. But their contribution is going to be the same if I go to SC, MS or wherever I go...</p>
<p>that's an inspiring story regarding that student northstarmom. i do work and will work during the summer and will also take out loans most definitely while getting good grades at school, so I'm doing everything I possibly can to contribute $$-wise.</p>
<p>"From what you've posted, sounds like your parents are small town folks afraid of what could happen to you in the big city."</p>
<p>yes and no. They've never lived in big cities (except my dad, in LA ironically every other week for about 1/2 a year), but they've been there. I get the impression though that he thinks I'll be living in an apartment by myself in downtown LA, commuting to school instead of living in a secure, protected college environment.</p>
<p>Nebcat: interesting suggestion, however many universities require a minimum # of credits to be taken at that university to obtain a diploma from that school. I don't know if SC is like that since I hadn't thought about that idea though...</p>
<p>"Are you female? If so, that could explain why he thought it was 'safe' for your brother but not for you."</p>
<p>Nope, I'm a guy as well. In fact I'm much more independent, self-sufficient and equally responsible than my brother ( at 22 years old my mom drove him to a job interview, how pathetic is that ? lol)... If I were a girl, I would understand his point of view a lot more (no offense to girls, but they tend to be much more protected obviously)...</p>
<p>What's your evidence that you are street smart enough to go from Miss. to LA? I am not trying to be rude, but I was a small town girl who went from Upstate NY to the big city, one not as dangerous as LA, and had no clue about how to be safe. </p>
<p>If I were your father, I'd have concerns, too, so what are you doing to reassure him? For instance, perhaps he'd be reassured if you took a self defense course.</p>
<p>I also suggest that you Google to find out the crime stats on the college that interests you. Students often think that colleges are safe islands, and that's not true. Even in the small city, college town where I live, there have been crimes on the college campuses. Indeed, there seem to be more crimes on the college campuses than in other parts of our city, which is far safer than LA.</p>
<p>The crimes include armed robbery (Robbers go to where there are people and college campuses have lots of well heeled students), car thefts, and forcible rape and other types of assault.</p>
<p>Our colleges are probably not any more dangerous than most colleges that are in cities, but still crimes occur. I would bet money that more crimes occur in campuses in cities like LA.</p>
<p>not to be the stuffed shirt. But, if you're going to except their money, you gotta listen to their tune. "</p>
<p>that's the thing, i do listen to them but he doesn't listen to the reasons behind such decision. he only says "LA is not safe, period" without even knowing anything about the school beforehand..</p>
<p>"Your parents have the right to use their money as they see fit."</p>
<p>You've answered your own question. It's their money and they don't have to listen to you, sorry. As long as it's their money they can decide what is and what isn't. They don't even have to be right in any way shape or form. </p>
<p>Lot's o people do lots of right and wrong things with their money. That is why the easiest solution for you is to figure out how to do it without theirs. I'm sorry.</p>
<p>"What's your evidence that you are street smart enough to go from Miss. to LA?"</p>
<p>the fact that I won't be living outside of the campus and I won't have a car to go drive to places I don't know outside of the campus... as I said again, I'm not talking about living off campus on my own and require transportation to commute every day to school... and if you've read the previous posts, you'd see I've said I have lived in california before. I'm not a MS-townie that has never been to a city with more than 100k people...</p>
<p>"so what are you doing to reassure him? For instance, perhaps he'd be reassured if you took a self defense course."</p>
<p>doubt anything like that would help him. He basically wants me to have almost a babysitter in college (hence, why he said if I went to the state school, he'd be close in case I "needed anything" and he'd be there to help me out) help me with laundry ? homework ?... i won't have a car in the state uni. either so it's not like I'll be driving around town running errands or trying to find stuff I need...</p>
<p>"also suggest that you Google to find out the crime stats on the college that interests you. Students often think that colleges are safe islands, and that's not true."</p>
<p>I have done that and somebody else in another thread helped me and to my surprise I found Stanford, Berkeley and irvine to be worse statistically-wise worse than SC and like this dude said, nobody worries about going to stanford or berkeley. In fact, my brother's #1 choice was berkeley but didn't get accepted, however, my parents had no "beef" with him going there, in fact they encouraged him to apply asap without knowing the crime stats of the school. but just because it's not in LA, they weren't worried about it...</p>
<p>"I would bet money that more crimes occur in campuses in cities like LA."</p>
<p>Good thing this isn't vegas hehe... Maybe for UCLA they do, but as far as SC goes, nope.</p>
<p>"You've answered your own question. It's their money and they don't have to listen to you, sorry. As long as it's their money they can decide what is and what isn't. They don't even have to be right in any way shape or form."</p>
<p>You're right, they don't have to but if they are my parents and they "love me and want the best for me", I would hope at least they'd listen to me... no offense but if you have kids and that's how you treat them, if I were them, I wouldn't be too fond of the idea to say the least... That's a pretty crappy way to treat children.</p>
<p>Even though you're right it is their money, it is a decision that will affect me more than them... some people apparently don't want kids, they want what i'd call "modern workers" to help them around the house, control what they do almost 24/7, etc. in exchange for room and board. That's close to a form 21st century imperialism or something lol and a perfect way to alienate your children. If you're not going to treat them like family, involve them in the decision-making processes and listen to them, why even bother bringing them to this world ? to have them help you around the house and for you to decide their every move ? you basically own them just because you bring the dough home ?. what a ____, old-fashioned way of living no offense...</p>
<p>As I said again and will do again, I'm not trying to go against their rules or be a rebel or what not and basically do anything I want, because I'm still dependent on them and because I respect them. I only ask to be listened just like I have to listen to him/them. Talk and rationing isn't that bad, especially in the 21st century... no offense intended to anybody by this post by the way.</p>
<p>anybody out there familiar with USC and all the issues discussed in the original post that can offer some insight ? cause this thread has gone out-of topic big time. Thanks for all your thoughts nonetheless though, I will be re-considering every aspect of this issue, even If I thought I was on the same page as him...</p>
<p>
[quote]
It's their money and they don't have to listen to you, sorry. As long as it's their money they can decide what is and what isn't. They don't even have to be right in any way shape or form.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Very true.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Lot's o people do lots of right and wrong things with their money. That is why the easiest solution for you is to figure out how to do it without theirs.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't quite agree with this, though. I wouldn't call it 'easiest' to have to come up with the funds for a college education. </p>
<p>OP may have to decide just how important it is to go to LA. Is it important enough to take out student loans? Even then, is it important enough to potentially cause a rift with the parents?</p>
<p>It's not just about the $$. It doesn't sound to me like the parents are just trying to exert some arbitrary control. It sounds like they just really are worried!</p>
<p>In which case, the best antidote for that is INFORMATION and EDUCATION.</p>
<p>Research LA together. Get the stats. You'd have to convince them that you truly will be safe. </p>
<p>But, otoh, while you are doing that, be open-minded to the possibility that they just MAY be RIGHT!</p>
<p>One of my son's friends went to Rice, and for a short while my son was considering applying there. When we were looking at their website, I was a bit disconcerted to read 'NEVER venture outside the campus at night, not even to just go across the street.' </p>
<p>Then I talked to a friend who used to live in Houston and attended Rice, and she laughed. 'Oh yeah. In Houston we don't ask IF you've ever been mugged; we ask HOW MANY TIMES have you been mugged!' </p>
<p>Hey, I have to admit that my level of support for the idea of him living in Houston dropped considerably at that point. I knew the campus was safe, but no way was I gonna believe that he would always be on campus!</p>
<p>I'm not saying that I would have forbidden him to go if he had really had his heart set on it. But I know I would have worried a lot more (and I already worry enough as it is). It didn't come to that, fortunately, because he decided against it for other reasons.</p>
<p>Even now, I admit I have some stereotypes associated with NYC. I honestly cannot fathom living there. This is largely due to all the crimes I've seen committed on tv. </p>
<p>What I'm trying to say is, try to see it from their point of view. They DO have the right to be concerned about your safety!</p>
<p>Respectfully, I might suggest also that you consider opening up your mind to other options. MUST you attend this particular school? Are you perhaps being hardheaded about it? No disrespect intended, but aren't there other schools that you could ALL agree on? </p>
<p>I know a lot of people on this forum will probably jump on my last comment. They are the ones who insist that the kid MUST find the 'perfect fit.' Well this is all very nice but not everyone has unlimited $$ and therefore not unlimited choices. People from less affluent families are often elated to get an opportunity to go to ANY school! They have a completely different perspective.</p>
<p>Having come from a family that gave NO support whatsoever, I personally would be willing to compromise with my parents if they were willing to pay for my college. Seems fair to me. But then, admittedly I have a different perspective. Having my parents pay for my college is not something I would take for granted.</p>
<p>"love me and want the best for me", I would hope at least they'd listen to me... no offense but if you have kids and that's how you treat them, if I were them, I wouldn't be too fond of the idea to say the least... That's a pretty crappy way to treat children."</p>
<p>I'm sure they're listening to you. What they're hearing is not what you want them to, that's all. It could even be your tone, posture, facial expressions and body language. You might be in the process of spelling out the positives of a USC education and all.... but they may be hearing "mommy and daddy I just pooed." :)</p>
<p>Check yourself. How are you delivering the message, especially if you say they aren't getting it? Are they having an adult conversation or a conversation from a decade ago? Well into my 40's I always wondered why when family got to together at mom's why I felt like 13 again and slipped into that "mode" with other members of the family. I had to make myself aware of how I was interacting and change it. </p>
<p>I can't tell you if what you're parents are doing is right or wrong. I can't blame them for their concerns, they are honest feelings, even if you disagree with them. Would I do this to my kids? For me I never had to find out. They got great scholarships. My only statement was pick the right one that fits. I had to choose my college around my job. They got to pick where they wanted</p>
<p>As far doing or not doing for your children when the roles reverse down the road, alot of people do the opposite of how they were raised themselves. My dad split when I was 3, When I had kids I became very involved. You learn from your parents good and bad behavoir. Then you keep what you want for yous</p>
<p>"Even though you're right it is their money, it is a decision that will affect me more than them... some people apparently don't want kids, they want what i'd call "modern workers" to help them around the house, control what they do almost 24/7, etc. in exchange for room and board. That's close to a form 21st century imperialism or something lol and a perfect way to alienate your children. If you're not going to treat them like family, involve them in the decision-making processes and listen to them, why even bother bringing them to this world ? to have the"</p>
<p>Do you have any gratitude at all for the fact that your parents are willing to pay for any kind of college? It's not as if you're being treated like a slave.</p>
<p>Until the 1960's the typical attitude for parents about children was they should be seen and not heard. Parents today are typically far more open about these things than in years past. That does not mean they will always agree with you. Top put it in 50's jargon--There's the door if you don't like it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
that's the thing, their only money "at risk" is the EFC. I have savings, and loans that I will have to eventually take out as well and myself will be also "at risk", so I want to make sure I make the right decision. Not just because I'm not paying for it directly doesn't mean I'm going to careless about the whole process and just go to my top choice regardless of anything else...</p>
<p>If you've read my previous statements, I've made it clear I don't intend to make my first choice, my only choice. We are discussing schools, but the issue at hand is his lack of a good reason for me to not attend that school. Find me a good one and I'll agree completely. Bogus answers don't cut it though. Just like they don't cut it for him, they don't for me either. I won't just tell him "i'm going to this school because I like it and that's it", I show him the facts and the real/good reasons behind such decisions, not bogus ones...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>In all fairness, I think some people are being a bit hard on the OP. I confess that I had not read all his posts before posting my own comments, and I suspect that maybe others didn't either, from the comments they made about OP not being appreciative (and I implied that as well, and I now apologize for that, OP. I retract that statement).</p>
<p>Now that I know OP is actually contributing considerably, that does change the scenario.</p>
<p>To those who think 'whoever pays gets to decide' well you seem to be leaving out a major factor in the equation: LOVE. Don't we pay for our kids' educations because we LOVE them and want the best for them? Or is it just an excuse to exert control over someone? Hey, I pay for lots of stuff for my son, but that doesn't mean I don't consider his opinions, wants, and and needs. What is the point of spending $$ on stuff for him if it's not going to better his life and ultimately help him find his own happiness? Would you buy your kid a rap cd for Christmas when he likes rock? Then why force him to go to a school that is not his choice?</p>
<p>I think it should be a FAMILY decision, and a compromise reached. That's what I said in my previous post. What has changed is that OP has convinced me that he IS in fact willing to compromise but apparently the dad isn't, or at least that the dad isn't willing to discuss this particular school as an option.</p>
<p>So, I suggest OP go back to: education and information. Ask your parents to take a look at the facts with an open mind. Do some research on crime, safety issues, safe areas vs crime-ridden areas, etc. I live in a fairly large city and it is common knowledge that certain parts of the city are to be avoided, especially at night. But it's really not a big deal in the nicer parts of the city. Probably all major cities are like that (even NYC!)</p>
<p>But, be willing to admit that maybe your dad is right about there being safety issues. And appreciate his caring enough about you to be firm on an issue as important as your safety. Even if you don't end up agreeing, you can at least understand that he's not just being hardheaded, but really does care about your safety.</p>
<p>Aren't there any other schools in CA that might satisfy your desire to live in that state, but might be in cities that your parents might consider safer?</p>
<p>Also, if your dad is normally good at communication but for some reason is unwilling to discuss this issue the way he normally discusses issues, that might indicate that there is an emotional charge associated with his resistance. I knew someone who did that but in reverse - pushed his kid to the school he wanted because he'd missed a chance to go to that school himself. In those cases, it can be difficult because the person tends to be in denial about what the real reason is. You might see if you can get to the root issue of what's bothering him: IS it really the safety issue? In any case, open communication is alway key, but may be difficult when there's an emotional charge to it. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>"To those who think 'whoever pays gets to decide' well you seem to be leaving out a major factor in the equation: LOVE. Don't we pay for our kids' educations because we LOVE them and want the best for them?"</p>
<p>Can you prove his parents don't love him because they said no? </p>
<p>"Or is it just an excuse to exert control over someone?"</p>
<p>It could be, or it could be a parent exercising their parental wisedom in the situation. </p>
<p>"Hey, I pay for lots of stuff for my son, but that doesn't mean I don't consider his opinions, wants, and and needs. What is the point of spending $$ on stuff for him if it's not going to better his life and ultimately help him find his own happiness? Would you buy your kid a rap cd for Christmas when he likes rock? Then why force him to go to a school that is not his choice?"</p>
<p>Hey I don't disagree with you anymore than I disagree with his parents. Their not wrong, anymore than you are. </p>
<p>If love was letting your kid have or do anything they want.. parenting would be easy..wouldn't it? </p>
<p>I wish the kid luck too, but I also don't blame his parents either. They haven't said they won't pay for any college they just don't see the value of SC. It's up to the poster to show them and he might or might not. </p>
<p>Deep down it could even be a test to see how bad he wants it. Does he want it bad enough to do it on his own? As to if they love him, I have no doubt they do. At least enough to worry about his choices.</p>
<p>Yes, it is about you . And if you feel so strongly about what it is about you and what you want to study then do it on your own. You are not owed a college education.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Can you prove his parents don't love him because they said no?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You misunderstood my comment. I didn't say his parents didn't love him. Quite the contrary; if you read my posts I defended his parents' concerns.</p>
<p>The 'love' comment was in response to yours and another post that said essentially 'whoever pays gets to decide, too bad if you don't like it.' That is true, of course, that some parents see it that way. I was just commenting on those parents. I shudder because it reminded me of my own parents, who were dictatorial and not very loving. </p>
<p>
[quote]
It could be, or it could be a parent exercising their parental wisedom in the situation.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That's true. Again, I was not referring to OP's parents, but to parents who wield the checkbook authoritatively without regard to the kid's wishes in general.</p>
<p>My views are essentially the same as post #37.</p>
<p>"My views are essentially the same as post #37."</p>
<p>but we really don't know for sure if that's going on. There's a bit (sorry) of immaturity with the OP that comes out early in these postings. Maybe his parents "know" him better than we do? </p>
<p>I don't mean to defend his parents, but I can't judge them either. Something about the situation makes me feel there's a reason behind things. Not control, not who's the boss, but something more. They haven't really made drastic demands at least in my opinion. </p>
<p>Would I do the same in their shoes? Maybe, maybe not. I have x amount of dollars for school. IF junior does not have an iron clad plan to cover the rest or if junior has a habit of changing his mind later.. I don't know if I wouldn't do the same thing. I might say no. The no would come from the fact that junior hasn't convinced me that he can pull this off. </p>
<p>I would care about how the money's spent, wouldn't you? If junior said thanks for the money dad, but I withdrew from college and am going to use the money you gave me for college to find myself in south america. Maybe I'll finish up later, but I just gotta find myself. Wouldn't you care? or would that be fine?;) </p>
<p>It's harder to say NO to a kid than yes. No is often a sign of love. I coached alot of kids who were looking for someone to say "no, don't do that" in their lives. It's sad really, because kids do figure out "no" often means somebody's paying attiention.</p>
<p>Opie, I can't disagree with anything you say. However, the dynamic was not presented in terms of "we only have X dollars for school." Admittedly, we're getting only the OP's side of things.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Top put it in 50's jargon--There's the door if you don't like it.
[/quote]
The last vestiges of the 50's can't be swept into the dustbin of history fast enough. It was a great time to be white, male, and in charge. Otherwise, not so much.</p>
<p>I got away from this thread (life happens, too) but just scanned through it all.</p>
<p>What I can add is:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Look up some of the smaller, perhaps wealthy(??) private schools in So. Cal, where perhaps the finaid is more generous. For example, I have heard of Chapman, but don't know much about it, in the Town of Orange, CA near Disneyland. So it's definitely in a "safe" area yet within commuting range of LA, no?</p></li>
<li><p>I would never compare when I went to college with now, because the costs have risen unlike anything else in our society. My daughter now attends the alma mater of my H and me. When we went, tuition was $3,500 per year. Hers is more than $35,000.
It's recommended by guidance counselors not to let h.s. job hours exceed l0 hours/week or it begins to cut into the academics. Given the costs and the need to not work too many hours during the school year, I'm not sure how a 16 year old can be expected to "pay for college" today, although most contribute if their families need that participation. I find it arrogant to throw that at kids. Why not ask a 6-year-old to lift a car, while you're at it.
Adults have the age maturity and in some cases prior education to have earning power in their middle years. Kids can't touch that with their minimum wage jobs.</p></li>
<li><p>I would not consider it wise use of my money to have my child go to a school they did not want to be in. THEY are the ones that have to wake up each day and go to the classes. Their involvement in human emotion and sweat equity is meaningful, as is all the sweat I put into saving the money for them to go. Students are not work-mules, they are people. It's the time for parent-child partnership, not bullying/unrealistic sputterings from parents OR whining from students. I do not find this OP a whiner. In fact, I know some parents who sound like his Dad. They just don't LISTEN.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>"I'm not sure how a 16 year old can be expected to "pay for college" today, although most contribute if their families need that participation."</p>
<p>A student can pay for college today by:</p>
<ol>
<li> going locally to a public instiution and living at home. </li>
<li>Joining ROTC</li>
<li>If the student has good stats as many CC posters do, the student could apply to merit aid-offering colleges where the student's stats are in the top of the applicant pool.</li>
<li>Carefully apply for outside merit aid. Chances are best for getting aid from local sponsors.</li>
<li>Takea year off and either live at home while working 60 hours a week and saving their earnings toward college or the student could do Americorps, earning a $200 or so a week stipend plus getting $4,700 at the end of the year to use for college.</li>
<li>Take out loans.</li>
</ol>
<p>and the student can also work up to 20 hours a week during the school year, 60 hours a week during summers, and extra time during school breaks. Students who are bright enough to be here on CC probably are well organized enough and smart enough to handle this kind of job load while keeping grades up. </p>
<p>They won't have as much time for ECs (though I have known honor students who have done things like this while pursuing ECs. I was one as was one of the best students whom I ever taught in college. ), but that won't hurt them in admissions because colleges would count as a strong EC working a job to go to the college of their dreams. </p>
<p>Yes, it is possible for students to pay their way through college. Does that mean that they'll be able to go to their dream school? Perhaps. Depends on what their dream school is and the sacifices they're willing to make to go there.</p>
<p>However, most people don't end up going to the school that they would have gone to if costs and other things weren't issues. Most people scale their dreams to reality. Consequently, the OP may not be able to get to USC, but may be able to go to college in California, which seems to be his dream state.</p>
<p>"but we really don't know for sure if that's going on. There's a bit (sorry) of immaturity with the OP that comes out early in these postings. Maybe his parents "know" him better than we do? "</p>
<p>I had a similar reaction to the OP's posts. I would be interested in hearing the parents' side of the story. In addition, some of the ways that he described his parents were abrasive and reeked of entitlement. If that's the tone he used while discussing with his parents his college desires, then I can understand why they aren't willing to fund his dream.</p>
<p>We also have no idea about other aspects of the OP's personality or character. That's why I would like to hear the parents' perspective.</p>
<p>From other posts by the OP:
"I am an URM student in the 4th semester of CC outside of Georgia. I will complete 4 semesters/62 units by the summerI just finished the FAFSA and my EFC came out at about $6,000. ...?. My parents only have about $30k in their 401k (for the two of them) and about $35k in home equity. There's no other savings from me or them... "</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Clearly, finances are a concern for the parents. It's not as if the OP's parents are wealthy or have large incomes and a lot of savings and home equity.</p></li>
<li><p>The EFC is so low that he could cover most of that with jobs and loans -- if he plans to go to a college that meets 100% of the documented need.</p></li>
<li><p>Since the OP has been going to community college and indicates that in high school, he had a good gpa and ECs, there's a good chance that he has merit aid and/or need based aid there and is not having to pay much out of pocket. If he has also been working during the school year and summer, he may have amassed a sizeable chunk of his EFC at his transfer college.</p></li>
<li><p>While the OP says that USC is his dream school, from his other posts, he has been recently interested in schools ranging from Georgetown to Emory to NYU, indicating a lot of flexiblity in his considerations as well as his being interested mainly in reach schools. It's hard enough for transfers to get the large amount of need-based aid that he wants. It would be even harder for students who are attempting to transfers from a community college to a top rated school even though the transfers have good gpas like the OP says he has.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I hope that the OP has some back-ups including colleges where he's sure he can get in and also can get the aid that he needs. This probably is far more important than whether his parents support his desire to go to USC. He may not even get admitted to USC.</p>
<p>"While the OP says that USC is his dream school"</p>
<p>And Beyonce is my "dream girl"...:)</p>
<p>Some things are more wishful thinking than reality. :)</p>
<p>"In addition, some of the ways that he described his parents were abrasive and reeked of entitlement. If that's the tone he used while discussing with his parents his college desires, then I can understand why they aren't willing to fund his dream"</p>
<p>Me too, I felt the same. </p>
<p>"My parents only have about $30k in their 401k (for the two of them) and about $35k in home equity. There's no other savings from me or them... "</p>
<p>I didn't catch this or I would have been really harsh to this kid... They are middle aged with basically NO money for retirement. For them to even offer to help with what little they have and for the OP to expect them to fund his dream school, changes the dynamic considerably in my opinion.</p>
<p>Bless their hearts for even offering to help with that little of assets in hand.</p>